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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:28 AM   #121
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The people that are saying "invaded her privacy":


How long have you been married?
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:30 AM   #122
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My question is, why are you going to marry someone who you have to snoop on?
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:30 AM   #123
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just talk crap on hers.

jk

It does seem you have major trust issues though. reading other people's text msgs is what chicks do
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:34 AM   #124
Warpaint69 Warpaint69 is offline
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Truth.

Too many people don't take this stuff as seriously as they should for fear of rocking the boat. Rock that ****er now. Later after you are married, it gets a lot more painful and expensive. Besides, what is there to fear? You either want this thing to work or you don't. If you have a bunch of problems bringing stuff up now, imagine what it'll be like after you are married.
I agree with this. Just got out of a roller coaster 2 and a half year relationship. I let far to many things slide in fear of rocking the boat and pissing her off. I learned the hard way that a relationship with her was destined to fail. My ex was simply unable to carry a healthy relationship and the more i learned of her past the more leary i got. She wasn't shy by any stretch. She openly talked crap on my family, my friends, and often times I was the center of those crap talking sessions. Why she said what she said is still beyond me. After awhile I rocked the boat calling her out on her problems, her lies, her deception, and all the other bullcrap fakeness I endured. It wasn't long and she was ready to jump ship when she realized I was done playing her game. Early on she'd grab my phone and look it over like it was nothing. I got ahold of hers early on a few times, had one episode of something I did not like reading. After that for 2 years that thing never left her sight. Who knows what else she was hiding. Either way your going to have a battle on your hands. If she's the one for you this will work out and you will clear this hurdle.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:35 AM   #125
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I wouldnt stand for it for one second, it would all have to be laid out on the table no matter what.

If she wants to try and make her privacy a bigger issue than the hateful drubbing she gave your family, well, i'd be thinking twice about where its all going.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:35 AM   #126
GloryDayz GloryDayz is offline
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Yes, you have to talk to her or it'll fester and get worse. It doesn't need to be an argument, but if that's where she takes it, so be it. But like affairs where so many people want to make it about the sex (which is totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things), keep this about what might be the bigger issue - her inability to talk to you. Nobody's perfect, so you're mother may not be a 5-StarChef, but I'll bet she is... Being critical of others isn't ever a good idea, but letting it extend to the family of the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and whose family is prolly part of the package, is scary.

Sorry to say it, but what you're seeing here might just be the oil and water that you two are. IOW, it might not be the family at all really..

Oh, and if invading their privacy to find out the truth is the only way, so be it. Just be ready for that to be the focal point of the conversation, not her dislike of your family, it's an easy out for her. Deflection of the truth, it's a common tactic...

Maybe she knew you would snoop, and decided this is just a simpler way to tell you.. ???
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:37 AM   #127
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If she can act like that in front of your family, how will you know if anything is genuine between the two of you?
This.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:39 AM   #128
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Tell her that her sister/cousin tried to blow you. That should get the focus off of your family
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:39 AM   #129
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Jones View Post
I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
I think going through someone's private things is a damned good reason for her to dump you. I can have zero respect for people like this. Its happened to me and it sucks.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:47 AM   #130
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I do agree w/ talking to her about it before you're married.

breaking it off now (if it came to that, hopefully not) would be much less aggrevating on you and her...than it would had you gotten hitched and then address the issue.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:49 AM   #131
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:50 AM   #132
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If you actually like your family and want to have a good relationship with them, then it's a dealbreaker for me because that rift is just going to get worse as time goes on and it causes all sorts of problems for your marriage. I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't get along well with my family, especially my mom. Thankfully I'm blessed to have a wife who actually does a better job of maintaining our relationship with my family than I do.

If you don't really give a shit about your family and the relationship you have with them in the future, then don't worry about it.

That being said: shame on you for going through her texts.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:52 AM   #133
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If you do decide to approach her about the unkind texts then starting off by telling her you understand your actions of snooping isn't appropriate and explain why you felt you need to.

This won't make it any easier, but it may allow you then to bring up the bigger issue. Her feelings for your family.

Good luck this could very well test your relationship. If you have to snoop around and she has to lie then there are apparently deeper issues going on.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:53 AM   #134
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
My question is, why are you going to marry someone who you have to snoop on?
Exactly.
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High Tech is Sorcery and the people who are really powerful are literally telling people to commit crimes using the psychic interspace created by the WWW and Wireless. They are controlling peoples actions like drones . The two things are deeply intertwined. The more man's brain interfaces with machines the creepier it gets. They use brains separate from a human body in a supercomputer and you have The Image of the Beast. The military has been doing this since the 50s
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:53 AM   #135
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