This years Darwin Awards - Page 2

**TinyEvel** · 01-18-2007, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrickyNicky

I'm surprised the lady who died from the water-drinking contest didn't make the list.

Actually she's probably atop the leader board for '07

listopencil · 01-18-2007, 04:43 PM

"4. The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices: 1) His target was H&J Leather & Firearms - a gun shop specializing in handguns; 2) The shop was full of customers (firearms customers); a 9mm GLOCK 17, and the clerk, with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, promptly returned fire, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire."

Now that's funny!

**Dave Lane** · 01-18-2007, 04:46 PM

(August 2006, Libreville, Gabon) In August, a congregation's 35-year old pastor insisted one could literally walk on water, if one only had enough faith. Big and bold was his speech. He extolled the heavenly power possessed by a faithful man with such force that he may well have convinced himself. Whether or not he believed in his heart, his sermons left room for only shame should he leave his own faith untested. Thus, the pastor set out to walk across a major estuary, the path of a 20-minute ferry ride. But the man could not swim.
Lacking the miraculous powers of David Copperfield, let alone holy Jesus Christ, this ill-fated cleric found only a Darwin Award at the end of his final path.

(A related Personal Account from Palorca, Portugal: "I met an elder villager who once tried to walk on water. He strapped small floaters to his feet. He floated, all right, but upside down, with his head submersed. He was rescued by the spectators."

**Dave Lane** · 01-18-2007, 04:47 PM

(17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed.

However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette."

Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel.

The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care.

Using the Darwin checklist:

1.Reproduction -- if he has children, he's not having more.
2.Excellence -- this one I'll remember!
3.Self-Selection -- he was warned paraffin & flames don't mix.
4.Maturity -- At 60 I guess he was old enough.
5.Veracity -- Major UK news carriers covered the story.

This ticks all the boxes, and though I feel sorry for the family, his death acts as a warning to others. If a doctor tells you not to smoke, there's a very good reason.

**Dave Lane** · 01-18-2007, 04:48 PM

Hammer of Doom
2006 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.
14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!

5 Submissions

(2006, Vietnam) In a similar event, a Rolling Stone isn't all that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched on a hill, and decided to retrieve it with help from Sir Isaac Newton. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside according to the laws of gravity, the bomb detonated, leaving a four-meter crater and sending the three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their Maker.

Halfcan · 01-18-2007, 06:41 PM

died by elephant shit-thats a new one

Halfcan · 01-18-2007, 06:41 PM

died by elephant shit-thats a new one

Halfcan · 01-18-2007, 06:42 PM

died by elephant shit-thats a new one

C-Mac · 01-19-2007, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Halfcan

died by elephant shit-thats a new one

.

**CosmicPal** · 01-18-2007, 10:48 PM

Quote:

5. This one an annual qualifying event: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Uhhh, not asute on legalities or anything, but wouldn't his "friends" be accessories to murder? They after all encouraged their dumbazz friend to shoot himself? Betting should be construed as encouragement.

RJ · 01-19-2007, 08:07 PM

[QUOTE=BigRedChief]

2. RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA. Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men, apparently still drinking, trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge where Bingham had volunteered to jump, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham pointed out a coil of lineman's cable that laid nearby. One end of the cable was secured around his leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night, there's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was not located.

/QUOTE]

His quote at the end is classic. I'll be laughing at that for a while.

crazycoffey · 01-29-2007, 11:17 AM

Heres a new candidate; catching a free ride to the award ceremony.

Stowaway's body found in 747 wheel well at LAX

POSTED: 8:27 a.m. EST, January 29, 2007 POSTED: 8:27 a.m. EST, January 29, 2007

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- The body of a male stowaway was found Sunday in the wheel well of a British Airways jet at Los Angeles International Airport, officials said.
A pilot discovered the body of the young man in the front right wheel well of the 747-400 during a routine inspection shortly before it was to return to London, airport spokeswoman Nancy Castles said.
The FBI determined the stowaway likely died in the wheel well, Castles said. Autopsy results won't be available until later this week. Authorities had not identified the victim late Sunday.

01-18-2007, 04:43 PM	#2
listopencil Immanentize The Eschaton Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In Partibus Infidelium Casino cash: $-864120	"4. The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices: 1) His target was H&J Leather & Firearms - a gun shop specializing in handguns; 2) The shop was full of customers (firearms customers); a 9mm GLOCK 17, and the clerk, with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, promptly returned fire, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire." Now that's funny!
Posts: 56,802

01-18-2007, 04:46 PM	#3
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	(August 2006, Libreville, Gabon) In August, a congregation's 35-year old pastor insisted one could literally walk on water, if one only had enough faith. Big and bold was his speech. He extolled the heavenly power possessed by a faithful man with such force that he may well have convinced himself. Whether or not he believed in his heart, his sermons left room for only shame should he leave his own faith untested. Thus, the pastor set out to walk across a major estuary, the path of a 20-minute ferry ride. But the man could not swim. Lacking the miraculous powers of David Copperfield, let alone holy Jesus Christ, this ill-fated cleric found only a Darwin Award at the end of his final path. (A related Personal Account from Palorca, Portugal: "I met an elder villager who once tried to walk on water. He strapped small floaters to his feet. He floated, all right, but upside down, with his head submersed. He was rescued by the spectators." __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

01-18-2007, 04:47 PM	#4
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	(17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed. However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette." Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel. The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care. Using the Darwin checklist: 1.Reproduction -- if he has children, he's not having more. 2.Excellence -- this one I'll remember! 3.Self-Selection -- he was warned paraffin & flames don't mix. 4.Maturity -- At 60 I guess he was old enough. 5.Veracity -- Major UK news carriers covered the story. This ticks all the boxes, and though I feel sorry for the family, his death acts as a warning to others. If a doctor tells you not to smoke, there's a very good reason. __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

01-18-2007, 04:48 PM	#5
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	Hammer of Doom 2006 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place. 14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now! 5 Submissions (2006, Vietnam) In a similar event, a Rolling Stone isn't all that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched on a hill, and decided to retrieve it with help from Sir Isaac Newton. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside according to the laws of gravity, the bomb detonated, leaving a four-meter crater and sending the three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their Maker. __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

01-18-2007, 06:41 PM	#6
Halfcan In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $7327995	died by elephant shit-thats a new one
Posts: 43,200

01-18-2007, 06:42 PM	#8
Halfcan In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $7327995	died by elephant shit-thats a new one
Posts: 43,200

01-19-2007, 08:07 PM	#11
RJ Supporter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a shotgun shack Casino cash: $9895202	[QUOTE=BigRedChief] 2. RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA. Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men, apparently still drinking, trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge where Bingham had volunteered to jump, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham pointed out a coil of lineman's cable that laid nearby. One end of the cable was secured around his leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night, there's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was not located. /QUOTE] His quote at the end is classic. I'll be laughing at that for a while.
Posts: 14,937

01-29-2007, 11:17 AM	#12
crazycoffey .......... Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $4157901	Heres a new candidate; catching a free ride to the award ceremony. Stowaway's body found in 747 wheel well at LAX POSTED: 8:27 a.m. EST, January 29, 2007 POSTED: 8:27 a.m. EST, January 29, 2007 LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- The body of a male stowaway was found Sunday in the wheel well of a British Airways jet at Los Angeles International Airport, officials said. A pilot discovered the body of the young man in the front right wheel well of the 747-400 during a routine inspection shortly before it was to return to London, airport spokeswoman Nancy Castles said. The FBI determined the stowaway likely died in the wheel well, Castles said. Autopsy results won't be available until later this week. Authorities had not identified the victim late Sunday.
Posts: 28,392