prayer request: for my children

[Loki]

i have been contemplating wether or not to do this for quite some time and am still not too keen on spilling my guts out on this BB despite the fact that i feel there is a good sense of "community" here. i'm not an overly religious person and somewhat question the power of prayer, but if ever i needed support through prayer, now is that time. i have two beautiful children (daughter age 7, son age 5) and they really need your help/thoughts/prayers.

if any of you have been wondering where i have been or what i've been doing for the past couple months, here's the scoop... please bear with me as this is a LONG story.

for the last 2 years, i have been battling my ex-wife for custody of my children. it has been an ugly UGLY fight both in terms of emotional (and financial) stress.
my ex (from now on will be addressed as "asshole" for storytelling purposes) is a drug (coccaine, weed, pills, etc) abuser, physical abuser, and an emotional abuser. she lives with and associates with an ex-convict and his juvenile delinquent son. these two people also abuse my children when they are around them.

examples of abuse you ask? honestly there are too many to list but i will give you a small sample. (i could seriously write a bible sized book about this.) not feeding the kids, not bathing the kids, not taking them to the doctor's when they are sick or injured, locking them out of the house in rain/snow/cold/night (in t-shirts and shorts) so they could do their drugs, hitting/kicking/beating the kids (i have pictures of bruises), stealing the kid's college funds for drug money, shooting the kids with bb guns, doing drugs in front of the kids, locking the kids in rooms unsupervised with porn movies in the dvd players, yelling/screaming at the kids, telling the kids they wished they were never born, making the kids drink beer, forcing the kids to be physically abusive to each other, threatening the kids, physically abusing the kid's pet dog in front of them to intimidate the kids (ie: i'm going to do this to YOU if you don't...) throwing out the kids birthday/x-mas presents that come from my house/family in front of them (usually after smashing them to bits), smoking (whatever) in front of them and then blowing it in their faces...
*sigh* the list goes on... i'm sure you get the idea, so back to the story.

prior to jan 1st of this year, my children were in asshole's physical custody and were subjected to all sorts of inappropriate or abusive behaviors (as noted above). i was only allowed to see them on weekends. after jan 1st, my children moved in with me and things drastically changed for them (obviously for the better)
within 3 weeks of them living with me, all their teachers (from the private school i had them enrolled in) approached me and said they noticed a complete and positive change in the children's behavior, appearance, and academics. unbeknownst to me, asshole had approached the school and made up all sorts of BS lies and stories about me and none of the teachers would approach or speak with me (for the most part). luckily my son's teachers were some pretty sharp individuals (thanks so much for believing in me mrs. m and mrs. e !!) and pulled me aside prior to the children moving in with me and asked me about the situation. (apparently they had tried contacting asshole since the beginning of the year about my son's aggressive and inappropriate behaviors in class. they insisted that he get some type of counseling but were getting nowhere with asshole so turned to me.) i explained to them that i had been trying to get counseling for my children since the divorce, but was unable to get asshole to sign consent forms because she didn't want the children to talk about her, convict boyfriend, gangster son, or what was going on @ her house. this news disgusted them, so they told me some of the things that asshole had said about me and told me that they would try and help me get some counseling. a couple weeks later (after more unsuccessful attempts to get any response from asshole) i had an official school document DEMANDING counseling for my son and several teachers giving me full support to start some type of action. (they also contacted DSS on my children's behalf due to some of the things my children were telling their teachers at school).

so, with support from the school, and DSS investigating asshole (finally) i decided to make my move and slam this b!tch. i contacted my attorney (who knew i was going to go for custody when i had some ammo), got the kids in with the counselor (i had been trying to get them in with for the last 2 yrs), and served asshole with my intent to sue for full custody.
from there all hell broke loose.

