Chris Kluwe: "[Homosexuals] won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster"

[Fire Me Boy!]

http://deadspin.com/5941348/they-won...-supporting-it

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's response to Burns.

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mind****ing obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy ****ing shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth cluster**** you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.

Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe

P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

[Zebedee DuBois]

Standing Ovation for the person promoting equal rights for all citizens.

[Fire Me Boy!]

"Slide whistle to e-flat" should be immediately accepted into the American lexicon. RIGHT. NOW.

[lewdog]

He is more articulate than most of our political figureheads. Always have like this guy.

Trade him for Cassel straight up?

[Stewie]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

"Slide whistle to e-flat" should be immediately accepted into the American lexicon. RIGHT. NOW.

I'll admit I have no clue what that means. Of course, I'm old.

[DaFace]

Originally Posted by Dartgod

Any chance we could get him to register and post here?

Heh...I doubt it, but you never know. I sent him a message on reddit to ask just to try.

[ThaVirus]

I low this guy.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail

I'm sold.

If true I'm a huge fan.

Not because of his argument, not because he's taken the time to write something that not only makes sense but is also is readable, not because of his politics, (all these things do impress me) but instead due to an NFL player taking the time to do the right thing the right way.

You want your voice heard?

Write your congressman.

Then get people behind you and have them write.

Then post it on facebook and have 2,000,000 strangers write in.

They represent us. That's their job - be our voice.

When they stop doing so flush them...

[Canofbier]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

"Slide whistle to e-flat" should be immediately accepted into the American lexicon. RIGHT. NOW.

Hell yeah, I practically choked on my lunch when I read that.

[NJChiefsFan]

This is amazing.

[keg in kc]

Holy shit, hilarious and awesome.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

I low this guy.

*like

Gay ass phone.

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

I low this guy.

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

*like

Gay ass phone.

so you AND YOUR phone are teh lustful cockmonsters?

[Baby Lee]

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Standing Ovation for the person promoting equal rights for all citizens.

It's this level of hyperbole that provokes me to respond. This isn't equal rights for every citizen. It's some rights enjoyed by a portion of citizens being extended to a few more. Don't see marriage rights for polygamists or green card marriages or good platonic friends. It's an ad hoc adjustment, not a generalized extension of rights to all.

I don't like him. He seems like a disrespectful jerk. I'll bet he's trampling my lawn right now.

[BryanBusby]

Don't like it. He's taken something that's a pretty big deal and used it as an opportunity to write a ridiculous letter filled with "edgy" phrases.