Am I being a prude or have the rules of dating changed DRASTICALLY?

[memyselfI]

I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter.

I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl.

My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

If all you are going off is the info you posted then you SHOULD feel bad. This is all speculation, who knows hell this new guy could be the best thing for her daughter, maybe her first husband beat them both and now this guy treats them like princess. Man we are quick to stone people.

This guy could be fantastic for her daughter...but he isn't. The type of guy who would be great for her daughter is not the type of guy who would move them into his house under these circumstances. At his absolute best, he is an enabler. Enablers aren't bad people, but they certainly aren't positive influences regardless of their intentions.

A guy who truly had the ability to be a wonderful influence on this daughter's life would tell the woman to do right by her daughter before he would even think about getting this serious about the relationship. The woman needs to divorce her husband and focus primarily on raising her daughter. That isn't to say that she should not be able to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a man in the meantime, but she shouldn't be moving herself and her daughter in with some guy. This is doubly true if it's a guy to whom she is not married. This is triply true while she is not even divorced from her daughter's father.

[KcMizzou]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

It's not. Read the thread.

Just did. 'Bout what I expected. Hope it works out.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by luv

Oops. Disregard my posts.

Nope, I appreciate all feedback. A woman's perspective is welcomed as well. But the woman I've told this story to who are my other friends have just about hit the ceiling. But then we are all over 35 and perhaps we are just traditional women.

[luv]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Nope, I appreciate all feedback. A woman's perspective is welcomed as well. But the woman I've told this story to who are my other friends have just about hit the ceiling. But then we are all over 35 and perhaps we are just traditional women.

Well, I'm 32. But I've yet to figure out dating, traditional or otherwise.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Saul Good

This guy could be fantastic for her daughter...but he isn't. The type of guy who would be great for her daughter is not the type of guy who would move them into his house under these circumstances. At his absolute best, he is an enabler. Enablers aren't bad people, but they certainly aren't positive influences regardless of their intentions.

A guy who truly had the ability to be a wonderful influence on this daughter's life would tell the woman to do right by her daughter before he would even think about getting this serious about the relationship. The woman needs to divorce her husband and focus primarily on raising her daughter. That isn't to say that she should not be able to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a man in the meantime, but she shouldn't be moving herself and her daughter in with some guy. This is doubly true if it's a guy to whom she is not married. This is triply true while she is not even divorced from her daughter's father.

OMG, this is it. This is what I am trying to convey. Are you single? This is the type of guy I want my friend to meet.

[luv]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

OMG, this is it. This is what I am trying to convey. Are you single? This is the type of guy I want my friend to meet.

Wait a second. If she's still married, I wouldn't want to be responsible for hooking her up with anyone. That's probably just me though.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Just seeking uninvolved objective feedback without violating anyone's privacy. I also wanted a male perspective and who better to ask then all of the great minds on this board.

Now that's funny.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by luv

Wait a second. If she's still married, I wouldn't want to be responsible for hooking her up with anyone. That's probably just me though.

I forgot the smilie.

Agreed. I think she should get divorced first just so her daughter doesn't have to live with the realization that her still married mom is shagging some dude that is not her dad.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

A steady one but not one that pays very well. She's a very sweet and submissive person. I believe she's also very afraid of being alone.

This post tells me everything I need to know. I feel for her daughter. She's in for a rough ride. Chances are that this woman was not particularly selective when picking this guy. I'm guessing she picked them out of convenience rather than because she thinks she found her soul-mate.

When friends make bad decisions that negatively impact their own lives, you should maintain the friendship from a distance. When they drag children into it, it's time to cut ties.

Where is the dad in all of this? Does he want custody? If so, he'll likely get it. Courts don't smile upon women shacking their kids up with random guys.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

She's a very sweet and submissive person. I believe she's also very afraid of being alone.

DING DING DING DING!!!! We have a motivation! Why are so many woman so afraid to be without a man these days? A mate can't fix you and your problems. That is your own responsibility. When I got divorced my x shacked up in 5 minutes. They've broken up at least 20 times in 3+ years and then gotten back together. And that's honestly a conservative estimate. I didn't even date for months... over year actually. I gave myself time to get my own shit back together before bringing all my crap into another relationship that it would just doom. Her and her bf are so dysfunctional my daughter even shakes her head and laughs about it... (I'm glad she at least can). Now I'm having a relationship that might actually go somewhere. I just don't understand why people can't take a little time to discover who they are and what they really want on their own. It does wonders. You actually learn a lot on your own and becoming independant and self secure does only good things for the next relationship.

I should get paid for this shit.

[Demonpenz]

Hopefully the guy never says the teenagers name in the throws of vagina

[luv]

Originally Posted by beer me

DING DING DING DING!!!! We have a motivation! Why are so many woman so afraid to be without a man these days? A mate can't fix you and your problems. That is your own responsibility. When I got divorced my x shacked up in 5 minutes. They've broken up at least 20 times in 3+ years and then gotten back together. And that's honestly a conservative estimate. I didn't even date for months... over year actually. I gave myself time to get my own shit back together before bringing all my crap into another relationship that it would just doom. Her and her bf are so dysfunctional my daughter even shakes her head and laughs about it... (I'm glad she at least can). Now I'm having a relationship that might actually go somewhere. I just don't understand why people can't take a little time to discover who they are and what they really want on their own. It does wonders. You actually learn a lot on your own and becoming independant and self secure does only good things for the next relationship.

I should get paid for this shit.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

Hopefully the guy never says the teenagers name in the throws of vagina

Dude, I'm really trying to avoid dry socket after having my wisdom's removed. I almost popped a clot.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Saul Good

This post tells me everything I need to know. I feel for her daughter. She's in for a rough ride. Chances are that this woman was not particularly selective when picking this guy. I'm guessing she picked them out of convenience rather than because she thinks she found her soul-mate.

When friends make bad decisions that negatively impact their own lives, you should maintain the friendship from a distance. When they drag children into it, it's time to cut ties.

Where is the dad in all of this? Does he want custody? If so, he'll likely get it. Courts don't smile upon women shacking their kids up with random guys.

The dad has been shagging some other chick for a few years now and had been a rather absent father for awhile.

I'm telling you, the daughter is in a no win situation.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

OMG, this is it. This is what I am trying to convey. Are you single? This is the type of guy I want my friend to meet.

Not single. I'm a little young for her, too. Besides, you wouldn't want her to date me. This might be the only time you and I ever see eye to eye.