we have been to court at least 6 times in the last 4 months. been subjected to hardcore investigations by the courts and DSS, subjected to drug testing (i have passed all of them because i am CLEAN, while she has failed them... she came out 30 times (16000ng) over the limit (500ng) for coccaine) subjected to countless questioning (the same friggin questions over and over *groan*) by countless court agents (who never seem to pass prior investigation information along) and paid out so much money i've had to sell things and take out loans just to keep up. and this is far from over...

just before our last court appearance (about 3 weeks ago) asshole took my daughter and threw her against a wall and subsequently put her in the hospital. she is out of the hospital now and doing much better. she won't suffer any permanent neurological damage according to the doctors, but didn't have any "marks" on her so the hospital couldn't prove (without reasonable doubt) that asshole did it to her. both my kids vehemently maintain that asshole did do this, but we have no hard proof.

un-fucking-believeable.

currently, i have been granted full physical and legal custody of my children. however, for some strange reason, asshole has been granted visitation rights (every other weekend) and "interim dinner visits" where she can take the kids every wednesday night for 3 hours. thankfully, my daughter (currently) doesn't have to go with asshole, but my son does. (so what fucking GOOD does it mean for me to have full custody if she has any contact with them??!!! someone please enlighten me on that one... i'm baffled...)
at the very least has this change in custody brought about any positive changes? you bet! my kids are now in a new school, love it and are doing GREAT , they have new friends that they get to play with (their mother never let them go visit friends or have friends over because of the drugs... she even used to transport the drugs in their school backpacks... WTF??!!), they now have sleep overs, playdates, birthday parties (where no one smashes their gifts and/or throws them out), they have been begging to play sports and are now enrolled in and playing sports, get to see their counselor/therapist (whom they really dig...) on a weekly basis, and best of all, they are smiling and laughing again... it has been a long time since i've seen something so simple as a smile on their faces (how friggin sad THAT sh*t was... for a LONG time). it is truly a beautiful thing.

it is my firm opinion that asshole should have no contact with my children whatsoever, but apparently the extremely liberal court system in my state doesn't agree with my assessments. (fuck!!) my attorney, on the other hand, is very pleased with current orders as this state is EXTREMELY biased towards women/mothers and fathers usually (99.9% of the time) get totally SHAFTED. at this point i feel i can attest to that.
now asshole has shifted her tactics and is fucking with me with the only group of people who will still listen to her bullsh*t: DSS. she can't beat me in court so she's getting these dumb b4stards to fuck up our world. how is she getting them to listen to her? well, she tells them that i force my kids to watch porn, that i'm a porn addict and that i wank my hogan in front of my kids... she has also threatened my children to lie for her to support her claims. (nice) all her other claims (about me) to DSS have been thrown out as ridiculous, but this time she got their attention. i am now being investigated by these DSS dumbasses for 45 days. fuck!!!

despite the fact that i have a lot of good people backing and supporting me (teachers, lawyers, counselors/therapists, doctors, neighbors, family members, etc..) and that my entire case is based in truth and fact and hers is based on lies and pure bullsh*t, we are going into court yet again for another "pre-trial" hearing this coming thursday the 28th of sept 2006. when will this end??!!

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

Don't be too quick to blame it on your attorney. It sounds like she has done a damn fine job for you so far. I don't mess with domestic, but I do know that Judges really hate custody hearings and will go to great lengths to have the parties come to some sort of resolution. In Kansas I believe you can get a temporary support order while you are waiting for final disposition. Your jurisdiction may vary.

Also in Kansas, only one party to a conversation needs to know that it is being recorded. Might be worthwhile to have the video camera pointed out the bedroom window next Wednesday night.

