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Old 05-04-2008, 06:53 PM  
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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*OFFICIAL* relationship advice thread

All the Slayer talk in the Stevieray thread made long for the days when Slayer would help everyone out with their lady problems. Since he's disappeared, I figure the Planet needs another one-stop-shop for relationship advice, so who more qualified than I to pick up the mantle Slayer has cast aside?

Having trouble with the ladies? Are you in the wife's doghouse? Just plain unlucky in love altogether? You've come to the right place.

Dr. GoLove is in the house.
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Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-05-2008, 09:33 AM   #31
ChiefButthurt ChiefButthurt is offline
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Mods.....can we get a sticky on this one?
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ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.ChiefButthurt has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
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Old 05-05-2008, 09:35 AM   #32
QuikSsurfer QuikSsurfer is offline
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How did you really expect this to turn out?
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Old 05-05-2008, 10:25 AM   #33
smittysbar smittysbar is offline
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Old 05-05-2008, 11:00 AM   #34
blueballs blueballs is offline
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I t hink I grip to hard
or the slut is too lose
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Old 05-07-2008, 04:19 PM   #35
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Originally Posted by blueballs View Post
I t hink I grip to hard
or the slut is too lose
This is a common problem. Are you an after-hours bar diver? I suggest picking up a little dainty thing at church.
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Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-07-2008, 04:57 PM   #36
Donger Donger is offline
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How may I be of assistance?
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Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-07-2008, 04:59 PM   #37
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Originally Posted by Donger View Post
How may I be of assistance?
In many ways. Your wife probably would appreciate some help around the house. Think how happy she'd be if one day she came home from grocery shopping and you were vacuuming the house naked with an erection.

Surprise her from time to time and make dinner. I don't suggest doing it in the nude, especially if you're boiling something.

Go the extra mile and rent a chick flick every once in awhile. You can find books at your local library on cunnilingus if you're inexperienced.
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Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-07-2008, 05:00 PM   #38
Donger Donger is offline
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Originally Posted by GOATSE View Post
In many ways. Your wife probably would appreciate some help around the house. Think how happy she'd be if one day she came home from grocery shopping and you were vacuuming the house naked with an erection.

Surprise her from time to time and make dinner. I don't suggest doing it in the nude, especially if you're boiling something.

