Toilet Plunger Blues - Page 3

cheeeefs · 12-18-2006, 08:47 PM

As I sit here a maid is walking in and out of my room at The Hilton back and forth to my bathroom, casting gazes of wonderment in my direction as I type furiously on my laptop, pretending to be too engrossed in my work to notice her. I guess you might be wondering how I got to this stage, well finish eating your food, and get a garbage pale, you just might need it.

Right now I'm doing border patrol in Tucson Arizona where I go on site for about 32 hours. This is good and all, except for the fact that if you have to shit, you have to shit in a bag. No big deal really, except we are on an Indian reservation and we have to take said bag back with us. So you carry your shit bag with you for hours, an experience I have to this point, skillfully, even if sometimes painfully avoided.

Now, being a man of voracious appetite I do my daily ritual two, sometimes three times a day. Holding said daily ritual I have very recently found out results in an increase in the mass of the movement in a near linear fashion. Needless to say I got home and absolutely destroyed my toilet, it was truly epic. Frankly, I flushed the toilet and left that bathroom with my chin up and a bounce in my step, a proud man. Fast forwarding to the next morning at 5am, I wake up and make sure my system is empty and ready for another 32 hour shift by quickly dropping a dollop of doo. Flush flush goes the toilet. Standing up, to my dread, I realize the water level is rising and there is so much shit in the toilet it looks like an island in the Bahamas (minus the sexy women with daiquiris). I take the lid off and try to stop the spillage but its too late. Water has gone all over the floor and I do a cute little foot dance avoiding all I that I can without letting go of the damn bulb and keeping the lid from dropping. I adroitly handle this sad situation but realize that I only have about 20 minutes before I have to report for duty. I search frantically for a plunger but there is none in sight. I use all four towels to soak up the floor and with no other options I just leave, whispering an apology to my poor sleeping roommate who will now share a room with Turd Island until he can get someone to clean it up, or so I thought.

Fast forward to one hour ago. I come home and notice a privacy please card hanging on the door and think to myself "great, my roommate didn't let room service clean" I check the bathroom and yup, same way I left it... serves me right I guess. so I call down to the front desk and ask for a plunger, the lady stifles a laugh and says "Oh, you got a problem on your hands?" I'm like "ummm yeah", to which she replies "Don't worry I'll send someone up, we have a special word for situations like that". I'm thinking to myself "great, I just wanted the damn plunger, now someone gets to see Turd island and look at me like I'm some sort of circus freak"

So I go back into the bathroom to try to make it a little less, you know, absolutely stomach turningly disgusting. That's when I do an actual inspection of the contents of the bowl. Turd Island has become Turd Continent. Apparently my roommate in his tired stupor didn't notice the gravitational pull of Turd Island and added yet another serving of sludge to the now almost Godzilla sized turd. I'm talking a full bowl here folks, nothing to scoff at, and exactly as big as you are imagining it in your heads. This is a full blown pile-o-turd and it aint pretty. I decide that the least I can do is replace the towels or something. So I go to pick them up and I notice little black strands all over them. (This is where it goes just a bit beyond just gross btw). I quickly realize the little black strands are PUBES. My roommate (an avid drinker) must have also done some trimming before he realized how much shit was in the bowl and let them drop down into the bowl (I guess) when he flushed, the overflow sent his floating pubes over the side of the bowl and he attempted to clean them up with the towels, spreading joy all over the bathroom.

I almost vomit, decide its beyond repair, and quickly prepare myself for an escape. They can take care of this while I'm not here! I go to open the door, and who is there but Mr. Plunger himself. "Got a problem?", he asks. I quickly reply "umm yeah, sorry... it wasn't me I just got home!" He chuckles, we both know I'm lying. He says "Its okay." He obviously didn't know what he was dealing with here. He enters the bathroom and I quickly run to the other side of the room and hide myself behind the desk while I relay the story in horror to my friend Amanda over MSN. She tries to goad me into going and asking the guy if that's the most impressive pile he's ever witnessed, but I am a chicken, and decided against such an adventure. After several minutes of turd wrangling the pour soul comes out and asks me if I want house keeping to come clean up the bathroom, to which I obviously reply "No thanks, it can be taken care of tomorrow!" he nods in understanding and takes his leave and I breathe a sigh of relief. Also to my great relief, I go and make use of the newly functional throne (I stop halfway and flush twice just to make sure)