Do you know if Ex-Con or Delinquent Son are still under any type of court or post release supervision? If so, may have some suggestions.

lol... did i strike a nerve counselor?
naaah. i dig my attorney, she's done a great job (so far). we actually joke back and forth about her payment and my "brokeness". i told her my last check paid for her leather interior...

we have discussed the "$upport" issues among other things that we are going to push for come this thursday. i am assuming that this is far from over because this fuckin b!tch will not lay down. she's like a zombie from some horror movie that won't stop coming after you unless you lop the friggin head off. between these multiple "pre-trial" hearings and the friggin DSS people up my a$$, it's apparent that she's not going to go quietly like we'd all like her to.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Inspector

Prayers and best wishes on a expedited and successful fight and victory. That is indeed a rare thing for those who have the penis disadvantage working against them.

I have told my sons: "Be careful where you stick your dick!" on many occasions.

One of them didn't really pay attention. We may in for a similar deal....ugh....

yeah... be careful where you stick it indeed.

thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

well, if your son needs some advice i can certainly give some. where i went right and where i went wrong with this situation (so far).

if it's headed in that direction his best bets are to:

1. get the kids in counseling RIGHT AWAY. it is going to help the kids first and foremost (which is the most important aspect. divorce SUCKS for kids... get them the help/guidance right away so they don't have to suffer more.), and as far as the court is concerned, it looks better if HE initiates it and not her. gnome sayn? my initiative on counseling for my children ended up being a BIG feather in my cap with the courts.

2. keep a journal. dates, times, facts and outcomes. keep the "emotional" out of it. just the facts. it's a TOTAL pain in the ass (and i HATE doing it) but if you DO go to court, the GAL's are going to want to read it cover to cover.

3. shop around for a good attorney. do some research on the father's advocacy groups in your area, ask around and try to find one of the attorneys that is recommended by the group, but doesn't have too much of the "political agenda" written all over them. the judges don't like the "political agenda" stuff in their courtrooms for the most part. (especially if the courts are "women-biased" in your neck of the woods.)

hope this helps. good luck.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Bowser

I won't even pretend to be a lawyer, but wouldn't this be a violation of a court order, or some such?

you would be correct, sir.

and that is what pisses me off so much. i follow the rules and still get investigated and dicked with, while she BLATANTLY ignores the orders and gets away with it.

fuckin' aggravating/frustrating/etc.

[trndobrd]

Originally Posted by Loki

you would be correct, sir.

and that is what pisses me off so much. i follow the rules and still get investigated and dicked with, while she BLATANTLY ignores the orders and gets away with it.

fuckin' aggravating/frustrating/etc.

That's why God made little green video cameras.


Oh, is her excon boyfriend on probation?

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Swanman

Loki, thanks for putting any "problems" I have into complete perspective. You should be sainted for not putting asshole and the entire legal system into the same shallow grave.

This would probably have no legs, but as she is lying about what you do with your kids in order to swing custody to her favor, a libel/slander suit might be in order. It's awful that she is accusing horrendous things against you in order to manipulate the legal system in her favor. Also, I know it's probably prohibited because of patient/client privilege, but I'm wondering if your kids' therapist could petition the court to have CUNextTuesday taken out of the picture entirely.

thanks for your thoughts.

hmmm... right now, i'm friggin maxed out on court stress... both emotional and financial. my attorney and i have discussed an appeal strategy if asshole comes up with any more DSS claims (and a possible restraining order) after this 45 day investigation is up. we may end up appealig the 45 day investigation if we can get copies of the current "claims" against me from DSS dependant upon what the actual claims are.... right now they're giving me the run around like the pope in an abortion clinic as far as getting copies of the 51a and 51b forms.

as far as the kid's therapist is concerned, both the GAL's decided NOT to let the kid's therapist testify. i am EXTREMELY upset about this as she has so much information to tell the judge and could more than likely do some serious damage to asshole's camp. the GAL's decision on this was that the therapist has created such a good "haven" for the kids to talk and feel comfortable that they don't want to disrupt that by having her testify, and secondly, they don't want asshole hearing the testimony (and subsequently punishing the kids) if the judge decides to grant more visitation rights.

i don't know where i stand on those decisions to not let the therapist testify. the therapist WANTS to testify for the kids and kick some ass for them, but seems WAY more understanding and content with the GAL's decisions than i am.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by picasso

