prayer request: for my children

[Loki]

i have been contemplating wether or not to do this for quite some time and am still not too keen on spilling my guts out on this BB despite the fact that i feel there is a good sense of "community" here. i'm not an overly religious person and somewhat question the power of prayer, but if ever i needed support through prayer, now is that time. i have two beautiful children (daughter age 7, son age 5) and they really need your help/thoughts/prayers.

if any of you have been wondering where i have been or what i've been doing for the past couple months, here's the scoop... please bear with me as this is a LONG story.

for the last 2 years, i have been battling my ex-wife for custody of my children. it has been an ugly UGLY fight both in terms of emotional (and financial) stress.
my ex (from now on will be addressed as "asshole" for storytelling purposes) is a drug (coccaine, weed, pills, etc) abuser, physical abuser, and an emotional abuser. she lives with and associates with an ex-convict and his juvenile delinquent son. these two people also abuse my children when they are around them.

examples of abuse you ask? honestly there are too many to list but i will give you a small sample. (i could seriously write a bible sized book about this.) not feeding the kids, not bathing the kids, not taking them to the doctor's when they are sick or injured, locking them out of the house in rain/snow/cold/night (in t-shirts and shorts) so they could do their drugs, hitting/kicking/beating the kids (i have pictures of bruises), stealing the kid's college funds for drug money, shooting the kids with bb guns, doing drugs in front of the kids, locking the kids in rooms unsupervised with porn movies in the dvd players, yelling/screaming at the kids, telling the kids they wished they were never born, making the kids drink beer, forcing the kids to be physically abusive to each other, threatening the kids, physically abusing the kid's pet dog in front of them to intimidate the kids (ie: i'm going to do this to YOU if you don't...) throwing out the kids birthday/x-mas presents that come from my house/family in front of them (usually after smashing them to bits), smoking (whatever) in front of them and then blowing it in their faces...
*sigh* the list goes on... i'm sure you get the idea, so back to the story.

prior to jan 1st of this year, my children were in asshole's physical custody and were subjected to all sorts of inappropriate or abusive behaviors (as noted above). i was only allowed to see them on weekends. after jan 1st, my children moved in with me and things drastically changed for them (obviously for the better)
within 3 weeks of them living with me, all their teachers (from the private school i had them enrolled in) approached me and said they noticed a complete and positive change in the children's behavior, appearance, and academics. unbeknownst to me, asshole had approached the school and made up all sorts of BS lies and stories about me and none of the teachers would approach or speak with me (for the most part). luckily my son's teachers were some pretty sharp individuals (thanks so much for believing in me mrs. m and mrs. e !!) and pulled me aside prior to the children moving in with me and asked me about the situation. (apparently they had tried contacting asshole since the beginning of the year about my son's aggressive and inappropriate behaviors in class. they insisted that he get some type of counseling but were getting nowhere with asshole so turned to me.) i explained to them that i had been trying to get counseling for my children since the divorce, but was unable to get asshole to sign consent forms because she didn't want the children to talk about her, convict boyfriend, gangster son, or what was going on @ her house. this news disgusted them, so they told me some of the things that asshole had said about me and told me that they would try and help me get some counseling. a couple weeks later (after more unsuccessful attempts to get any response from asshole) i had an official school document DEMANDING counseling for my son and several teachers giving me full support to start some type of action. (they also contacted DSS on my children's behalf due to some of the things my children were telling their teachers at school).

so, with support from the school, and DSS investigating asshole (finally) i decided to make my move and slam this b!tch. i contacted my attorney (who knew i was going to go for custody when i had some ammo), got the kids in with the counselor (i had been trying to get them in with for the last 2 yrs), and served asshole with my intent to sue for full custody.
from there all hell broke loose.

we have been to court at least 6 times in the last 4 months. been subjected to hardcore investigations by the courts and DSS, subjected to drug testing (i have passed all of them because i am CLEAN, while she has failed them... she came out 30 times (16000ng) over the limit (500ng) for coccaine) subjected to countless questioning (the same friggin questions over and over *groan*) by countless court agents (who never seem to pass prior investigation information along) and paid out so much money i've had to sell things and take out loans just to keep up. and this is far from over...

just before our last court appearance (about 3 weeks ago) asshole took my daughter and threw her against a wall and subsequently put her in the hospital. she is out of the hospital now and doing much better. she won't suffer any permanent neurological damage according to the doctors, but didn't have any "marks" on her so the hospital couldn't prove (without reasonable doubt) that asshole did it to her. both my kids vehemently maintain that asshole did do this, but we have no hard proof.

un-fucking-believeable.

