Your favorite puke story

[ZepSinger]

Here's mine.

I was 11, riding up to a Twins game with my friend Ricky, his uncle Bill, and a friend of his uncles. Uncle Bill was driving, his buddy was in the passenger seat, Ricky was on the driver's side back seat, I was in the passenger side backseat. Uncle Bill's car was a 1966 Mustang convertible. The top was up because it was cold.

The scene is set. About 50 miles into our northern trek, I began to get queasy. But just before I decided I was going to hurl, my friend Ricky leaned up to his uncle and said "Uncle Bill- I don't feel so RRROWLFFARRGHHHAAAAGGGGG!!!!" Ricky was leaning over uncle Bill's driver's side shoulder, and he committed the technicolor yawn as a full-blown projectile vomit consisting of apparently an entire stomach of partially digested Kraft macaroni and cheese, which slammed against the driver's side window before careening onto the smooth curve of the windshield, thereby totally blocking uncle Bill's view. As we were cruising down the road at a pretty good clip, uncle Bill had no choice but to wipe the offending bile away using only his hand as a sqeegee. We screeched to a halt on the side of the highway, where uncle Bill proceeded to wretch whilst cleaning the orange noodle remnants off of his windshield. Upon hitting the cool outside air, I felt a ton better! Until I realized that Ricky had also garfed on the floorboard, where my tennis shoes had been resting. They were immersed in the sickly orange goo as well. So I ended up going to the Twins game in my socks. Yeah, I'll never forget that day if I live to 100....

I'll be anxiously awaiting your stories. This should be funny.

[DMAC]

16. Christmas time. Camping. SoCo's yearly special SoCo 100. Drank all.

The End.

[ZepSinger]

Originally Posted by DMAC

16. Christmas time. Camping. SoCo's yearly special SoCo 100. Drank all.

The End.

The subplots, the detail, the sheer complexity of your novel is breathtaking.

[DMAC]

Originally Posted by ZepSinger

The subplots, the detail, the sheer complexity of your novel is breathtaking.

Keep in mind I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort 100 proof, eleven years ago.

The memory is quite hazy. The part I remember the most is having that taste in my mouth for a week. Every time I burped it came back.

[shutter, shutter/]

[arrowheadnation]

When we beat them in the sweet 16 a few years ago....

We are talking about the Puke basketball team right?

[booyaf2]

I remember in church in about 2nd grade a girl puking all over the pew. It was pretty obvious that Lucky Charms were on the menu at her house for breakfast that day. Don't know if that is my favorite, but it was the first one to come to mind.

[cdcox]

Posted before, but here goes.

My family was visiting my cousin's family in Atlanta just after Christmas. We had lasagna and a glass or two of wine for dinner, then went to this place where they had carnival rides set up in the parking lot a long with some Christmas lights and other Christmas displays. My cousin's husband challenged me to go on a ride similar to the Octopus ride at Worlds of Fun. About 3/4 of the way through the ride, I was feeling it. I made it safely back to terra ferma without blowing chow. We walked around the place for another 20 minutes, I'm still feeling a little queasy, but figure the worse is over and I'll be okay. The seven of us pile into their Excursion, which they had just picked up the week before. We get on the highway and everyone is singing Christmas carols and it occurs to me that I'm not out of the woods yet. Once my saliva glands start becoming over active, I decide to say something.

Me: "I think you are going to need to pull over for me"

Cousin's husband: "Why?"

Me: "I'm about to lose something"

CH: "You're not serious are you?"

Me: "Yes, I'm about ready to puke"

CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR"
CH to his son: "Jeffery, in that back there is a plastic bag that has the licence plate for the car in it. Take the licence plate out of the bag and pass the bag up to the front"

Me: "hurry"

CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR"

This whole time my saliva glands are pouring into my mouth faster than I can swallow it. Finally the plastic bag arrives.

Now, I'm not a mild mannered puker. I put my whole body into it, along with the loud guttural hurling noises necessary to expel large volumes of liquid and semi-solids in a hurry. So I'm filling this bag. The other six passengers are either laughing or gagging, in most cases both. Just as I'm finishing up the spits you do to get rid of the last bit of saliva/puke in your mouth, he's finally pulling into a convenience store.

I get out of the van and hold up the plastic bag in the headlights so everyone can see. A solid half bag of puke. Think of Matrix, but with puke instead of dogshit.

Everyone was very thankful that the bag was available.

