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11-5, baby
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Livin the dream
Casino cash: $2191557
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Why Monogamy is Ridiculous
http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738
Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity. |
Posts: 22,416
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#46 | |
Here comes Peter Cottontail!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: None of your business
Casino cash: $-90037
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Quote:
I think Pittsie might be a satyr.
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Hello, Bearcat. Two Questions: Are you Malcor? Because call-out threads don't get moved to the Romper Room, but asking who Malcor is, as in being mult was moved there. Only a mod can do that. Why is DC getting over-moderated these days? |
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Posts: 168,304
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#47 |
I'll be back.
Join Date: Nov 2002
Casino cash: $1010478
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Yes.
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Chiefs game films |
Posts: 296,750
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#48 |
"Think BOOM!"
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W
Casino cash: $6929900
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I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you? |
Posts: 190,848
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#49 |
11-5, baby
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Livin the dream
Casino cash: $2191557
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True story. Ex employee of a friend and her husband are/were swingers. Their relationship fell apart because the husband was not sleeping with a woman.
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Posts: 22,416
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#50 |
Most Valuable Poster
Join Date: Oct 2003
Casino cash: $8993042
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I'm sold! Whores for everyone!
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Posts: 36,828
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#51 |
Banned
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Top City
Casino cash: $10004900
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when I was in college I had a girlfriend, and she would get soooo jealous when I cheated on her. I'd be like "well if you didn't get fat, I wouldn't have to. Instead of crying, step on a treadmill with 8 on incline, because I'm not sticking around with back fat." And she'd be like "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant." and I'd be like "whatever, it's gross! now clean it out"
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Posts: 1,543
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#52 | |
In Search of a Life
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: L.A.
Casino cash: $-595716
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Posts: 28,353
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#53 |
I'll be back.
Join Date: Nov 2002
Casino cash: $1010478
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It helps. It's best use is prolonging stamina. I had a Peter North experience on that stuff. It rocks.
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Chiefs game films |
Posts: 296,750
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#54 |
Don't tread on me.
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Where the peaches grow
Casino cash: $9030572
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I'm not reading through the replies, but if it's that hard for someone to be with one person, then don't freakin get married. If you dont want commitment, then dont commit, nobody is forcing you to get married.
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Posts: 8,540
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#55 |
[null]
Join Date: Sep 2008
Casino cash: $1662893
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I think porn has actually saved more relationships than it's ruined. It's an opiate of sorts- satiates some of the inevitable boredom, without the subsequent drama that goes along with cheating.
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Bacon-wrapped shrimp: My first-favorite food wrapped around my third-favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. |
Posts: 6,657
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#56 |
Say hello to my little friend
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Larryville
Casino cash: $9598422
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Masturbation makes marriage possible.
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Posts: 47,314
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#57 |
Draft a QB
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: JoCo
Casino cash: $9961689
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and I hate wet socks.
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When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County. ![]() |
Posts: 5,753
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#58 |
MVP
Join Date: Apr 2001
Casino cash: $10008447
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Just one ole' lady is headache enough for me.
![]() Actually after more than 35yrs together I wouldn't trade her in for anyone else.
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AND SOMETIMES IT'S NOT SO EASY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR ONLY FRIEND TALKS SEES LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE YOU AND YOU DO JUST THE SAME AS HIM -Jiimi Hendrix |
Posts: 5,995
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#59 | |
MVP
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: nemo
Casino cash: $-410100
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"Mr. seclark. Wrong for gravy, wrong for jelly, wrong for biscuits." -rj "If every Planeteer who was disliked by another Planeteer stopped being a Planeteer we wouldn't have any Planeteers." -rj |
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#60 | |
MVP
Join Date: Apr 2001
Casino cash: $10008447
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Quote:
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AND SOMETIMES IT'S NOT SO EASY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR ONLY FRIEND TALKS SEES LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE YOU AND YOU DO JUST THE SAME AS HIM -Jiimi Hendrix |
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