Ten minutes later (I'm still tucked into the corner chatting on MSN) someone enters my room, it can't be my roommate he won't be home till tomorrow night. I peek around the corner, and it's a maid... I guess Mr. Plunger wasn't so understanding after all. Probably his revenge on me for the plunging experience of the year. I don't give away my position behind the desk in the corner and hope she just cleans and leaves. I hear several flushes and decide to start counting. 1, 2, 3, 4... something has to be wrong. I think, but I'm not sure, that I clogged that bad boy again! I guess only the maid will ever know for sure. Anyways, she continues to clean but eventually she comes to work on the rest of the wrecked room, she walks over to my bed to start making it and finally notices me "oh oh oh oh sorry" she says in broken English. I say "hey..." She responds with "Want me make bed?"
"No thanks, that's okay.... sorry about the bathroom!" I say. She responds with, "that's okay, *giggle* lot of poopy!" I almost die on the spot, but respect the lady for her openness. She goes gives up on the room and goes back into the bathroom where she again continues alternate between going out into the hallway to get stuff from her cart, and flushing the toilet. (this is when I started writing this piece) 5, 6, 7.... EIGHT times she flushed my toilet while cleaning my bathroom. This is after it had already been plunged! Finally, after about 20 minutes of dedicated work she finished and left. I bid her farewell with a nervous laugh and here I sit, awash with conflicting emotions. A part of me is proud of my manly movements, but most of me wishes to god I was faster getting my clothes on.

**Iowanian** · 12-19-2006, 09:07 AM

Cheeefs here is can-EH-dian,
working at the boarder.
when he takes a daily dump at night
The tor-lets out of order.

A defication stadium
muddy for the running game
They call it Investco stadium
Pile high is its name.

I've read your close encounter
of the second kind.
You might be in need of crutches,
you could be chop blocked from behind.

The maid was wearing orange
and cleaning out the bowl
she's coming back this morning
with an excavating hoe.

Take a shovel when you go out there,
and dig yourself a hole.
take your daily raider fan,
in Nature's toilet bowl.

cheeeefs · 12-19-2006, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefsLV

That was awesome, one of the best poop stories I've read. You should post that puppy on poopreport.com.

I had to register and mail it in since it was too long, but Dave put it up this morning. Thanks for the suggestion!

http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/tuscon_hilton.html

cheeeefs · 12-19-2006, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Cheeefs here is can-EH-dian,
working at the boarder.
when he takes a daily dump at night
The tor-lets out of order.

A defication stadium
muddy for the running game
They call it Investco stadium
Pile high is its name.

I've read your close encounter
of the second kind.
You might be in need of crutches,
you could be chop blocked from behind.

The maid was wearing orange
and cleaning out the bowl
she's coming back this morning
with an excavating hoe.

Take a shovel when you go out there,
and dig yourself a hole.
take your daily raider fan,
in Nature's toilet bowl.

I can die having lived a full and complete life now that my #2's have been immortalized in song by Iowanian himself.

Hammock Parties · 12-19-2006, 10:21 AM

There's no excuse to ever have an overflow. If you know what you're doing, you can successfully avoid it everytime. The only possible failure is due to bad execution. I'm experienced in these matters. I've been clogging toilets since Jr. High. I used to be afraid of the situation when it struck, but not anymore. I've got my technique down pat.

By the way, you haven't lived until you've submerged your arm elbow-deep into shitty water.

cheeeefs · 12-19-2006, 10:34 AM

My general strategy to avoid overflow is to shit when I have to. Several times a day. Its been a long time since I was a once a day shitter with enough output to clog a toilet.

In highschool I was a once a day shitter. I would shit right before track practice every day. I would also get on a high tech scale before and after every shit and report to the team the exact weight of my movement. It became a sensation, people would make bets on if I would break a pound or not. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, my most monstrous shit was 1.8 pounds. It was exciting.

kepp · 12-19-2006, 10:34 AM

Trying to suppress

at work now...thanks. Great story BTW.