[Frazod]

Planet gathering, 2003. Rausch. Trying to match ENDelt drink for drink. My car. The shoulder of I-70. Nuff said.

[KCChiefsMan]

not my favorite, but definately most rememorable. Me and a friend were going to a Chiefs game, we decided to go out for a few beers the night before. Nothing crazy, a couple of schooners and played some pool. Well the guy I went with doesn't drink, so were riding in up there in the backseat of his uncles truck and just as we pull into the gate for Arrowhead stadium, he pukes but he turns his head away from me but all of the puke ricocheted off of the window and all on to me, all over my jersey and pants. The only time I have ever been puked on. Once the gates opened I bought a new outfit but still had the smell of puke on me for the entire game. It sucked

[Rain Man]

I was five years old, and we were driving the winding road to my great-grandmother's house on Christmas day, four of us in the front seat of my dad's pickup truck. I developed an overwhelming urge to imitate a vomit dragon, and my mother instinctively put her hands out to shield her new dress. Unfortunately, when she did so, she made the mistake of cupping her palms. Being five years old, I immediately read that as "Don't vomit on the floor. Do it in my hands.", so I immediately shifted my stance and hurled my breakfast into her hands, which had a suprisingly low volume capacity. This took place in a very rural area with no gas stations, no rest stops, nothing. She was less than happy.

My most interesting place to vomit was New Delhi, India. Believe it or not, I don't think their food sanitation rules are as strict as ours.

[arrowheadnation]

Now that I know what we're talking about...

Grade school Christmas program. 3 risers full of people all in their Sunday bests. A girl on the top row spews all over the people in front of her. It was a mix of pineapple and chili (what we had for lunch that day). Everybody scatters....screams....oh it was dreadful. The show went on.

[Dartgod]

Back when I used to play a lot of darts, a buddy of mine and I went out to a bar in Olathe to play in a blind draw tournament. It was his birthday, and he wasn’t shy about telling everyone about it (shamelessly trolling for free drinks and shots).

Later (around 1 a.m.), I was driving back home to Lee’s Summit and on I-35N he said he felt like he wanted to puke. I wasn’t too drunk to drive, but had a few earlier and with him being hammered, I decided it wasn’t a good idea pull over on the shoulder. I had the brilliant idea of having him open the passenger door and lean out and puke (he was wearing a seatbelt, of course) while I sped down the highway at 65+ mph.

Bad idea…

We had to pull over at a gas station at 435E and Roe to clean the puke off of him, the back floorboard, the backseat, you name it. I had to pay a guy $20 at work (auto repair shop) to do a thorough cleaning the following Monday to finally rid the car of the puke smell.

[kepp]

Fall of 1989. I was a senior in high school and it was a Friday night. My friends and I managed to talk an older guy (you know the one...the guy that graduated 5 years ago but still hangs around) into buying us two cases of PBR. At the time I probably weighed all of 150 pounds. I drank 25 beers. I don't remember too much after #15 or 16. All I remember is sitting outside in a lawn/lounge chair in front of a bonfire with my friends counting the number of times I threw up...cheering me on.

[pikesome]

Originally Posted by DMAC

Keep in mind I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort 100 proof, eleven years ago.

The memory is quite hazy. The part I remember the most is having that taste in my mouth for a week. Every time I burped it came back.

[shutter, shutter/]

This is similar to mine. I finished a fifth, it was less than half empty. I was very, very drunk so a couple of friends proceeded to help me back to my dorm room which contained, among other things, a half eaten Gumby's pizza. I was helped into bed, laying on my side facing said pizza. One of my friends lifted the pizza up and moved it to the floor on the other side of the bed for their consumption when I rolled over and proceed to throw up all over it.

[elvomito]

in mexico, playing drinking games with several women. a friend and i finished a liter of jose. then a fifth, with lots of $.30 corona bottles. woke up in the morning and the room was a 3" deep lake of vomit. thankfully they were tile floors. the maids freaked when they saw it but a $5 dollar tip put huge smiles on their face.

17years old, snuck fifth of vodka and pineapple juice into bowling alley. got trashed. left because we were throwing balls in other people lanes accidentally. rode in the back of some chick's 2door. had to throw up and the passenger in front wouldn't let me out quick enough. i kept my mouth closed to try to prevent the barf but the pressure was so great, vomit spewed from the corners of my mouth, all over me and the car, projectile style. all i remember is going into a gas station literally covered with vomit, and trying to wipe myself off with paper towels. all i could think was, it was like trying to dry a lake up with a pack of napkins, i was soaked.