currently, i have been granted full physical and legal custody of my children. however, for some strange reason, asshole has been granted visitation rights (every other weekend) and "interim dinner visits" where she can take the kids every wednesday night for 3 hours. thankfully, my daughter (currently) doesn't have to go with asshole, but my son does. (so what fucking GOOD does it mean for me to have full custody if she has any contact with them??!!! someone please enlighten me on that one... i'm baffled...)
at the very least has this change in custody brought about any positive changes? you bet! my kids are now in a new school, love it and are doing GREAT , they have new friends that they get to play with (their mother never let them go visit friends or have friends over because of the drugs... she even used to transport the drugs in their school backpacks... WTF??!!), they now have sleep overs, playdates, birthday parties (where no one smashes their gifts and/or throws them out), they have been begging to play sports and are now enrolled in and playing sports, get to see their counselor/therapist (whom they really dig...) on a weekly basis, and best of all, they are smiling and laughing again... it has been a long time since i've seen something so simple as a smile on their faces (how friggin sad THAT sh*t was... for a LONG time). it is truly a beautiful thing.

it is my firm opinion that asshole should have no contact with my children whatsoever, but apparently the extremely liberal court system in my state doesn't agree with my assessments. (fuck!!) my attorney, on the other hand, is very pleased with current orders as this state is EXTREMELY biased towards women/mothers and fathers usually (99.9% of the time) get totally SHAFTED. at this point i feel i can attest to that.
now asshole has shifted her tactics and is fucking with me with the only group of people who will still listen to her bullsh*t: DSS. she can't beat me in court so she's getting these dumb b4stards to fuck up our world. how is she getting them to listen to her? well, she tells them that i force my kids to watch porn, that i'm a porn addict and that i wank my hogan in front of my kids... she has also threatened my children to lie for her to support her claims. (nice) all her other claims (about me) to DSS have been thrown out as ridiculous, but this time she got their attention. i am now being investigated by these DSS dumbasses for 45 days. fuck!!!

despite the fact that i have a lot of good people backing and supporting me (teachers, lawyers, counselors/therapists, doctors, neighbors, family members, etc..) and that my entire case is based in truth and fact and hers is based on lies and pure bullsh*t, we are going into court yet again for another "pre-trial" hearing this coming thursday the 28th of sept 2006. when will this end??!!

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

[trndobrd]

As GoBo suggested, you've already crossed the biggest hurdle. You got custody. It sounds like this recent deal was her first counter attack. Once the investigation is done, and the DDS people figure out that she was full of it, they are going to be much less inclined to listen to her story next time.

Out of curisosity, since you have custody, has she been ordered to pay child support? She should. She is less likely to get frisky if she owes you money.

Funny story....

Good friend of mine was in a similar situation, fought for 5 years to get custody from your ex's twin. Finally got it. During the custody hearing, she made up stories of how she had a great job and the like. His attorney pressed the issue and got a child support order based on all the money she claimed to be making. About a year later, she made some outlandish claims about my friend and filed a motion for change of custody. They go to the courthouse and the judge says "Ms. Smith, hmmm? Sounds familiar. Just a second." Turns out, a few weeks earlier the judge had signed an arrest warrant for the Ex's failure to pay child support. He called down to the Sheriff and they cuffed her in the courtroom.

Her motion for a change in custody was not granted.

[ROYC75]

Loki, hang in there man, KEEP UP THE FIGHT, you have already established the ground work for terminating the asshole in your life. It's only natural for the asshole to produce some shit along the way by any means she can. These are nothing but trials you need to endure to maintain custody of the kids., the battle has been won.

As long as you continue the course you are on, it's just a matter of time before the asshole runs it's course and has nothing to come back on.

Word of the wise, get you a ledger, log all the activity down, date and time, how they affect youe kids with her actions. She will continue to try to use the kids against you, but most of all, just tell your kids that ( mommy ) asshole has some problems, don't go into details to them about it at this time. They are too young to understand adults ( or an inmature adult asshole ). Always be positive with the kids about her, somehow.

It's commom for adults to ask kids what goes on in the ex's life when split up. Many times most adults use it for an advantage against each other ..... Never fully understanding what it does to a kid on the inside.

Always remember, look at it thru a kids eyes and age , always ask your kids, never drill them and degrade the ex but explain to them why things aren't right in her life and that you wish it could be better for them, but do keep all info logged down, dates and times. This will get you farther in the eyes of the courts since you are being the responsible , mature , parent here.

Best of luck ...........

[Coach]

Good luck bud.

[Always a Chief fan]

My thoughts and prayers for you and your children.
May God be with you and your kids now, and during your court hearing.

[cdcox]

Loki: I know it must be hard seeing your son go off with that your X during visitation. But, think how much better your kids are now that their exposure to her and that environment has been decreased by 10x. That is huge progress and the results are already showing in your kids. Keep fighting the good fight. It will get better. Good luck and God bless.

[Bowser]

Damn, Loki. That is without a doubt a nightmare scenario come true. Props to you for not being convicted of double homicide.

Take solace in that you are doing it right against asshole, and she will have many nights of crying herself to sleep over losing her kids when it's all said and done. And although I say that, Phobia is right. You need to pull for her to clean up her act just for the sake of your kids. And if she can't find it within herself to do that, remember two things - 1) Be as strong for your kids as you were to get them out of their hell. They will need all of your support. 2) Karma is real, my friend. And paybacks are a motherfucker.

Good luck man.

[dr00d]

Loki-- a complex character, a master of guile and deception.