Go the extra mile and rent a chick flick every once in awhile. You can find books at your local library on cunnilingus if you're inexperienced.
I do all of those things on a routine basis.
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Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.Donger is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:48 PM   #39
Brendan08901 Brendan08901 is offline
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Alright guys, I need help bad. I can't make new threads so I figure this is as good a place as any. My boys and I were eating at this Korean BBQ place. I was flirting with the waitress and we end up exchanging numbers. My friends and I leave and two hours later she calls me asking if I wanted to hang out after work. I meet her at her job before she gets out and we start walking back to her place. Along the way, she starts telling me how she’s been raped twice, how a drunk driver killed her cousin, and how her fiancée died while disarming a bomb in Israel. We get to her house and I thought I was going in with her, until she tells me we won’t be having sex until marriage and how she’s so happy to be my boyfriend. She goes inside and I’m left wondering, “What the **** just happened?”
She calls me the next day to hang out and we do. She’s introducing me to all her friends as her boyfriend and I’m scared shitless. I pull her aside and tell her we can still hang out and fool around, but I’m not looking for a relationship. She says, “You can still **** other girls and you don’t have to call me your girlfriend, but I wanna still call you my boyfriend.” I figure that’s a compromise and agree to it.
I had her over yesterday and we fooled around for an hour before she had to go to work. We agreed that I’d spend the weekend over he house. She calls me later that night crying about her life and how she wants to “just end it all”. I get about three or four different sets of text messages from her a day. I’m getting picture messages saying how “fate brought us together”. I’m genuinely scared when my phone rings now.
Today I remembered that I’m gonna be down south during the weekend for my sister’s graduation, so I let her know I won’t be able to hang out. She calls me crying again and goes on about how she’s “always going to be a failure” and how she understands if I don’t want to be with her anymore. She’s saying crazy shit about how “blood is blue until oxygen hits it” and how she’s cutting herself right there with me on the phone.
I don’t know what the **** I’m gonna do. My plan is to meet with her tomorrow (in public) and tell her that this isn’t healthy for either one of us and we need to end it. Let her know that she needs to get help immediately and ****ing bounce (I want to get this out of the way before I go down south). I’m going to give one of her coworkers my number and have him/her keep in contact so I know if she tries to hurt herself. But other than that, I have no idea what to do. I’ve seen other threads and you give good advice as a group, and I figure crowd sourcing couldn’t hurt at all. So what do you guys recommend? Thanks.
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Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:49 PM   #40
Brendan08901 Brendan08901 is offline
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Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:49 PM   #41
Brendan08901 Brendan08901 is offline
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Sorry mods, but I gotta bump this until its on the front page.
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Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.Brendan08901 ....proof positive that somebody pissed in the gene pool.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:55 PM   #42
KC Tattoo KC Tattoo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan08901 View Post
Alright guys, I need help bad. I can't make new threads so I figure this is as good a place as any. My boys and I were eating at this Korean BBQ place. I was flirting with the waitress and we end up exchanging numbers. My friends and I leave and two hours later she calls me asking if I wanted to hang out after work. I meet her at her job before she gets out and we start walking back to her place. Along the way, she starts telling me how she’s been raped twice, how a drunk driver killed her cousin, and how her fiancée died while disarming a bomb in Israel. We get to her house and I thought I was going in with her, until she tells me we won’t be having sex until marriage and how she’s so happy to be my boyfriend. She goes inside and I’m left wondering, “What the **** just happened?”
She calls me the next day to hang out and we do. She’s introducing me to all her friends as her boyfriend and I’m scared shitless. I pull her aside and tell her we can still hang out and fool around, but I’m not looking for a relationship. She says, “You can still **** other girls and you don’t have to call me your girlfriend, but I wanna still call you my boyfriend.” I figure that’s a compromise and agree to it.
I had her over yesterday and we fooled around for an hour before she had to go to work. We agreed that I’d spend the weekend over he house. She calls me later that night crying about her life and how she wants to “just end it all”. I get about three or four different sets of text messages from her a day. I’m getting picture messages saying how “fate brought us together”. I’m genuinely scared when my phone rings now.
Today I remembered that I’m gonna be down south during the weekend for my sister’s graduation, so I let her know I won’t be able to hang out. She calls me crying again and goes on about how she’s “always going to be a failure” and how she understands if I don’t want to be with her anymore. She’s saying crazy shit about how “blood is blue until oxygen hits it” and how she’s cutting herself right there with me on the phone.
I don’t know what the **** I’m gonna do. My plan is to meet with her tomorrow (in public) and tell her that this isn’t healthy for either one of us and we need to end it. Let her know that she needs to get help immediately and ****ing bounce (I want to get this out of the way before I go down south). I’m going to give one of her coworkers my number and have him/her keep in contact so I know if she tries to hurt herself. But other than that, I have no idea what to do. I’ve seen other threads and you give good advice as a group, and I figure crowd sourcing couldn’t hurt at all. So what do you guys recommend? Thanks.
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KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.KC Tattoo is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:56 PM   #43
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Tell her she should at least have sex one last time before she kills herself.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavericks Ace View Post
I may be brain dead who knows.
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Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:58 PM   #44
Brock Brock is offline
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Originally Posted by Brendan08901 View Post
Sorry mods, but I gotta bump this until its on the front page.
Throw your phone in the river.
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Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.Brock is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-01-2013, 10:09 PM   #45
sd4chiefs sd4chiefs is offline
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I would just send her a text saying that your Mother does not let you date crazy chicks.
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sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.sd4chiefs would the whole thing.
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