Jared Allen: Thank God For This White Skin! - Page 2

Hammock Parties · 10:21 PM

http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/...hite-skin.html

Let me just start off by saying that I hate racism. Seriously. I don’t care for it at all. I grew up learning about Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass, and lots of other pioneers for civil rights. I admire their work, and I do my best to live my life without judging people based on their race, religion or anything else like that. I’m not perfect, but I try my best, and I think making a constant effort is a small victory in and of itself.

But ever since I was suspended for two games for my double DUI convictions, I do have to say that, while racism really sucks, being white sure comes in handy when you need it. And to that I say, thank god for this white skin!

I can’t tell you how many times having white skin has saved my ass. Sure, I was convicted for DUI twice. But those were just the times I was arrested! I’ve been caught dozens of times. Often with a hooker! Mostly, the cop pulls me over, checks my license, then gives me a playful punch on the shoulder, saying, “You dog, you! Don’t you know we got a game tomorrow?! You go home and get yourself a good night’s sleep, and GO CHIEFS!” I always figured they let it slide because I play football. But then the same thing has happened, like, thirty times to my buddy Roscoe. And he can’t play football worth a shit. But he’s whiter than a stack of Hammermill copier paper. So it’s gotta be the skin. Whew!

And my white skin has uses outside of the legal system. Like the other day, I went to buy a soda, but was 50 cents short. So I went outside and asked a couple passersby for some spare change. None of them batted a ****ing eyelash! Some guy handed me a crisp twenty, smiled, and just said, “Pay it forward, buddy.” I mean, holy shit! Can you believe that? That Eddie Murphy skit wasn’t lying at all! That shit actually happens!

Wow!

Sometimes I feel bad that this white skin has proven so effective in helping he wriggle out of jams. But what am I supposed to do, ask to be thrown in jail? Look, I’m only human. I’m allowed a certain amount of self-preservation. Having white skin accords you certain privileges. I’d be an idiot not to take advantage of them. Just last week, some real estate guy offered me a job after I retire. I don’t know anything about real estate. Shit, I went to Idaho State. Sometimes I spell my name with two r’s by accident. But I can white out any spelling errors with my trusty white skin. It’s amazing.

I feel bad that Pacman Jones was suspended without actually having been convicted of anything. And I feel bad that Michael Vick has already been convicted in the court of public opinion. But what good does it do if I go up to the commish and say, “Hey Rog, how about suspending me for 8 games instead of 2?” Not only would it solve nothing, it’s just dumb. Punishing me more isn't gonna make black player stereotypes any better now, is it? So why suffer needlessly when other people will just keep suffering needlessly? Way better to keep a low profile and let that shitstorm pass right on over.

I guess the league has to act whenever the actions of a player threaten to tarnish the league’s image. And it’s way worse to the league’s image when a black dude is the perpetrator. Is that fair? Hell no. But you won’t see me complaining. I’m just glad those crazy PETA assholes haven’t camped out in front of my house. After all, I do enjoy hunting on occasion. I don’t want them spray painting any of my shit. That’s stuff is hard to get off, and I hate the smell of turpenoid.

And it’s not like the league has control over all the racism out there. They’re in the business of pleasing customers. And if customers want Pacman Jones ****ed sideways, what choice is there? That’s just smart business. Either way, I’m glad it’s not my problem to deal with! Some people have even pointed out the hypocrisy of the situation, yet still nothing has happened! That just shows you the power of my blinding whiteness!

I hate racism, but thank God for this white skin!

(kisses skin)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get ass shitfaced and drive down an embankment going 90.

**jAZ** · 08-18-2007, 10:25 PM

You know you suck ass when you unite Kotter and I on the same side of an issue.

At least I didn't finish reading that whole dumbass post.

What a tool.

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logical

Really, so is it also obvious that a KKK jackass would not put a burning cross in a front yard.

Maybe he wouldn't. What kind of racist ass are you to be judging people?

HolmeZz · 08-18-2007, 10:26 PM

It's a joke/parody blog, as was pointed out earlier.

I prefer The Dugout though.

**jAZ** · 08-18-2007, 10:28 PM

The pardoy sucks.

Deberg_1990 · 08-18-2007, 10:29 PM

Dumb and offensive at the same time.

Logical · 08-18-2007, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

Maybe he wouldn't. What kind of racist ass are you to be judging people?

I guess I am the kind of racist ass that does not see blatant racism as funny or humorous, but instead see it as potentially libelous.

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logical

I guess I am the kind of racist ass that does not see blatant racism as funny or humorous, but instead see it as potentially libelous.

Well I think your using words out of my knowledge just to **** with me and I find it racist as well.

Hammock Parties · 08-18-2007, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logical

I guess I am the kind of racist ass that does not see blatant racism as funny or humorous, but instead see it as potentially libelous.

Message board. Blog. No one cares.

milkman · 08-18-2007, 10:32 PM

OK, so it's a joke.

Are all their jokes this stupid?

Logical · 08-18-2007, 10:33 PM

Clayton, I congratulate you for at least trying to fix your error. Too bad it is too late to actually fix the thread title.

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman

OK, so it's a joke.

Are all their jokes this stupid?

It depends if your a mexican milk man, if so then the answer is hell no.

Logical · 08-18-2007, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

Well I think your using words out of my knowledge just to **** with me and I find it racist as well.

If you need help, dictionaries are inexpensive.

Hammock Parties · 08-18-2007, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logical

Too bad it is too late to actually fix the thread title.

We can only hope for the best now. Put your faith in God and we will come out of this OK.

