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Old 02-08-2013, 08:47 PM  
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Funny conversation with Donks fan about nuts

One of my buddies is a Broncos and Texas Rangers fanatic. Today one of his co-workers had his testicles severely injured (and had to have them removed) by a 300 pound metal jaw that fell off a shelf. So naturally, we texted back and forth several jokes about it. I found a lot of them to be extremely hilarious. I'm looking for more because we've run out. Here are some of the ones Donk/Rangers fan buddy said:

1. I bet that wasn't the severance package he was hoping for.
2. He won't have the balls to show his face around that place again.
3. Sometimes it's dangerous working balls to the wall.
4. I guess he'll be bringing his lunch in a pail, because he doesn't have a sack.
5. If they offer him his job back, the ball is in his court.
6. He failed his assembly testes.
7. I guess as far as safety is concerned, he really dropped the ball.
8. I need to be sensitive when he gets back. No need to bust his balls.

Here are some of mine.

1. That's the most hammered twins I've seen since the Olsens went to Mardi Gras.
2. That's the most sliced balls I've seen since Mickelson on the 18th of a major.
3. I haven't seen a berry swell that much since Eric tore his ACL.
4. I haven't seen someone midjudge the location of 2 balls so poorly since Nelson Cruz and Rahim Moore. (perfect since he's a Rangers and Donks fan)
5. If you bring a coin purse to work, expect it to get snagged.
6. I haven't seen a couple split up that bad since Brad and Jennifer.
7. THe last time I saw a ball pulverised by a metal object that hard was a Nadal serve.
8. I bet he won't eat Banana Nut Crunch again.
9. If that guy plays poker with us, point him out to me. I wanna be aware of who won't have a pocket pair or 2 of a kind.


That's all I got so far.
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Old 02-08-2013, 08:49 PM   #2
SNR SNR is offline
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That severance package line is hilarious
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Old 02-08-2013, 08:49 PM   #3
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR View Post
That severance package line is hilarious
I know. ****in gold lol
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Old 02-08-2013, 08:57 PM   #4
seclark seclark is offline
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Couple nice lines you got, but I doubt your buddies coworker is going to be laughing his balls off over them...
Sec
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:00 PM   #5
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Originally Posted by seclark View Post
Couple nice lines you got, but I doubt your buddies coworker is going to be laughing his balls off over them...
Sec
Aaannnddd....I'm gonna use that one lol
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:05 PM   #6
cdcox cdcox is offline
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So many questions...

WTF did they have a 300 lb metal jaw in the first place?
How does a 300 lb metal jaw just fall off a shelf?
How did he manage to get his package hit by a 300 lb falling metal jaw? I can see getting your foot crunched, but how did he manage to get his junk in the way?
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:07 PM   #7
NJChiefsFan NJChiefsFan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdcox View Post
So many questions...

WTF did they have a 300 lb metal jaw in the first place?
How does a 300 lb metal jaw just fall off a shelf?
How did he manage to get his package hit by a 300 lb falling metal jaw? I can see getting your foot crunched, but how did he manage to get his junk in the way?
Some people can't help sitting like a bad ass.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:07 PM   #8
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdcox View Post
So many questions...

WTF did they have a 300 lb metal jaw in the first place?
How does a 300 lb metal jaw just fall off a shelf?
How did he manage to get his package hit by a 300 lb falling metal jaw? I can see getting your foot crunched, but how did he manage to get his junk in the way?
I don't know how it nailed his junk exactly, but I know they were trying to place it on a shelf when it fell. It wasn't like it was already on a shelf and just fell off. They work at some machine place. Not sure what the metal jaw was for or what it was exactly. Poor guy.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:08 PM   #9
cdcox cdcox is offline
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He shouldn't have been jawing off on the job any how.

You shouldn't leave your junk lying around.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:10 PM   #10
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdcox View Post
He shouldn't have been jawing off on the job any how.

You shouldn't leave your junk lying around.
Nice. That's the spirit.

I know from now on, all teabags must be left in the breakroom before work begins.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:11 PM   #11
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When I was in high school a kid lost one of his buddies by getting it snagged on a picnic table. Was riding his bike, flipped it, and caught the corner of the table. One just got torn out. Whoops.

On top of that the kid looked like Bevis from Bevis and Butthead. We called him Bevis.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:11 PM   #12
lcarus lcarus is offline
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I couldn't help but love " I haven't seen someone midjudge the location of 2 balls so poorly since Nelson Cruz and Rahim Moore." It was so great considering what happened to his 2 favorite teams in the playoffs.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:18 PM   #13
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It takes a lot of balls to even tell a story like that one.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:19 PM   #14
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Sounds like he really got the shaft at that work place.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:20 PM   #15
lcarus lcarus is offline
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I haven't seen a berry beaten that badly since Eric covered Antonio Gates.
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