Top five more deserving Super Bowl MVP candidates

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Admit it. You sat there and couldn't believe Peyton Manning went home with a game MVP award and a brand new Cadillac. The NFL must have been impressed by his flawlessly executed handoffs in the second half or something. Someone was robbed.

Here's five Super Bowl MVP candidates who were more deserving of the award:


1. Rex Grossman

Let's be honest: Manning couldn't get the Colts into the end zone in the second half. Late in the fourth quarter, with the game on the line and Indianapolis clinging to a slim five-point margin, Grossman stepped up. He hit Colts cornerback Kelvin Hayden right in the hands on a 56-yard touchdown pass. Nobody did more for the Colts on Sunday than Grossman. Clearly he was playing for the memory of his grandfather, Rex Grossman, Sr., a running back, linebacker and punter for the Colts from 1948-1950.

Drawbacks: Awkward moment at MVP trophy presentation while rest of Chicago team is in the locker room. Grossman sells trophy on eBay several weeks later. NFL investigates Grossman for potential throwing of the game.


2. The ground

Holy cow! Did you see the dynamic pass rush the turf at Dolphin Stadium flashed Sunday? On a key Chicago possession in the third quarter, with the Bears trailing by just five points, the ground rose up and sacked Grossman on back-to-back plays. The first was credited to Colts defensive tackle Booger McFarland, and the second was just a mad scramble for a fumble, but there was no way that ground was letting Grossman get back up for a pass attempt. The NFL hasn't seen a dominating performance in a big game like this since Reggie White in Super Bowl XXXI! Indianapolis should try and sign that grass at Dolphin Stadium to a big free agent deal this offseason.

Drawbacks: Grass stains on MVP trophy. Fighting over which chunk of sod to present trophy. Also, grass obviously can't drive the car the MVP wins.


3. The rain

What is going on here!? Clearly, God was on Indianapolis' side in this game (more on that later). Before the game, people said the rain would benefit the Bears and their smash-mouth style of play, but all it did was render their passing game almost completely ineffective. The Colts had their problems, but they field such an elite passing game that the difference wasn't as huge. Grossman had trouble gripping the ball with his small hands in the wet conditions. It also appeared there were more Bears fans at the game than Colts fans. The rain made them leave (those empty seats were disgusting), which diminished crowd noise, allowing Indy's no-huddle offense to operate at peak efficiency.

Drawbacks: Giant bucket of rainwater at the post-game podium threatens to soak people. First Super Bowl MVP to eventually evaporate. Trophy will get rusty. Can't really do commercials, and it is easily mistaken for rainwater from other parts of the world.


4. Bud Light/General Motors, Co-MVPs

No, I'm not saying Rex Grossman was drunk during the game. Hear me out on this. If the point of the Super Bowl MVP is to entertain us, and the NFL wants people entertained so they keep watching the game, helping the ratings, then how can you not give the MVP to Bud Light? They had outstanding commercials on Sunday. I was glued to my seat in anticipation of the next one. Considering you can't really give the trophy to a corporation, in honor of all the great commercials, we'll award it to that General Motors assembly-line robot. You know, the one that has to leave its job building cars and gets all depressed, before it turns out to be a dream? That robot should also win an Oscar or something. Maybe "best performance by a non-human." I hear they almost gave that award to Arnold Schwarzenegger. But seriously - Bud Light's best product isn't its beer (and believe me, I use the term "best" loosely). It's the company's commercials.

Drawbacks: Robot has no hands to hold MVP trophy. Investigated for performance-enhancing substance WD-40 by NFL. Machine world rises up in protest, stages bloody revolution. Mankind plunged into Matrix-style darkness for foreseeable future.


5. God

Did you hear Colts owner Jim Irsay and Tony Dungy thanking the Almighty at their post-game press conferences? Heck, that guy might as well be league MVP the way the Colts' season has gone. And let's not forget about the rain. Who do you think was responsible? The Colts can also thank God for blessing Rex Grossman with small hands and finally intervening on their behalf against the New England Patriots . And are you really going to tell me there wasn't some sort of divine intervention that magically healed Indy's run defense in the playoffs? It was almost like someone turning water into wine. A miracle!

Drawbacks: As we saw in Star Trek V, what does God need with an MVP trophy? Or that stupid car? "Yahweh" jersey sales aren't likely to be very popular. Everyone in Dolphin Stadium dies when God reveals himself to take trophy.