MOVE!
Get the hell out of there and at least 1500 miles between you and the asshole. Make it so she has to pay for the expense of transportation of seeing her children, bet she won't even try. And if she does don't send them back for visitation.
From state to state there isn't anything the other parent can do in the courts from long distance, the asshole would have to go to your state and file for visitation or failure to allow and have to live there while going through lengthy multiple court dates, bet she wont even try.
How do I know? I've been there man.

hmmmm, you don't have a bad suggestion, and i sure would like to move. but...
problems with that:
1. she got the house in the divorce.
2. she got all my money in the divorce.
3. i am just barely squeaking by since i had to start over from scratch.
4. there is a stipulation (i'm trying to get overturned) in the divorce orders that states i can't leave the state... fuck!!! i HATE this friggin state!!! and the b!tch knew that when she got that clause pushed through.
5. even if i could leave the state, there is hardly any work in my field anymore. what i used to do (and make good money at) is now offshored to china and india.
i had planned to go back to school and further the medical training i got when i was in the army before this custody battle took place. now that seed money is gone.

fuck...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by ChiefsOne

Ask your attorney to request supervised visitation for "asshole" (sounds like skank whore to me) when she has the kids. This should be an easy thing to do since she has tested positive for drugs.

How old are your kids? If they are over 10 and reseasonably mature for thier age the judge can talk to them get their side.

Good luck, my ex was a complete bitch for years and this story makes her sound like an angel.

her visitation is SUPPOSED to be supervised. the courts seemed to think that her parents would be suitable supervisors for her visits. these are the same parents with possible mafia affiliations and the same parents who raised 3 drug abusers/dealers of their own. great choices for "supervisors" eh?

my kids are 7 and 5, and the judges in this state don't interview the kids... they appoint GAL's (guardian ad litem - investigative attorneys) to investigate and advocate for the children. (and yes, i have to pay those GAL lawyers in addition to my own lawyer... )

[Loki]

Originally Posted by bunnytrdr

Just kidding.

i'm not...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

That's why God made little green video cameras.


Oh, is her excon boyfriend on probation?

i honestly don't have time to follow her around with a video camera. i have to work and take care of my kids. i am very busy being a single dad. school, sports, playdates, birthday parties, therapy sessions, doctors and dentists, cooking, cleaning, laundry, blah blah blah.
just the doctors visits alone since i got custody have been outrageous... she never took them to the doctor's so i've had to get them all their shots up to date, physical exams up to date, medical records up to date etc etc etc.
cripes, i haven't done anything fun for myself or been out on a date (or gotten laid for that matter ) in a looooong time.

as far as excon being on probation, you got me. he apparently had a CORI test 10 miles long, but my attorney was never given a copy or allowed to read it. only the GAL's and judge got to see it. it took roughtly 35 minutes for it to print out the entire report...

out of curiosity, what difference would it make if he WAS on probation? is it a 'location' thing, or more of a 'what's he on probation for' kind of thing?

[Swanman]

Originally Posted by Loki

out of curiosity, what difference would it make if he WAS on probation? is it a 'location' thing, or more of a 'what's he on probation for' kind of thing?

I'm guessing if he is on probation, then gets caught for pretty much anything, off to jail he goes - one problem solved, at least temporarily.

[Chiefnj]

Don't they make nanny-cams hidden in teddy bears and other soft animals. Could you give one as a gift to your kids and have them bring it with them when they visit the ahole so it would capture the abuse? I know you don't want to use your children as an instrument to get at ahole, but if they are in physical danger it might make sense.

