Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Jim Jones]

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

[unnecessary drama]

is it a question of hiding?

my ex and I never hid anything...but we never even thought of wanting to look at the other's texts. At no point in our relationship did I think, "boy, I really need to see what/who she's texting!"

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Capt Tasty Cheeks

well in Champaign, IL where you can get into campus bars at age 19...I'm lucky I pull off 23 well because when a girl finds out I'm 27 they are like "why in the **** are you here?!?!" It's actually pretty funny and I use it to my advantage.

There is a karaoke night every Wednesday that is guaranteed 'find a girl and take her home' night for me and my roommate and it was never like that when we were 22. Older, wise, richer and the bartenders who are used to getting shitty tips from 20 year olds all night love us (because we tip) so we get more attention from them and we become the life of the bar...it's fantastic.

AND I'M GIVING IT ALL UP =( I think this is the most depressed I've been in my life. I google'd "what to do in Champaign that doesn't involve drinking" this week.

At least I've confirmed to myself I have no dependency on alcohol...I don't miss drinking one bit and it has been two weeks. I just miss the social scene that comes with alcohol that you can't find anywhere else without it.

Ever consider cooking meth?

[unnecessary drama]

Originally Posted by Sorter

[/b]

Ever consider cooking meth?

Drug free brah.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Capt Tasty Cheeks

is it a question of hiding?

my ex and I never hid anything...but we never even thought of wanting to look at the other's texts. At no point in our relationship did I think, "boy, I really need to see what/who she's texting!"

It's not the desire to look....to my spouse I should be an open book. Otherwise you get exactly the situation he has here....and they aren't even married yet.

Why start off a relationship hiding something?

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Capt Tasty Cheeks

Drug free brah.

Didn't say you had to use, manu

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by Capt Tasty Cheeks

well in Champaign, IL where you can get into campus bars at age 19...I'm lucky I pull off 23 well because when a girl finds out I'm 27 they are like "why in the **** are you here?!?!" It's actually pretty funny and I use it to my advantage.

There is a karaoke night every Wednesday that is guaranteed 'find a girl and take her home' night for me and my roommate and it was never like that when we were 22. Older, wise, richer and the bartenders who are used to getting shitty tips from 20 year olds all night love us (because we tip) so we get more attention from them and we become the life of the bar...it's fantastic.

AND I'M GIVING IT ALL UP =( I think this is the most depressed I've been in my life. I google'd "what to do in Champaign that doesn't involve drinking" this week.

At least I've confirmed to myself I have no dependency on alcohol...I don't miss drinking one bit and it has been two weeks. I just miss the social scene that comes with alcohol that you can't find anywhere else without it.

My advice. Move. Move to a town like Austin, where the young girls graduate and do everything in their power to STAY in town because it's not not a giant crapfest like Champaign. PLUS, the bar scene has a much much broader age range. Oh, and prettier girls to boot. There ya go! Problem solved!

(dealing out crappy advice left and right in this thread!)

[unnecessary drama]

hiding an affair is one thing

hiding disdain for a family member? I don't know, I guess it could go both ways.

It's not like the girl in the OP was talking "noise" about the dudes family to some Susie nobody co-worker. He was reading her texts that were going to her own sister.

My sister and I share things about people that are less than flattering that we only say because we're siblings, and we grew up together, and we're close.

I mean, 1 reason he's mad is because his fiance complained about his mother's cooking!

[unnecessary drama]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

My advice. Move. Move to a town like Austin, where the young girls graduate and do everything in their power to STAY in town because it's not not a giant crapfest like Champaign. PLUS, the bar scene has a much much broader age range. Oh, and prettier girls to boot. There ya go! Problem solved!

(dealing out crappy advice left and right in this thread!)

Yeah, I lived in Dallas for a year. I really liked it, but the SMU girls sucked compared to the Champaign girls. Rich girls aren't really my cup of tea I guess.

I just missed my friends and family too much. I moved back. I now have a career that hopefully translates into a promotion and another ticket out of town in a year or so. This time with a reason and job rather than a whim and a desire for sometihng new.

[Reaper16]

Originally Posted by Sorter

[/b]

Ever consider cooking meth?

JESSE, WE'LL COOK IN THE ADULT BARS IN CHAMPAIGN, IL. THEY'RE EMPTY.

[Groves]

This is the perfect dumpster fire to warm my winter-chilled tootsies. You came to the right board for advice.

Don't forget to keep us posted. Our advice gets way better after a few rounds of "tell us what happened next". We're like a learning robot.

[frazod]

Originally Posted by Groves

This is the perfect dumpster fire to warm my winter-chilled tootsies. You came to the right board for advice.

Don't forget to keep us posted. Our advice gets way better after a few rounds of "tell us what happened next". We're like a learning robot.

[unnecessary drama]

Originally Posted by Reaper16

JESSE, WE'LL COOK IN THE ADULT BARS IN CHAMPAIGN, IL. THEY'RE EMPTY.

Nah. They are just full of older, ugly people or hippies. The majority of my friends LOVE these bars as they are grown ups.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Reaper16

JESSE, WE'LL COOK IN THE ADULT BARS IN CHAMPAIGN, IL. THEY'RE EMPTY.

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by Capt Tasty Cheeks

Yeah, I lived in Dallas for a year. I really liked it, but the SMU girls sucked compared to the Champaign girls. Rich girls aren't really my cup of tea I guess.

I just missed my friends and family too much. I moved back. I now have a career that hopefully translates into a promotion and another ticket out of town in a year or so. This time with a reason and job rather than a whim and a desire for sometihng new.

Dallas? ouch. Yeah, Austin obliterates Dallas as a livable city. Dallas girls are mostly a pain in the ass and not worth the effort.. which is saying a lot given that they are far from unattractive.

I understand the family and friends things though, good luck.

[unnecessary drama]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Dallas? ouch. Yeah, Austin obliterates Dallas as a livable city. Dallas girls are mostly a pain in the ass and not worth the effort.. which is saying a lot given that they are far from unattractive.

I understand the family and friends things though, good luck.

I should have known that then...from what I heard, Austin would have been my kind of town.

Maybe if I get promoted I can request Austin.