I'm thinking that it you could've at least left a mint on the pile for the maid though. They don't get many tips you know.

Ecto-I · 12-19-2006, 11:26 AM

Wow...Very entertaining!

**Nzoner** · 12-19-2006, 11:40 AM

That was some funny shit

**Iowanian** · 12-19-2006, 11:56 AM

Wonderdump Activated!
shape of Devils Tower
Form of the Chiefs Season!

klg61 · 12-19-2006, 11:59 AM

thats some funny stuff there. thanks the coffee is hard to get out of a key board ya know..

DJJasonp · 12-19-2006, 12:11 PM

I had a similar experience happen at a nice hotel in New York.

No plunger on the scene....and me praying for the flood waters to recede....no such luck.

They had to bring maintenance up to fix the problem. It was pretty embarassing actually.....but funny at the same time....I kept thinking how the maintenance guy went home to his wife and she asked him how his day went....and he went on to describe how his nostril hairs were singed by the ungodly smell emanating from the clogged toilet in 573.....

It's at that moment when you know you've made a serious vocational error...

Chromie · 12-19-2006, 12:16 PM

klg one of these days youll learn to not drink coffee while around the keyboard...

klg61 · 12-19-2006, 12:18 PM

i remember once, we went on vacation and stopped a day in branson. the last day we were there i had to take a huge dump. i was to scared to flush i knew what was going to happen. i left the maid a very generous tip for not flushing..

**luv** · 12-19-2006, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

There's no excuse to ever have an overflow. If you know what you're doing, you can successfully avoid it everytime. The only possible failure is due to bad execution. I'm experienced in these matters. I've been clogging toilets since Jr. High. I used to be afraid of the situation when it struck, but not anymore. I've got my technique down pat.

By the way, you haven't lived until you've submerged your arm elbow-deep into shitty water.

You really could have left that to the imagination. Really.

klg61 · 12-19-2006, 12:24 PM

i think i need a break from this thred now...