So who is actually telling the truth here?

[go bo]

Originally Posted by Loki

i was hoping to hear your perspective on this. (you're an attorney aren't you?)

i understand that once custody is granted that it's going to take some SERIOUS pull to overturn the decision. (as far as i know, the intricacies of this case may or may not have set some new precedence in my state... @ least that's what the judge and the GAL were discussing at the last hearing)

my questioning deals more with what GOOD is this decision going to do for me or my kids when she has:
a. visitation
b. is already violating the court order (and in contempt of court) with said visitation based on the fact that she is NOT to have my kids anywhere near ex-convict and gangsta-boy. (according to the order set @ the hearing before custody was assigned to me)

she is the type of asshole that will "agree" with everything in front of the judge, but will do whatever the fuck she wants to do when she leaves the courtroom. she violated the separation/divorce agreement(s) the moment she stepped foot out of the courthouse and never got in trouble, and she is already violating these custody proceedings and we're not even done with all the hearing for fuck's sake!!!

so what good is "full custody" when she has ANY visitation whatsoever considering her blatant disregard of the judge's orders??!!

*groan*

anyways, thanks for your thoughts bo.

i'm retired and have successfully completed rehab and been readmitted to the human race...

turning to your question, there are many substantial advantages to having custody such as control over the kids medical treatment, control over the activities going on around them, etc.

but most of all, they get to live with you and are safe from asshole and her excon boyfriend most of the time...

when your kids get older, they will remember what happened to them when they were forced to live with asshole and friend, and they will love you all the more for rescuing them from a very negative environment...

you should also be aware that judge's rarely order the mother to stay away from the kids, no matter how bad she is, unless of course she gets convicted of some drug related or child abuse crime, it is very unlikely that a judge will cut off all visitation for asshole...

otoh, there will come a point when the judge gets tired of it all and will start enforcing his his orders with comtempt charges and it's possible that the judge could even refuse to schedule any more hearings in the absence of any real evidence to support her position...

regarding asshole having visitation, it's almost impossible to cut off all visitation, but if things don't calm down and the children can testify as to what's been going on whern they visit asshole there's a remote possibility...

when you go to court next time, ask for supervised visitation for asshole (that will put a crimp in her efforts to turn the kids against you and would go a long way towards protecting them from abuse - and they would never have to see assholes butt buddy again)...

btw, i assume you have a lawyer handling this, so none of this is "legal advice, etc. etc.

just friendly suggestions, if you know what i mean...

personally, i'd try for supervised visitation at the next hearing, but obviously i don't have all the facts nor do i know about divorce and custody laws in your state, so i can't really advise you about a pending case...

but from personal experience, i can tell you that it is very very difficult for a father to get full custody, but once granted, it would take a miracle for asshole to get them back...

regarding the judge's order not being followed and/or enforced...

annoying as it is, asshole will be able to file various crap seeking to regain custody for awhile, but at some point the judge will get tired of all the frivolous motions, which won't help her any when it comes to the judge making his decision on what really matters, getting supervised visitations...

hopefully, your lawyer will continue to serve you well (he's a friggin miracle worker already) and at some point he should be able to cut off all but supervised visitatoin...

but that's probably about the best you could hope for...

almost no judge would refuse a mother having supervised visitation with her kids (except under exteme conditions, which you don't have here, afaics)...

you should discuss all this with your lawyer, he's you point man now...

caveat: everything i've said is subject to what facts you're are able to prove in court regarding the need for supervised visitation and subject to, of course, the law in your state...

but pm me if you have any questions that i may be able to help you with...

and good luck to ya, bro...

[tommykat]

I feel for you, mostly the children. They are such a precious gift from God. More and more "men" are getting custody of the children. You have done a great job. I have to agree with Phob on this.....One day when/if she does get clean she will hurt worse than you or the kids have. I know that sounds simple, but it is true. You don't have to love her or like her, but one day if she cleans up her act remember that those beautiful children are part of both of you.

Bless you and your children. God is with you!

[JohnnyJet]

Hey man, what youve gone through and are going through is a tough battle. My thoughts are with you as Ive been in a similar situation. Remeber that when things are the toughest, you are doing what you can to save those two innocent children and give them the upbringing they deserve. Funny how when you hear something like this football just doesnt matter. GOOD LUCK.

[go bo]

p.s patteu and several others are licensed in kansas, i believe, and baby lee is licensed in missouri, and either of them might be able to make better informed suggestions than i can...

[Simba]

Good luck. You and your kids are in my prayers. I know from personal experience, at least from the kids' perspective, how tough that particular situation is. Thankfully you were/are there to step in to correct the situation. Hang tough, because I know it's a difficult but necessary battle.

[Braincase]

Originally Posted by dr00d

Loki-- a complex character, a master of guile and deception.

So who is actually telling the truth here?

I wish your parents had allowed you to play with dry-cleaning bags.

[StcChief]

Wow...good luck to you and prayers for you kids.
This says volumes about our legal system.

[DanT]

You and your family are in my prayers, Loki.