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Old 07-21-2012, 02:57 AM  
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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The Declaration Of Independence, MO - The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel

The Declaration Of Independence, MO


The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel


When in the course of football events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the fandom bands which have connected them with a Quarterback, and to assume among the Powers of the NFL, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Football and of the NFL's Goodell entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Quarterbacks are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Unalienable Talents, that among these are Arm Strength, Accuracy and the Pursuit of Championships.

That to secure these talents, Quarterbacks are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the Consent of the Fanbase, That whenever any Form of Quarterback becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Quarterbacks, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Attendance At Arrowhead and Hope For A Championship.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Quarterbacks Long Established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably The Same Offense evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to Throw Off Such Quarterbacks, and to provide new Guards (however, neither left nor right) for their Future Rooting Interests.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Chiefs Fans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Offense. The history of the present Quarterback is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an Absolute Run-First Offense over the State of Missouri.


To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.


Cassel 3:16


Spoiler!


Playoff Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Winning Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Lacks Deep Passing Ability


Spoiler!


Cassel Makes Offensive Linemen Worse


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Good Defenses At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Elite Quarterbacks At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!



We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of Chiefs Fans, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme GM of Arrowhead for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Chiefs, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Chiefs fans are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel.

That they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Patriot Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of New England, is and ought to be totally dissolved.

And that as Free and Independent Chiefs Fans, they have full Power to levy Boos, conclude Peace, contract Alliances with Dwayne Bowe, establish Commerce with Top Five Picks, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Fans may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Playoff Fortunes and our Sacred Fandom.


SIGN BELOW


This post made possible by SNR, Coogs and The Gang Of 14.
Statistics compiled by ESPN, PFF and PFR

Dedicated to 'Hamas' Jenkins, our Patrick Henry, who said "Give Me Sanchez, Or Give Me Death."









For further details, please review The Pioli Facts.

The Declaration has been updated with statistics from 2012 and FINALIZED. Remove Matt Cassel from Kansas City. FOREVER.

Last edited by Count Zarth; 12-26-2012 at 08:03 AM..
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:28 PM   #61
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milkman View Post
The whole Declaration of Independence, Mo. delivery is a pretty stupid idea.
It's awesome, bro.

Awesome.

It fits so well.

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:30 PM   #62
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Originally Posted by qabbaan View Post
Reaction to whomever wrote the OP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsv0GGattHE
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:34 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milkman View Post
The whole Declaration of Independence, Mo. delivery is a pretty stupid idea.

It takes away from the real meat of the post.
That's where you're wrong. It's marketing. There are a ton of people who would never read this post in a million years if it didn't have some humor framing the data for them. I'm pretty sure you aren't one of those, but you aren't the target. You already know the data. This is about aggregating the data and expanding the circle of those who know about it.

Last edited by wazu; 07-21-2012 at 01:42 PM..
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:36 PM   #64
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qabbaan= the shitty kid from Jurassic Park III who stars as one of Mel Gibson's sons in this movie
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:43 PM   #65
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Plus, the Declaration of Independence was literally the same ****ing thing.

They thought that people should be free from assholes, contended that they were dealing with an asshole, and presented facts detailing his assholism. Then they told the asshole to **** off.

And they signed that shit.

And then they kicked ass and won a championship with the first franchise quarterback.

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Old 07-21-2012, 01:49 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by wazu View Post
That's where you're wrong. It's marketing. There are a ton of people who would never read this post in a million years if it didn't have some humor framing the data for them. I'm pretty sure you aren't one of those, but you aren't the target. You already know the data. This is about aggregating the data and expanding the circle of those who know about it.
I get that presentation is important for some.

I also think that Claythan is usually one of the better ones here at presentation.

I just think this particular presentation is ****ing stupid.
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:52 PM   #67
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Logical is burning the 2010 AFC West Championship flag.

Your argument is invalid.
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:54 PM   #68
L.A. Chieffan L.A. Chieffan is offline
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Milkman is a closet Cassell fan
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:55 PM   #69
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Logical is burning the 2010 AFC West Championship flag.

Your argument is invalid.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:04 PM   #70
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:06 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by L.A.Chieffan View Post
Milkman is a closet Cassell fan
Thanks, LAC. You've given me a great opportunity to try out my latest invention. It emits a beep every time the word "dumbass" is uttered.

I've been meaning to put it through a stress test for some time now. Thanks to you (and milkman) that test is now possible
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:10 PM   #72
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Originally Posted by SNR View Post
Thanks, LAC. You've given me a great opportunity to try out my latest invention. It emits a beep every time the word "dumbass" is uttered.

I've been meaning to put it through a stress test for some time now. Thanks to you (and milkman) that test is now possible
I don't waste a perfectly good "dumbass" on LA Chieffan.

His schtick is not worth the effort.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:10 PM   #73
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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By the way, there were some great Cassel GIFs that had the word "****" in them that I was afraid to repost, because CASSEL AIN'T THE ONLY DESPOT AROUND HERE.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:10 PM   #74
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Clay, although your work is wonderful, when I opened the thread I had the same reaction as I would opening a newspaper with the headline reading "Water is Wet".
Everyone here at CP knows how much Cassel sucks, but that doesn't mean it is not important to remind ourselves of exactly how much Cassel sucks.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:19 PM   #75
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OP is the most comprehensive "Cassel sucks" post in the history of CP.

Pioli, pwned.
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