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Old 01-26-2007, 10:55 AM  
RealSNR RealSNR is offline
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Tom Cruise achieves "holy" status in scientology
Can't wait to see what ytmnd has up the next couple days

http://film.guardian.co.uk/News_Stor...999043,00.html

It's official - Tom Cruise is divine


Marina Hyde
Friday January 26, 2007
The Guardian


It's official - Tom Cruise is divine
In a week in which we hardly need reminding that religion is the answer, not the problem, there is excellent news for imbeciles, or "Scientologists" as the sect's leaders euphemistically insist on referring to its followers. Specifically, Tom Cruise is the new Jesus. Right backatcha, Richard Dawkins!

If you believe reports, the deeply sane Mission Impossible star has been told by church bigwigs that he is the "chosen one", and destined to spread the word of Scientology around the world. Cynics are instructed to put aside the image of Terry Jones squawking, "He's not the Messiah, he's a very disturbed man!" and just acknowledge how much more resonant the whole water-into-wine thing would have been if Jesus had been able to do cool bar tricks like Tom's character in Cocktail. Or, perhaps, like Tom's commanding officer in Top Gun, you believe Jesus's ego was writing cheques his body couldn't cash, and that the whole Messiah myth will be reinvigorated by an entertainment personality with a better understanding of the need for an "up" ending.

Whatever your hopes, expect Biblical throngs to congregate from Reno to Rwanda, as Tom explains that we're all surrounded by evil alien spirits exiled to this planet by the galactic tyrant Xenu 75 billion years ago. And then bills them $30,000 each for the information.
According to an unnamed source in the Sun (which is pretty much the same thing as according to a magic pixie): "Tom has been told he is Scientology's Christ-like figure. Like Christ" - stay with this - "he has been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right."

The counter-theory, of course, is that believing that Tom is the Messiah will result in future generations having to live under the earth's scorched crust, distilling drinking water from their own urine. But it has to be worth a punt, doesn't it?
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Old 01-26-2007, 07:32 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by kcxiv
Jack Bauer will hold TC hostage and force him to give up his Jesus-like status.
Jack Bauer needs to shoot TC in the head and rescue KH.
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Old 01-26-2007, 08:55 PM   #92
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He not jesus he don't have the cool beard.
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Old 01-26-2007, 10:04 PM   #93
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Were you around kicking it with jesus to verify that? or you just talking out your ass?
Neither. We have a good idea through anthropology, fossils, and health records and history to determine the average size of people then.
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Old 01-26-2007, 10:05 PM   #94
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Neither. We have a good idea through anthropology, fossils, and health records and history to determine the average size of people then.
still waiting...
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Old 01-26-2007, 11:10 PM   #95
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Old 01-26-2007, 11:59 PM   #96
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Old 01-27-2007, 12:28 AM   #97
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Originally Posted by Jenson71
No, Stevie. "Christ-like". Or "like Christ"
Outside of hanging out with a hooker or two I fail to see any similarity...
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Old 01-27-2007, 12:32 AM   #98
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If I were going to name an 80's sex symbol stuck in the closet the next Jesus I think I'd go with Patrick Swayze.

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Old 01-27-2007, 01:12 AM   #99
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Originally Posted by stevieray
still waiting...
Seriously, how ignorant would anyone have to be in order to believe for one second that I'm a scientologist? You've read my posts, especially ones indicating HOW STRONG A CATHOLIC I AM. See the countless posts I've made over religion, disputes in Christianity, and Jesus. My hero is A PRIEST was a post of mine. MY SIG HAS A QUOTE FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II.

Yeah, I'm a scientologist.
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:22 AM   #100
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Neither. We have a good idea through anthropology, fossils, and health records and history to determine the average size of people then.
Well, i am Mexican, and we don't get to tall, yet the Chiefs signed a Mexican thats what 6'7? See my point here? Hell, for all we know he could have been well over 6'.
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:25 AM   #101
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Old 01-27-2007, 08:56 AM   #102
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Old 01-27-2007, 09:00 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by Jenson71
Seriously, how ignorant would anyone have to be in order to believe for one second that I'm a scientologist? You've read my posts, especially ones indicating HOW STRONG A CATHOLIC I AM. See the countless posts I've made over religion, disputes in Christianity, and Jesus. My hero is A PRIEST was a post of mine. MY SIG HAS A QUOTE FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II.

Yeah, I'm a scientologist.

I asked because I couldn't believe YOU would be THAT ignorant.
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Old 01-27-2007, 10:04 AM   #104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kcxiv
Well, i am Mexican, and we don't get to tall, yet the Chiefs signed a Mexican thats what 6'7? See my point here? Hell, for all we know he could have been well over 6'.
Like I said, "probably". But, with all the gospels there are, theologians believe that he was average height, because otherwise, numerous gospels would have probably indicated that he was different in that regard.
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Old 01-27-2007, 10:05 AM   #105
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I asked because I couldn't believe YOU would be THAT ignorant.
I was just having fun after Big Daddy asked if I was. The fact that then Frazod claims how I've taken naivete to an art form just makes it that much better.
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