Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Jim Jones]

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

[CaliforniaChief]

I don't think you can just pretend you never read that and act like all's well.

Doing that will put everything else she says/does in question.

Do approach it cautiously, even with an apology for looking at her texts but just letting her know how hurt you feel. If you come off accusatory in any way, she'll get defensive and focus on you reading her texts. If you share how hurt you are in an "I feel" kind of way, you'll probably fare much better.

Just don't make any references to Jovan Belcher during the conversation.

[ChiefsNow]

Repeat some of the comments made in the text during the family get together. That could be fun.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Touchdown Kansas City !!!

Repeat some of the comments made in the text during the family get together. That could be fun.

oooooo,, this!!!

[something cooler]

I am very poor in relationships. what I would do is not say anything and sit on it. and then I would probably bring up in the next fight at a very inappropriate time.

[frazod]

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by Touchdown Kansas City !!!

Repeat some of the comments made in the text during the family get together. That could be fun.

Heh. "Remember that one Christmas when Jim Jones had that one girl he was engaged to, and started rambling off all those nasty texts he saw verbatim? What was her name again?"

[RunKC]

Confront her in private. It needs to be done.

What she's said about your family>Her knowing that you read her texts

[KILLER_CLOWN]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

Yup, that would scare the shit outta me.

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

I'll second this, especially the 'what else is she saying that you have no idea about' part.

Your fiancee' has trust issues if she can't talk to you about stuff like this. Might be a blessing that you found all of this out before you married her, maybe.

[something cooler]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

dick move putting that in his head

[Jim Jones]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

Originally Posted by CaliforniaChief

I don't think you can just pretend you never read that and act like all's well.

Doing that will put everything else she says/does in question.

Do approach it cautiously, even with an apology for looking at her texts but just letting her know how hurt you feel. If you come off accusatory in any way, she'll get defensive and focus on you reading her texts. If you share how hurt you are in an "I feel" kind of way, you'll probably fare much better.

Just don't make any references to Jovan Belcher during the conversation.

Good shit guys. Appreciate the thoughts. I've decided I'm definitely going to confront her, but wait until after Christmas. I like the stuff about not being accusatory. My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

[ChiefsNow]

ChiefsPlanet should have an Ann Landers section.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Jim Jones

Good shit guys. Appreciate the thoughts. I've decided I'm definitely going to confront her, but wait until after Christmas. I like the stuff about not being accusatory. My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

I mean, how much do you really like her?

[frazod]

Originally Posted by Argo

dick move putting that in his head

Yeah, like it wasn't there already, idiot.

[something cooler]

let's say she goes this Christmas thing and says something that you know is complete BS because you read those messages... I would have a hard time not starting shit right there.