prayer request: for my children

[Loki]

i have been contemplating wether or not to do this for quite some time and am still not too keen on spilling my guts out on this BB despite the fact that i feel there is a good sense of "community" here. i'm not an overly religious person and somewhat question the power of prayer, but if ever i needed support through prayer, now is that time. i have two beautiful children (daughter age 7, son age 5) and they really need your help/thoughts/prayers.

if any of you have been wondering where i have been or what i've been doing for the past couple months, here's the scoop... please bear with me as this is a LONG story.

for the last 2 years, i have been battling my ex-wife for custody of my children. it has been an ugly UGLY fight both in terms of emotional (and financial) stress.
my ex (from now on will be addressed as "asshole" for storytelling purposes) is a drug (coccaine, weed, pills, etc) abuser, physical abuser, and an emotional abuser. she lives with and associates with an ex-convict and his juvenile delinquent son. these two people also abuse my children when they are around them.

examples of abuse you ask? honestly there are too many to list but i will give you a small sample. (i could seriously write a bible sized book about this.) not feeding the kids, not bathing the kids, not taking them to the doctor's when they are sick or injured, locking them out of the house in rain/snow/cold/night (in t-shirts and shorts) so they could do their drugs, hitting/kicking/beating the kids (i have pictures of bruises), stealing the kid's college funds for drug money, shooting the kids with bb guns, doing drugs in front of the kids, locking the kids in rooms unsupervised with porn movies in the dvd players, yelling/screaming at the kids, telling the kids they wished they were never born, making the kids drink beer, forcing the kids to be physically abusive to each other, threatening the kids, physically abusing the kid's pet dog in front of them to intimidate the kids (ie: i'm going to do this to YOU if you don't...) throwing out the kids birthday/x-mas presents that come from my house/family in front of them (usually after smashing them to bits), smoking (whatever) in front of them and then blowing it in their faces...
*sigh* the list goes on... i'm sure you get the idea, so back to the story.

prior to jan 1st of this year, my children were in asshole's physical custody and were subjected to all sorts of inappropriate or abusive behaviors (as noted above). i was only allowed to see them on weekends. after jan 1st, my children moved in with me and things drastically changed for them (obviously for the better)
within 3 weeks of them living with me, all their teachers (from the private school i had them enrolled in) approached me and said they noticed a complete and positive change in the children's behavior, appearance, and academics. unbeknownst to me, asshole had approached the school and made up all sorts of BS lies and stories about me and none of the teachers would approach or speak with me (for the most part). luckily my son's teachers were some pretty sharp individuals (thanks so much for believing in me mrs. m and mrs. e !!) and pulled me aside prior to the children moving in with me and asked me about the situation. (apparently they had tried contacting asshole since the beginning of the year about my son's aggressive and inappropriate behaviors in class. they insisted that he get some type of counseling but were getting nowhere with asshole so turned to me.) i explained to them that i had been trying to get counseling for my children since the divorce, but was unable to get asshole to sign consent forms because she didn't want the children to talk about her, convict boyfriend, gangster son, or what was going on @ her house. this news disgusted them, so they told me some of the things that asshole had said about me and told me that they would try and help me get some counseling. a couple weeks later (after more unsuccessful attempts to get any response from asshole) i had an official school document DEMANDING counseling for my son and several teachers giving me full support to start some type of action. (they also contacted DSS on my children's behalf due to some of the things my children were telling their teachers at school).

so, with support from the school, and DSS investigating asshole (finally) i decided to make my move and slam this b!tch. i contacted my attorney (who knew i was going to go for custody when i had some ammo), got the kids in with the counselor (i had been trying to get them in with for the last 2 yrs), and served asshole with my intent to sue for full custody.
from there all hell broke loose.

we have been to court at least 6 times in the last 4 months. been subjected to hardcore investigations by the courts and DSS, subjected to drug testing (i have passed all of them because i am CLEAN, while she has failed them... she came out 30 times (16000ng) over the limit (500ng) for coccaine) subjected to countless questioning (the same friggin questions over and over *groan*) by countless court agents (who never seem to pass prior investigation information along) and paid out so much money i've had to sell things and take out loans just to keep up. and this is far from over...

just before our last court appearance (about 3 weeks ago) asshole took my daughter and threw her against a wall and subsequently put her in the hospital. she is out of the hospital now and doing much better. she won't suffer any permanent neurological damage according to the doctors, but didn't have any "marks" on her so the hospital couldn't prove (without reasonable doubt) that asshole did it to her. both my kids vehemently maintain that asshole did do this, but we have no hard proof.

un-fucking-believeable.

