Home Mail MemberMap Chat (0) Wallpapers
Go Back   ChiefsPlanet > The Ed & Dave Lounge

View Poll Results: Did you seek father's permission/blessing?
Yes, it is a tradition I wanted to keep 42 27.10%
Yes, it is a tradition I knew spouse's family wanted to keep 19 12.26%
No 78 50.32%
I've never proposed 16 10.32%
Voters: 155. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-16-2013, 09:43 AM  
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
Married members: Did you seek permission/blessing?

Just wondering what the practice/custom is.
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:32 AM   #46
mlyonsd mlyonsd is offline
Supporter
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Spink, SD
Casino cash: $6267
What if the father is a chief fan and thinks we should go OT with the first pick and give Castle another shot under a new coach?
Posts: 25,063
mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.mlyonsd is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:32 AM   #47
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
oxymoron
 
keg in kc's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: OP/KC/Whatever
Casino cash: $5777
Pretty sure I didn't.

Wouldn't now, either. Being nearly 40 myself.

Course I haven't dated anybody for 10 years. Not likely to be something I gotta worry about.
Posts: 51,453
keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.keg in kc is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:34 AM   #48
Phobia Phobia is offline
Together is Powerful
 
Phobia's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: KCMO
Casino cash: $5097
I did not. However, my first wife's father was estranged. I was with my current wife for 5 years before we were married so her father essentially told me it was time to marry her so we skipped right past the permission portion.
Posts: 55,728
Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.Phobia is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:36 AM   #49
DonkyPuncher DonkyPuncher is offline
Starter
 
DonkyPuncher's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Saint Joseph, MO
Casino cash: $5000
Most women get married when they are adults, why would an adult have to ask the wife's parent's for permission??

On that note marriage is a dying tradition in itself
Posts: 287
DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.DonkyPuncher is not part of the Right 53.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:36 AM   #50
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by saphojunkie View Post
Of course it's the woman's choice. You're not being progressive, just kind of douchy. If it's really the woman's choice to you, then why are you going to ask? If she wants to get married, she can bloody well ask you.

The truth is, you are sticking with SOME tradition - as in, you're the one asking. You get a ring, too? You think a woman is a raccoon and needs a shiny object to keep her distracted while you circle the tree?

If you don't want to ask the parents, fine. But I would sincerely suggest you get off your high horse and at least talk with them about it first.

Just a way to say, "look, I wanted you to know that I have thought about this, and I am not going into this impulsively or without a plan. I hope you will be happy about it."

You're not giving them a say, but you are showing respect. Just remember, you're going to have to see these people for a long time. You will see them infinitely more than your own family, in my experience.
I'm going to ask her because it's my choice, too. Yes, I'm not abandoning all tradition. I think a ring is a great symbol of the marriage. But I don't see the point in asking the father. We are on good terms. I show respect for them in many ways and respect for his daughter in many ways. He would only say yes, and if he said no, then what? We would still be married and it would be really weird. This courtship has gone on long enough that if he had reservations, they would have been expressed long ago.

I don't anticipate ever telling my daughter that the person she wants to marry should get my permission or blessing first.
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:37 AM   #51
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewChief View Post
I didn't do it, due to the logistics of it all and the place I was at in my personal life and beliefs at the time. Looking back, it's one of the major regrets of my life.
Is that because of how you feel about it, or how your in-laws feel about it?
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:38 AM   #52
okoye35chiefs okoye35chiefs is offline
Starter
 
okoye35chiefs's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Death Valley
Casino cash: $5000
if you have a daughter do you expect your future son in law to ask you?
Posts: 674
okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:40 AM   #53
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonkyPuncher View Post
Most women get married when they are adults, why would an adult have to ask the wife's parent's for permission??

On that note marriage is a dying tradition in itself
That's a good point. The tradition legally stems from the Tort of Seduction. A father could sue in civil court the person who married/took away the daughter, because the daughter (and wife and minor-sons) were basically property.