[picasso]

Originally Posted by Loki

hmmmm, you don't have a bad suggestion, and i sure would like to move. but...
problems with that:
1. she got the house in the divorce.
2. she got all my money in the divorce.
3. i am just barely squeaking by since i had to start over from scratch.
4. there is a stipulation (i'm trying to get overturned) in the divorce orders that states i can't leave the state... fuck!!! i HATE this friggin state!!! and the b!tch knew that when she got that clause pushed through.
5. even if i could leave the state, there is hardly any work in my field anymore. what i used to do (and make good money at) is now offshored to china and india.
i had planned to go back to school and further the medical training i got when i was in the army before this custody battle took place. now that seed money is gone.

fuck...

I've never heard of that before. When can a parental agreement control what the custodial parent can do or not do? I think you need to revisit this regardless what orders were in the divorce - that has nothing to do with a parental agreement. Unless it was because you were behind in support payments to DSS from a long seperation or divorce. But since you have the kids now then that shouldn't matter. And if you are truely the custodial parent then you have the right to change that agreement at the time of given the right to be the custodial parent by making sure that your children are protected due to recent events.

BACK TO THE PLAN:
Sounds to me like you just need to establish ANY employment somewhere out of state, give asshole the 30 day requirement notification by law that you are THINKING about moving and do it after 1 week. By the time she makes a claim that the 30 days were not over, your in another state.
Before you move to the other state first open a post office box in that state for a month or more (preferrably 3 months for residence). Look for an apartment with the first months rent free, get it and have your bills go to that post office box. Take two trips there during that time or if you have family in the area have them check your mail, send it to you so you can pay your bills (which are minimal) before you leave with the kids. It will look like you had made residence in that state prior to asshole deciding to file.
Also during the last month before moving you need to file in the state you're moving to against her that she has been abusive, a dopehead and has lost custody due to that fact.
She will be hand delivered paperwork stating these claims and subpeonaed to show in court to hear her side of the story in the new state you live in. Will she show up, where you have the upperhand?
Doubt it.

[38yrsfan]

I see this sort of thing daily as I am IT support for 5 counties of social workers - I am assuming that is what DSS does. You might want to contact them on a "voluntary services" basis so that you have control of the process and explain your concerns about FUTURE development and risk for your children when exposed to the woman during those times of visitation. If the social workers can completely see it your way then they can (through the courts) prohibit here visiting the kids based on what is best for the child. It can be a very difficult process when drugs are involved as judges are reluctant to terminate parental rights, grant injunctions, etc. when it is possible an addict can be reformed.

Keep your attorney paid and up-to-date (I know, it seems like wasted money) but their support and connections can be invaluable.

The state department for child protection is required by law (and within specified time parameters) to investigate ALL complaints, notices and even annonymous referrals. It is a common tactic that a good social worker can see through right away. If they aren't as helpful as you feel they should be, you might want to consider a private sector social worker for evaluations, recommendations and added clout to your case.

Consider discrete surveillance and recording devices for visitations and phone calls (many states record sensitive interviews and all supervised family visits now) so it isn't an unusual practice.

Keep your nose clean in all areas of your life. Sometimes the most innocuous thing can be very damaging depending upon how it is portrayed.

Do NOT consider flight unless it is out of the country and to a place that doesn't extradite to the US. All states, with the possible exception of Texas - and they have been forced to reluctantly comply as well, share and assist tracking you down in this type of situation.

Good luck and try to stay calm when dealing with the bureaucracy.

[alanm]

Originally Posted by mlyonsd

Thoughts and prayers to your kids and you.

Also, anyone that would throw a 7 year old against a wall deserves a two year battle with terminal pancreatic cancer.

While it would certainly seem fitting for "asshole" in this case. I saw my Dad waste away from a healthy adult to ending up in a urn in a matter of 4 months. Pancreatic cancer is probably the nastiest of cancers that afflict humans. I wouldn't wish that type for anyone.

[teedubya]

what a complete crock of shit. Man, I dont think you should smack women, but wow. This woman would make me reconsider.

This bitch has a lot of ****ing gall. Unreal.

Much love to you, Loki. My prayers are with you.

Wow.