currently, i have been granted full physical and legal custody of my children. however, for some strange reason, asshole has been granted visitation rights (every other weekend) and "interim dinner visits" where she can take the kids every wednesday night for 3 hours. thankfully, my daughter (currently) doesn't have to go with asshole, but my son does. (so what fucking GOOD does it mean for me to have full custody if she has any contact with them??!!! someone please enlighten me on that one... i'm baffled...)
at the very least has this change in custody brought about any positive changes? you bet! my kids are now in a new school, love it and are doing GREAT , they have new friends that they get to play with (their mother never let them go visit friends or have friends over because of the drugs... she even used to transport the drugs in their school backpacks... WTF??!!), they now have sleep overs, playdates, birthday parties (where no one smashes their gifts and/or throws them out), they have been begging to play sports and are now enrolled in and playing sports, get to see their counselor/therapist (whom they really dig...) on a weekly basis, and best of all, they are smiling and laughing again... it has been a long time since i've seen something so simple as a smile on their faces (how friggin sad THAT sh*t was... for a LONG time). it is truly a beautiful thing.

it is my firm opinion that asshole should have no contact with my children whatsoever, but apparently the extremely liberal court system in my state doesn't agree with my assessments. (fuck!!) my attorney, on the other hand, is very pleased with current orders as this state is EXTREMELY biased towards women/mothers and fathers usually (99.9% of the time) get totally SHAFTED. at this point i feel i can attest to that.
now asshole has shifted her tactics and is fucking with me with the only group of people who will still listen to her bullsh*t: DSS. she can't beat me in court so she's getting these dumb b4stards to fuck up our world. how is she getting them to listen to her? well, she tells them that i force my kids to watch porn, that i'm a porn addict and that i wank my hogan in front of my kids... she has also threatened my children to lie for her to support her claims. (nice) all her other claims (about me) to DSS have been thrown out as ridiculous, but this time she got their attention. i am now being investigated by these DSS dumbasses for 45 days. fuck!!!

despite the fact that i have a lot of good people backing and supporting me (teachers, lawyers, counselors/therapists, doctors, neighbors, family members, etc..) and that my entire case is based in truth and fact and hers is based on lies and pure bullsh*t, we are going into court yet again for another "pre-trial" hearing this coming thursday the 28th of sept 2006. when will this end??!!

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by ROYC75

Loki, hang in there man, KEEP UP THE FIGHT, you have already established the ground work for terminating the asshole in your life. It's only natural for the asshole to produce some shit along the way by any means she can. These are nothing but trials you need to endure to maintain custody of the kids., the battle has been won.

As long as you continue the course you are on, it's just a matter of time before the asshole runs it's course and has nothing to come back on.

Word of the wise, get you a ledger, log all the activity down, date and time, how they affect youe kids with her actions. She will continue to try to use the kids against you, but most of all, just tell your kids that ( mommy ) asshole has some problems, don't go into details to them about it at this time. They are too young to understand adults ( or an inmature adult asshole ). Always be positive with the kids about her, somehow.

It's commom for adults to ask kids what goes on in the ex's life when split up. Many times most adults use it for an advantage against each other ..... Never fully understanding what it does to a kid on the inside.

Always remember, look at it thru a kids eyes and age , always ask your kids, never drill them and degrade the ex but explain to them why things aren't right in her life and that you wish it could be better for them, but do keep all info logged down, dates and times. This will get you farther in the eyes of the courts since you are being the responsible , mature , parent here.

Best of luck ...........

yeah, i keep a journal. been doing it since the divorce. my attorney said that asshole would step on her own dick sooner or later, so just document everything and save all the nasty voicemails on tape.

unfortunately, the kids have been exposed to WAY to much of adult life. they understand a lot more of it than i ever thought possible. the kid's therapist and the GAL both said they know WAY TOO MUCH for kids their age. luckily, both kids are smart enough to not let me know what they know... they know i'd either have a massive coronary or hit the stratosphere like an ICBM...

i really DO try to keep from ragging on asshole in front of them to a minimum. it is VERY hard sometimes... especially when she is having a tantrum with me on the phone in front of them. i try to walk out of the room so they can't hear it, but her grating voice can be heard for miles... i also can't help myself to a few choice phrases after i hang up. only natural, but i DO try.
i know that they're part of both of us so i try to respect them in that aspect. but truth be known, my daughter HATES her mother (for good reason) already.
usually, i try and change the subject if the kids are talking about their mother or asking me questions about her. the only time they really get in depth with talking about their mother is when they go to their therapist. pretty much every time before the kids go to speak with their therapist, my daughter will begin drawing pictures or writing things about her mother in the waiting room. you can always count on her to draw in big huge letters "i hate mom" on her pictures. pretty twisted and disturbing stuff...
but OTOH i always dig the pictures the kids draw of me and them together (either at the therapists or at school)... always puts a smile on my face. got them pinned up on the fridge and in their rooms.

thanks for your thoughts.

[trndobrd]

Don't be too quick to blame it on your attorney. It sounds like she has done a damn fine job for you so far. I don't mess with domestic, but I do know that Judges really hate custody hearings and will go to great lengths to have the parties come to some sort of resolution. In Kansas I believe you can get a temporary support order while you are waiting for final disposition. Your jurisdiction may vary.

Also in Kansas, only one party to a conversation needs to know that it is being recorded. Might be worthwhile to have the video camera pointed out the bedroom window next Wednesday night.

