You know anything about divorce?...advice please

[Soupnazi]

Well folks, it's been a rough couple of weeks for my family. After my mother in law nearly died during routine surgery, and my mentor (and good friend of the family) at work lost his 4 yr old son, now I find out that my brother's marriage will end in divorce.

The reason I post this is that my family has zero experience with divorce stuff, and maybe you guys/gals can help with some info. He's 22, she's 21, they've got a 13 month old son together. They've been married for about 1 year and 3 months.

My entire family knew this girl was going to be no good, and it didn't take long to come to pass, but she's left him 'cause she's "not happy." Now she's screwing around with some ex boyfriend of hers, moved back in with her parents, yada yada.

Brother works as a car mechanic, and doesn't make a ton of money, but is able to support the two of them, the baby, and make the payments on the house they just bought. She has no job, and apparently staying home all day with her baby, and not cleaning a thing is just too much stress for her to handle. Anyway, what's the move here?

I've instructed him to move his money, but what can he expect as far as how the courts are going to treat him on custody, alimony, the house, child support, all that? I've heard that you've got the upper hand if you file first, but I don't know for sure.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

[chiefs4me]

Adultry doesn't matter anymore,,I went thru this with my sister,,the only chance in hell he has is to try and get her to agree on stuff,,,,,like child support, the splitting of personal items, sharing custody of the child. If he tries to tell her how it's gonna be,,,,,he might as well surrender his balls now. Good Luck to him and his child.

[hellhead]

Originally Posted by Soupnazi

The reason I post this is that my family has zero experience with divorce stuff, and maybe you guys/gals can help with some info. He's 22, she's 21, they've got a 13 month old son together. They've been married for about 1 year and 3 months.

My entire family knew this girl was going to be no good, and it didn't take long to come to pass, but she's left him 'cause she's "not happy." Now she's screwing around with some ex boyfriend of hers, moved back in with her parents, yada yada.


Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

Get a good lawyer, and make it known she was a slut. And she didn't work and didn't do house work. Cheated all the time blah blah blah, and if all else fails... choose a pretty big load, 00 Buck is a good one, I would steer clear of Dove & Quaill

[Mojo Rising]

Originally Posted by hellhead

Get a good lawyer, and make it known she was a slut. And she didn't work and didn't do house work. Cheated all the time blah blah blah, and if all else fails... choose a pretty big load, 00 Buck is a good one, I would steer clear of Dove & Quaill

My co-worker is now paying for his and her lawyer. Doesn't even know what her fees are. If it is possible, they would be much better working it out on their own.

I don't know the details but I doubt he is on the line for alimony. That leaves 2 things to work out. 1. Custody 2. Child Support

Plus, he is going to have to be involved with this woman for the rest of his childs life. Sooner or later it would be better if they start to agree on things.

[Scanfan55]

Where are you located? I am a divorce attorney.

Tracy

[Iowanian]

"...and I'll be happy to spend hours and hours, and thousands of your dollars, so that you end up paying Alimony and child support, and Owe me $20K"

Anyone Get rearended in this past snow storm?

[chiefs4me]

Originally Posted by Scanfan64

Where are you located? I am a divorce attorney.

Tracy

He's in Mo,,where are you at?

[Mojo Rising]

Originally Posted by Scanfan64

Where are you located? I am a divorce attorney.

Tracy

Cool. Someone who deals with this on a daily basis. What would be the advantages and dis-advantages of working with a mediator?

[Scanfan55]

I'm in NH. But I can recommend someone in Missouri, possibly.

I will say that attorneys fees are a function of the bullshitting back and forth. If spouse #1 wants to whine and bitch about everything, then both parties will pay high attorneys fees. Sometimes mediation works.

I am NOT a Missouri attorney, but, in NH, one year of marriage isn't long enough to warrant alimony, generally. NH Child Support is statutory and based on the income of both parties and is like a chart (discretion is minimal, unless special circumstances warrant it). Alimony is based on need, ability to pay, and contributions to the marriage.

Any questions, have him contact me - PI me.

[Scanfan55]

Originally Posted by Mojo Rising

Cool. Someone who deals with this on a daily basis. What would be the advantages and dis-advantages of working with a mediator?

It depends on the mediator.

You never want the guy/gal in the black robe making a decision about the rest of your life (like when to see your children), so mediation is positive in that both parties come to the table to discuss things with the help of an impartial person. Nothing in a mediation session can be used in Court. And, mediation aggreements can be written and signed off on that day (as opposed to a trial and waiting for a decision).

The disadvantage is the sometimes skanky lawyers use mediation as a stalling technique. Mediation occurs, nothing gets resolved, and the parties go to trial anyway. You incur the fees of your lawyer as well as a mediator. It is also a painful process - people say a lot they haven't said, like why they are really angry, and that has to be worked through. However, I have seen unworkable relationships change for the better so that the parties can now communicate.

There is more, but that's what I can think of for now.

[Soupnazi]

Originally Posted by Scanfan64

I'm in NH. But I can recommend someone in Missouri, possibly.

I will say that attorneys fees are a function of the bullshitting back and forth. If spouse #1 wants to whine and bitch about everything, then both parties will pay high attorneys fees. Sometimes mediation works.

I am NOT a Missouri attorney, but, in NH, one year of marriage isn't long enough to warrant alimony, generally. NH Child Support is statutory and based on the income of both parties and is like a chart (discretion is minimal, unless special circumstances warrant it). Alimony is based on need, ability to pay, and contributions to the marriage.

Any questions, have him contact me - PI me.

Actually, Scanfan64, that helps a ton. That's more along the lines of what I was wanting to know. I'll keep that in mind and may take you up on that in the future. It's all my brother's call right now, but I just want to make sure I'm not guiding him in the wrong direction.

The guy's going to be destroyed if he doesn't get to see his kid.

[Scanfan55]

Glad to help. Feel free to contact me.

[Mojo Rising]

Originally Posted by Scanfan64

It depends on the mediator.

You never want the guy/gal in the black robe making a decision about the rest of your life (like when to see your children), so mediation is positive in that both parties come to the table to discuss things with the help of an impartial person. Nothing in a mediation session can be used in Court. And, mediation aggreements can be written and signed off on that day (as opposed to a trial and waiting for a decision).

The disadvantage is the sometimes skanky lawyers use mediation as a stalling technique. Mediation occurs, nothing gets resolved, and the parties go to trial anyway. You incur the fees of your lawyer as well as a mediator. It is also a painful process - people say a lot they haven't said, like why they are really angry, and that has to be worked through. However, I have seen unworkable relationships change for the better so that the parties can now communicate.

There is more, but that's what I can think of for now.

That makes sense. I was lucky in that I didn't have kids and was so young that we didn't have any assets. No matter how you do it sucks.

It did keep me free to meet my current (and final) wife. We are expecting our first baby in April. She had a very similar experience to me prior to our marriage.

[Scanfan55]

Congratulations! Jealous! Wish I could say I was anywhere close to such bliss. Eventually, right? Anyhoo, Merry Christmas!

[Skip Towne]

Originally Posted by Soupnazi

Actually, Scanfan64, that helps a ton. That's more along the lines of what I was wanting to know. I'll keep that in mind and may take you up on that in the future. It's all my brother's call right now, but I just want to make sure I'm not guiding him in the wrong direction.

The guy's going to be destroyed if he doesn't get to see his kid.

Be careful, Nazi, Scanfan64 is a WOMAN!!! Never trust a woman or a lawyer. She is BOTH!!

[Scanfan55]

Oh Skippy. You are so bad.