I think there might be bears in my back yard.

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by JennyGump

You know what would be awesome? Is to dress a bear up in a bear suit, that way, when someone starts to unzip the suit, they're thinking "Heh...just a stupid bear suit....I should've known."

Then they find a real bear inside and get eaten. That would be really funny.

Are you related to Jack Handy?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bowser

There you have it! Get the rhino, set the bear on fire, and the rhino will kill it by stomping out the fire!

And you thought you had a crisis on your hands. Pffft!

The rhino: nature's fireman.

[angel]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

These are all good suggestions so far. My wife seems to think the problem can be solved by just spreading a bunch of fertilizer around, but come on. These are bears we're talking about.

I'm thinking maybe a rhino. I'll bet bears hate rhinos.

I like the way you're thinking, however, rhinos might pose more of a problem than the bears.
First of all, rhinos can live up to 40 years. That's a long time in human years. Rhinos love eating grass, trees, bushes and other foliage. If you think the "bear spots" are a problem, wait until you see what a 1,000 pound rhino will do to your yard.
Then you have to take into account the endangered thing. Your neighbors might get wind that you have a rhino defending your yard from the bears. When they hear about your rhino, they're going to remember that they once heard the rhino's horn, when ground up, can cure almost anything from fever to food poisoning and will also enhance sexual stamina. Powdered rhino horn is said to be better than viagra and all the other new-fangled drugs they have out there.
But since you brought the rhino to your yard, it's your job to protect this endangered animal now. You'll have to quit your job and guard him full time from your horny neighbors. (no pun intended)
In conclusion, you're on the right track, but I'd try thinking of something other than a rhino... that is, unless you meant the Rhino Records industry. Bears hate pop music.

[NewChief]

Originally Posted by angel

I like the way you're thinking, however, rhinos might pose more of a problem than the bears.
First of all, rhinos can live up to 40 years. That's a long time in human years. Rhinos love eating grass, trees, bushes and other foliage. If you think the "bear spots" are a problem, wait until you see what a 1,000 pound rhino will do to your yard.
Then you have to take into account the endangered thing. Your neighbors might get wind that you have a rhino defending your yard from the bears. When they hear about your rhino, they're going to remember that they once heard the rhino's horn, when ground up, can cure almost anything from fever to food poisoning and will also enhance sexual stamina. Powdered rhino horn is said to be better than viagra and all the other new-fangled drugs they have out there.
But since you brought the rhino to your yard, it's your job to protect this endangered animal now. You'll have to quit your job and guard him full time from your horny neighbors. (no pun intended)
In conclusion, you're on the right track, but I'd try thinking of something other than a rhino... that is, unless you meant the Rhino Records industry. Bears hate pop music.

Nice.

[wilas101]

That guy in the snopes picture looks like Keanu Reeves.

"So you're telling me I can dodge bears?"
"I'm telling you when you're ready, you won't have to."

My apologies for that picture. I thought it was one I had edited Shaq's face onto. I can't locate that one so my joke was pretty lame - like most of my jokes, actually.

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Phobia

My apologies for that picture. I thought it was one I had edited Shaq's face onto. I can't locate that one so my joke was pretty lame - like most of my jokes, actually.

You'll noticed nobody commented because it was pretty much par for the course for you.

[NewChief]

Originally Posted by Phobia

My apologies for that picture. I thought it was one I had edited Shaq's face onto. I can't locate that one so my joke was pretty lame - like most of my jokes, actually.

You should have put in a butt-kissing clause in your negotiations with Kyle.

*All posters will laugh at Phobia's jokes and respect his authority as a part-owner of the Planet

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Phobia

My apologies for that picture. I thought it was one I had edited Shaq's face onto. I can't locate that one so my joke was pretty lame - like most of my jokes, actually.

I just assumed it was a prelude to another one of your racist diatribes.

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I just assumed it was a prelude to another one of your racist diatribes.

It's not really racist until I paste the face of Rosie O'Donnell onto the head of a Polar Bear.

[chiefs4me]

Oh you lucky man to have them right in your backyard.....please leave some honey out for them. They have been sleeping all winter long and they need to get their energy back......

[bogie]

Dig a deep hole and fill it with ashes. When the bear comes up, sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole. I know it's old but I like it.

[Mark M]

http://www.bowhunting.net/susieq/bear.html

MM
~~

[bogie]

Originally Posted by Mark M

http://www.bowhunting.net/susieq/bear.html

MM
~~

My mouth is watering.

[JimNasium]

I think some of the folks on the bored could use some bare shit repellent.