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logical

If you need help, dictionaries are inexpensive.

It'd be used as toilet paper around here, but thanks for the tip.

HolmeZz · 08-18-2007, 10:47 PM

Clayton's definitely a cockgobbler, but this isn't something people should get on him for.

08-18-2007, 09:15 PM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $850478	**PARODY PARODY NOT REAL Jared Allen: Thank God For This White Skin! http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/...hite-skin.html Let me just start off by saying that I hate racism. Seriously. I don’t care for it at all. I grew up learning about Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass, and lots of other pioneers for civil rights. I admire their work, and I do my best to live my life without judging people based on their race, religion or anything else like that. I’m not perfect, but I try my best, and I think making a constant effort is a small victory in and of itself. But ever since I was suspended for two games for my double DUI convictions, I do have to say that, while racism really sucks, being white sure comes in handy when you need it. And to that I say, thank god for this white skin! I can’t tell you how many times having white skin has saved my ass. Sure, I was convicted for DUI twice. But those were just the times I was arrested! I’ve been caught dozens of times. Often with a hooker! Mostly, the cop pulls me over, checks my license, then gives me a playful punch on the shoulder, saying, “You dog, you! Don’t you know we got a game tomorrow?! You go home and get yourself a good night’s sleep, and GO CHIEFS!” I always figured they let it slide because I play football. But then the same thing has happened, like, thirty times to my buddy Roscoe. And he can’t play football worth a shit. But he’s whiter than a stack of Hammermill copier paper. So it’s gotta be the skin. Whew! And my white skin has uses outside of the legal system. Like the other day, I went to buy a soda, but was 50 cents short. So I went outside and asked a couple passersby for some spare change. None of them batted a ing eyelash! Some guy handed me a crisp twenty, smiled, and just said, “Pay it forward, buddy.” I mean, holy shit! Can you believe that? That Eddie Murphy skit wasn’t lying at all! That shit actually happens! Wow! Sometimes I feel bad that this white skin has proven so effective in helping he wriggle out of jams. But what am I supposed to do, ask to be thrown in jail? Look, I’m only human. I’m allowed a certain amount of self-preservation. Having white skin accords you certain privileges. I’d be an idiot not to take advantage of them. Just last week, some real estate guy offered me a job after I retire. I don’t know anything about real estate. Shit, I went to Idaho State. Sometimes I spell my name with two r’s by accident. But I can white out any spelling errors with my trusty white skin. It’s amazing. I feel bad that Pacman Jones was suspended without actually having been convicted of anything. And I feel bad that Michael Vick has already been convicted in the court of public opinion. But what good does it do if I go up to the commish and say, “Hey Rog, how about suspending me for 8 games instead of 2?” Not only would it solve nothing, it’s just dumb. Punishing me more isn't gonna make black player stereotypes any better now, is it? So why suffer needlessly when other people will just keep suffering needlessly? Way better to keep a low profile and let that shitstorm pass right on over. I guess the league has to act whenever the actions of a player threaten to tarnish the league’s image. And it’s way worse to the league’s image when a black dude is the perpetrator. Is that fair? Hell no. But you won’t see me complaining. I’m just glad those crazy PETA assholes haven’t camped out in front of my house. After all, I do enjoy hunting on occasion. I don’t want them spray painting any of my shit. That’s stuff is hard to get off, and I hate the smell of turpenoid. And it’s not like the league has control over all the racism out there. They’re in the business of pleasing customers. And if customers want Pacman Jones *ed sideways, what choice is there? That’s just smart business. Either way, I’m glad it’s not my problem to deal with! Some people have even pointed out the hypocrisy of the situation, yet still nothing has happened! That just shows you the power of my blinding whiteness! I hate racism, but thank God for this white skin! (kisses skin) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get ass shitfaced and drive down an embankment going 90. Last edited by Hammock Parties; 08-18-2007 at 10:21 PM..*
Posts: 297,259

08-18-2007, 10:25 PM	#16
jAZ Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Tucson, AZ Casino cash: $9817493	You know you suck ass when you unite Kotter and I on the same side of an issue. At least I didn't finish reading that whole dumbass post. What a tool.
Posts: 24,800

08-18-2007, 10:26 PM	#18
HolmeZz i guess its bittersweet poetry Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: NeW HaVeN, CT Casino cash: $10004900	It's a joke/parody blog, as was pointed out earlier. I prefer The Dugout though.
Posts: 16,520

08-18-2007, 10:28 PM	#19
jAZ Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Tucson, AZ Casino cash: $9817493	The pardoy sucks.
Posts: 24,800

08-18-2007, 10:29 PM	#20
Deberg_1990 In Search of a Life Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: San Antonio Tx. Casino cash: $154454	Dumb and offensive at the same time. __________________ Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning: Matt once made a very nice play in Seattle where he spun away from a pass rusher and hit Bowe off his back foot for a first down. One of the best plays Matt has ever made.
Posts: 68,625

08-18-2007, 10:32 PM	#24
milkman Dumbass! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Leading the Marty bashing Casino cash: $10029395	OK, so it's a joke. Are all their jokes this stupid? __________________
Posts: 70,769

08-18-2007, 10:33 PM	#25
Logical Screw U if U can't take a joke Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	Clayton, I congratulate you for at least trying to fix your error. Too bad it is too late to actually fix the thread title.
Posts: 31,579

08-18-2007, 10:47 PM	#30
HolmeZz i guess its bittersweet poetry Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: NeW HaVeN, CT Casino cash: $10004900	Clayton's definitely a cockgobbler, but this isn't something people should get on him for.
Posts: 16,520