Do you know if Ex-Con or Delinquent Son are still under any type of court or post release supervision? If so, may have some suggestions.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by go bo

...
turning to your question, there are many substantial advantages to having custody such as control over the kids medical treatment, control over the activities going on around them, etc.
...
...

first of all, her visitations ARE supposed to be supervised. for some fucked up reason they seem to think that having the visits at her parent's house qualifies as being "supervised". they ALL know that the kids are NOT supposed to be anywhere near ex-con and gangsta-boy because mother-of-asshole has been at most of the hearings, and was certainly at the last hearing when they looked straight at her in the courtroom and said that supervised visitations would take place in their house.
they also looked straight at her when they reiterated that the kids would not be anywhere near ex-con and gangsta-boy during these supervised visits.
this is also written in plain english on the damn court orders we all have copies of.

regardless of such, ex-con and gangsta-boy have BOTH been at the "supervised" visitation house when my son goes for his "supervised" visits. asshole even had the audacity to pick my son up with ex-con and gangsta-boy in the fucking car with her!!! she sent my son back in to tell my mom (who was watching the kids for me while i was working) that it was an old neighbor in the passenger's seat (gangsta-boy was hiding in the back seat). my mom has met that particular person and KNEW it wasn't him. by the time she got the camera, asshole had sped off down the street with my son in the car with the fucking people she isn't supposed to have him around...
cripes... i picked him up from his visit tonight and my daughter saw them peeking out the windows... again. my son also confirmed that they had been there all weekend... again.

WTF??!!

yeah... "supervised" visitation. they're ALL thumbing their noses at the court while i follow the rules like a friggin' chump. this SUCKS bo... for real.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by tommykat

I feel for you, mostly the children. They are such a precious gift from God. More and more "men" are getting custody of the children. You have done a great job. I have to agree with Phob on this.....One day when/if she does get clean she will hurt worse than you or the kids have. I know that sounds simple, but it is true. You don't have to love her or like her, but one day if she cleans up her act remember that those beautiful children are part of both of you.

Bless you and your children. God is with you!

thanks for your thoughts...

one question though... what's with the "men" in quotes??
just curious...

[Loki]

hmmm... been trying to thank all who have responded to this thread but apparently it will not let me continue to do so. (that's kinda lame...)
anyways, thanks to all who have responded so far, i'll get to each of you individually when i can.
47

[kregger]

Loki,
Hang in there dude. It sounds like you are so close to getting this resolved. My prayers to your kids and your family.

[Inspector]

Prayers and best wishes on a expedited and successful fight and victory. That is indeed a rare thing for those who have the penis disadvantage working against them.

I have told my sons: "Be careful where you stick your dick!" on many occasions.

One of them didn't really pay attention. We may in for a similar deal....ugh....

[kepp]

Man, I can't imagine what you and your kids are going through. I'm praying for you guys.

[Iowanian]

I'm in.

I have no life experience to equate this to, only can offer my support to continue to do what you're doing for the betterment of the Kids and yourself.

Don't let the hate for her burn you up.

Best of luck.

[Brock]

Sorry, Loke.

[SquirrellyBastard]

We'll pray for you. Good Luck!

Originally Posted by Loki

thanks for your thoughts...

one question though... what's with the "men" in quotes??
just curious...

She doesn't have any idea, Lok. I wouldn't sweat it.

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by Loki

first of all, her visitations ARE supposed to be supervised. for some fucked up reason they seem to think that having the visits at her parent's house qualifies as being "supervised". they ALL know that the kids are NOT supposed to be anywhere near ex-con and gangsta-boy because mother-of-asshole has been at most of the hearings, and was certainly at the last hearing when they looked straight at her in the courtroom and said that supervised visitations would take place in their house.
they also looked straight at her when they reiterated that the kids would not be anywhere near ex-con and gangsta-boy during these supervised visits.
this is also written in plain english on the damn court orders we all have copies of.

regardless of such, ex-con and gangsta-boy have BOTH been at the "supervised" visitation house when my son goes for his "supervised" visits. asshole even had the audacity to pick my son up with ex-con and gangsta-boy in the fucking car with her!!! she sent my son back in to tell my mom (who was watching the kids for me while i was working) that it was an old neighbor in the passenger's seat (gangsta-boy was hiding in the back seat). my mom has met that particular person and KNEW it wasn't him. by the time she got the camera, asshole had sped off down the street with my son in the car with the fucking people she isn't supposed to have him around...
cripes... i picked him up from his visit tonight and my daughter saw them peeking out the windows... again. my son also confirmed that they had been there all weekend... again.

WTF??!!

yeah... "supervised" visitation. they're ALL thumbing their noses at the court while i follow the rules like a friggin' chump. this SUCKS bo... for real.

I won't even pretend to be a lawyer, but wouldn't this be a violation of a court order, or some such?

Originally Posted by Bowser

I won't even pretend to be a lawyer, but wouldn't this be a violation of a court order, or some such?

My ex has violated dozens of court orders. They don't enforce them unless you spend thousands of dollars taking them to court again and again. Family court is an absolute nightmare. Don't ever get divorced not even if your wife decides she's a man. Become gay.

[mlyonsd]

Thoughts and prayers to your kids and you.

Also, anyone that would throw a 7 year old against a wall deserves a two year battle with terminal pancreatic cancer.