Now it's morphed into a show of respect, but it doesn't seem that genuinely respectful or necessary to me.
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:41 AM   #54
NewChief NewChief is offline
Greenbacker and Loving Liberal
 
NewChief's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Fayetteville, AR
Casino cash: $5917
Quote:
Originally Posted by Literature View Post
Is that because of how you feel about it, or how your in-laws feel about it?
A little bit of both. At the time, we both liked our parents, but I didn't really see it being any of his business if his daughter wanted to get married or not (I was fresh out of graduate school and full of feminist ideas about such things). I also made the decision somewhat quickly and never saw him in person prior to the time when I wanted to pop the question to my wife.

Much of the regret is because her brothers and mother have since given me shit for not asking his permission, specifically her mother. Since he's now dead, I have some regret that I didn't just ask him, especially because he and I were very close and got even closer after I married his daughter. It just would have been a "nice" thing to have done, I guess.
__________________
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
- H. L. Mencken
Posts: 19,174
NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.NewChief has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:42 AM   #55
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by okoye35chiefs View Post
if you have a daughter do you expect your future son in law to ask you?
I don't have a daughter right now, so my answer is a bit premature, but no, I wouldn't. I would expect my daughter to have the right goals and values in her life to make her own decision that would align with her happiness. And that's what I would be concerned about.
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:47 AM   #56
Bearcat Bearcat is online now
Rock Chalk
 
Bearcat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Kansas City
Casino cash: $6227
Seems like an outdated formality to me... like others have said, it's not the father's call, and what happens if he says no or if they aren't on good terms? I guess if everyone was on good terms and I knew the father fairly well, I might tell her parents and hope they're okay with it, but I don't see how it's disrespectful if someone doesn't ask first. Seeking their blessing at least seems reasonable... asking permission just sounds silly.
__________________
Posts: 27,135
Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Bearcat has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:49 AM   #57
La literatura La literatura is offline
MVP
 
La literatura's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Casino cash: $5000
"I'm seeking your blessing for the marriage. I'm also seeking $10,000. Weddings aren't free, newdad." That's the order of the course.
Posts: 7,171
La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.La literatura is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:49 AM   #58
InChiefsHell InChiefsHell is offline
Rockin' yer FACE OFF!
 
InChiefsHell's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Casino cash: $7737
Quote:
Originally Posted by Literature View Post
I don't have a daughter right now, so my answer is a bit premature, but no, I wouldn't. I would expect my daughter to have the right goals and values in her life to make her own decision that would align with her happiness. And that's what I would be concerned about.
You have a long time to have your mind change. Growing up and having kids will do that to you. Never say never.
__________________

We have a million reasons for failure, but not one excuse...
Die Donks, DIE!!

A quote:
"Oh well, there's always next year. We'll be better then, you'll see..." - Every Chiefs fan for the last 42...crap...43 years...

Quit listening to all that crappy new music and check out HEADSTRONG!
Posts: 12,989
InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.InChiefsHell is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:49 AM   #59
okoye35chiefs okoye35chiefs is offline
Starter
 
okoye35chiefs's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Death Valley
Casino cash: $5000
"Generally it is a nice gesture, assuming your sweetheart is close with her parents and that they are relatively traditional. If they are non-traditional, or you are worried they (or she) might see it as a sexist gesture, simply be careful about the way you phrase it. Rather than asking for their permission, ask for their blessing. Situations where you shouldn't ask include if she is estranged from her parents, if she is an older bride, or if you think her parents will spoil the surprise of your proposal. "

I think we should just club them over the head drag them back to our places and they should be ours again like in the old days...
Posts: 674
okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.okoye35chiefs must have mowed badgirl's lawn.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 10:50 AM   #60
tooge tooge is offline
MVP
 
tooge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Liberty, MO
Casino cash: $5850
I did because it's the respectable thing to do, and the last thing you want when you are going to spend the rest of your life with a woman, is for her father to think you don't respect him. I expect the same when my daughter is proposed to .
Posts: 8,447
tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.tooge has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:30 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.