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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:53 AM   #166
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Originally Posted by Lonewolf Ed View Post
If you wait until after Christmas, you could lead in to the confrontation by asking your fiance to cook what your mom did and see how she reacts to that. Chicks are devious and sneaky, but that just might catch her off guard.
I call Bullshit. Bitches have played this game for thousands of years. Men are hunters and gatherers. Women like to sit at home make shit up and think. They don't even like to do what they were created for, cook and clean. You lose this any way you play it. The best out is on the paved road I have laid in front of you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:54 AM   #167
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Originally Posted by keg in kc View Post
I'm shocked at the level of misogyny in this thread. Shocked I tell you.
Reality
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:55 AM   #168
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You confront her by ****ing her sister duh.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:55 AM   #169
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Originally Posted by Micjones View Post
Do two things:
1. Say nothing.
2. Stop reading her text messages.

I'm not going to be condescending about you having done that. I've done both and I can tell you that confronting her will not end well. I also think it's ultimately unnecessary to continuing an otherwise happy relationship. We'd ALL be mortified by our partners' most private thoughts. Which is precisely why we shouldn't have access to them. So long as she's kind to your family, does it matter that she isn't fond of your mom's cooking? I mean, most people put on airs to go along with less than pleasant interactions with family.

She'll never get past you invading her privacy in the first place. You'll be angry that she won't set her feelings aside to address yours. The two of you will talk AT each other and your relationship may pay the ultimate price.

LET. IT. GO.
This x billion

I've been married 20 years. My wife's family are some of the dumbest rednecks to ever walk the earth. They keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again and blaming other people.

But I shut up about it. Why? Because I married my wife not them. When their issues impact our relationship, then I confront, but not until then.

If the situation was reversed, I'd know my wife would feel the same way. I'm sure there is crap about my family she doesn't like, but doesn't tell me. I don't care, because she married ME.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:57 AM   #170
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:57 AM   #171
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What exactly did she say? The amount of vitriol she was spewing toward your family makes a difference.

People are jumping on you for snooping...but remember this chick is lying to your face.....EVERYDAY. and shes seems fairly good at it.

If shes calling them all out of their name, address it. If she doesn't like your fam, fine. But she needs to be upfront with YOU about that. Her bsing you like this should make you question everything shes said or done. If she cant be honest with you about this...screw her.
I cannot STAND my wifes family but its no secret to her. I let her know how I feel, but I put on the best face I can when im around them. But I wouldn't cry if the jumped off a cliff. Her not liking them isnt a problem to me, its her not being upfront with you about it that would alarm me.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:00 AM   #172
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:02 AM   #173
GloryDayz GloryDayz is offline
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Go to her house and eat small dabs of her mother's cooking, and make a face at her like you have a chicken bone stuck sideways in your throat. Comment on how dry the turkey was or how poorly the steak was done. Then proceed to "text" at the table (when you're actually posting on CP!) No way she'll snoop and see what you're doing, right? Then offer to buy wings for everybody at the local sports bar.

Yep, that'll set you free...
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:07 AM   #174
jspchief jspchief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soopamanluva View Post
People are jumping on you for snooping...but remember this chick is lying to your face.....EVERYDAY. and shes seems fairly good at it.
Everyday? That kind of assumes that interactions with his family are everyday occurrences.

And while it's technically lying, it's also good manners for her to not pile on his family to his face. Maybe she's decided that her love for him outweighs her feelings for his family. Maybe venting to a trusted confidant allows her to blow off the steam she needs to spend the holidays with people she doesn't like, but has clearly been polite to.

How many people actually truly like 100% of their in laws? I guess if interaction with his family is a common thing, then this has the potential to be a big problem. But if it means her putting on a false front only a few times a year, what difference does it make that she doesn't like them (or despises them)?
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:18 AM   #175
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If she was truly wrecking your family then you absolutely have to bring it up. It's going to come out eventually anyway. I don't think I could go to Xmas dinner and have my mom bring out a batch of something and mention it might not be her best and realize my fiancee/wife is texting her family crushing my Mom.

The snooping is what it is.. curiosity kills the cat sometimes.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:19 AM   #176
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Run down to the dollar store and buy her a new Christmas gift. Take back the first gift. Exchange presents and then kick her to the curb for no reason. Take her back in late february. Rinse and repeat for as many years as she will allow it.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:19 AM   #177
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.. curiosity kills the cat sometimes.
That's right...the pussy has been ruined!!
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:23 AM   #178
soopamanluva soopamanluva is offline
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Everyday? That kind of assumes that interactions with his family are everyday occurrences.

And while it's technically lying, it's also good manners for her to not pile on his family to his face. Maybe she's decided that her love for him outweighs her feelings for his family. Maybe venting to a trusted confidant allows her to blow off the steam she needs to spend the holidays with people she doesn't like, but has clearly been polite to.

How many people actually truly like 100% of their in laws? I guess if interaction with his family is a common thing, then this has the potential to be a big problem. But if it means her putting on a false front only a few times a year, what difference does it make that she doesn't like them (or despises them)?
I dont see it that way. Everyday she isnt honest with her feelings, shes lying to him. Then what about when kids come? Is she gonna flip a bitch when its time for his family to watch them because she doesnt trust or like them? So many issues can arise from that

And please believe if it was reversed, she'd have no problem calling him out.

And he's a grown man, let him be in charge of whether his feelings are hurt because she doesnt like his fam. She owes it to him to tell him.
And if shes not honest about this, what else is she not honest about?
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:24 AM   #179
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You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front being a woman. Which means she's a skilled liar woman. If she's lying being a woman about this, what else is she lying being a woman about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas Grow a pair of balls; it isn't a big deal. You were the pussy checking her emails because of your security issues. Don't **** up the holiday for your family fiance. Take the high road. for another couple of days.
FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:25 AM   #180
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This is probably not the answer you want, but I'd hold out for a chick who doesn't inspire you to read her text messages. Just the fact that you felt the need to do that is a red flag to me. The fact that you found something tells me you probably had reason to do it whether you realized it or not. Good luck. I know it's a tough call.
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