12-18-2006, 08:47 PM
cheeeefs Aishwarya Rai Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Baltimore Casino cash: $10004900	Toilet Plunger Blues As I sit here a maid is walking in and out of my room at The Hilton back and forth to my bathroom, casting gazes of wonderment in my direction as I type furiously on my laptop, pretending to be too engrossed in my work to notice her. I guess you might be wondering how I got to this stage, well finish eating your food, and get a garbage pale, you just might need it. Right now I'm doing border patrol in Tucson Arizona where I go on site for about 32 hours. This is good and all, except for the fact that if you have to shit, you have to shit in a bag. No big deal really, except we are on an Indian reservation and we have to take said bag back with us. So you carry your shit bag with you for hours, an experience I have to this point, skillfully, even if sometimes painfully avoided. Now, being a man of voracious appetite I do my daily ritual two, sometimes three times a day. Holding said daily ritual I have very recently found out results in an increase in the mass of the movement in a near linear fashion. Needless to say I got home and absolutely destroyed my toilet, it was truly epic. Frankly, I flushed the toilet and left that bathroom with my chin up and a bounce in my step, a proud man. Fast forwarding to the next morning at 5am, I wake up and make sure my system is empty and ready for another 32 hour shift by quickly dropping a dollop of doo. Flush flush goes the toilet. Standing up, to my dread, I realize the water level is rising and there is so much shit in the toilet it looks like an island in the Bahamas (minus the sexy women with daiquiris). I take the lid off and try to stop the spillage but its too late. Water has gone all over the floor and I do a cute little foot dance avoiding all I that I can without letting go of the damn bulb and keeping the lid from dropping. I adroitly handle this sad situation but realize that I only have about 20 minutes before I have to report for duty. I search frantically for a plunger but there is none in sight. I use all four towels to soak up the floor and with no other options I just leave, whispering an apology to my poor sleeping roommate who will now share a room with Turd Island until he can get someone to clean it up, or so I thought. Fast forward to one hour ago. I come home and notice a privacy please card hanging on the door and think to myself "great, my roommate didn't let room service clean" I check the bathroom and yup, same way I left it... serves me right I guess. so I call down to the front desk and ask for a plunger, the lady stifles a laugh and says "Oh, you got a problem on your hands?" I'm like "ummm yeah", to which she replies "Don't worry I'll send someone up, we have a special word for situations like that". I'm thinking to myself "great, I just wanted the damn plunger, now someone gets to see Turd island and look at me like I'm some sort of circus freak" So I go back into the bathroom to try to make it a little less, you know, absolutely stomach turningly disgusting. That's when I do an actual inspection of the contents of the bowl. Turd Island has become Turd Continent. Apparently my roommate in his tired stupor didn't notice the gravitational pull of Turd Island and added yet another serving of sludge to the now almost Godzilla sized turd. I'm talking a full bowl here folks, nothing to scoff at, and exactly as big as you are imagining it in your heads. This is a full blown pile-o-turd and it aint pretty. I decide that the least I can do is replace the towels or something. So I go to pick them up and I notice little black strands all over them. (This is where it goes just a bit beyond just gross btw). I quickly realize the little black strands are PUBES. My roommate (an avid drinker) must have also done some trimming before he realized how much shit was in the bowl and let them drop down into the bowl (I guess) when he flushed, the overflow sent his floating pubes over the side of the bowl and he attempted to clean them up with the towels, spreading joy all over the bathroom. I almost vomit, decide its beyond repair, and quickly prepare myself for an escape. They can take care of this while I'm not here! I go to open the door, and who is there but Mr. Plunger himself. "Got a problem?", he asks. I quickly reply "umm yeah, sorry... it wasn't me I just got home!" He chuckles, we both know I'm lying. He says "Its okay." He obviously didn't know what he was dealing with here. He enters the bathroom and I quickly run to the other side of the room and hide myself behind the desk while I relay the story in horror to my friend Amanda over MSN. She tries to goad me into going and asking the guy if that's the most impressive pile he's ever witnessed, but I am a chicken, and decided against such an adventure. After several minutes of turd wrangling the pour soul comes out and asks me if I want house keeping to come clean up the bathroom, to which I obviously reply "No thanks, it can be taken care of tomorrow!" he nods in understanding and takes his leave and I breathe a sigh of relief. Also to my great relief, I go and make use of the newly functional throne (I stop halfway and flush twice just to make sure) Ten minutes later (I'm still tucked into the corner chatting on MSN) someone enters my room, it can't be my roommate he won't be home till tomorrow night. I peek around the corner, and it's a maid... I guess Mr. Plunger wasn't so understanding after all. Probably his revenge on me for the plunging experience of the year. I don't give away my position behind the desk in the corner and hope she just cleans and leaves. I hear several flushes and decide to start counting. 1, 2, 3, 4... something has to be wrong. I think, but I'm not sure, that I clogged that bad boy again! I guess only the maid will ever know for sure. Anyways, she continues to clean but eventually she comes to work on the rest of the wrecked room, she walks over to my bed to start making it and finally notices me "oh oh oh oh sorry" she says in broken English. I say "hey..." She responds with "Want me make bed?" "No thanks, that's okay.... sorry about the bathroom!" I say. She responds with, "that's okay, giggle lot of poopy!" I almost die on the spot, but respect the lady for her openness. She goes gives up on the room and goes back into the bathroom where she again continues alternate between going out into the hallway to get stuff from her cart, and flushing the toilet. (this is when I started writing this piece) 5, 6, 7.... EIGHT times she flushed my toilet while cleaning my bathroom. This is after it had already been plunged! Finally, after about 20 minutes of dedicated work she finished and left. I bid her farewell with a nervous laugh and here I sit, awash with conflicting emotions. A part of me is proud of my manly movements, but most of me wishes to god I was faster getting my clothes on.
Posts: 3,028

12-19-2006, 09:07 AM	#31
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1698454	Cheeefs here is can-EH-dian, working at the boarder. when he takes a daily dump at night The tor-lets out of order. A defication stadium muddy for the running game They call it Investco stadium Pile high is its name. I've read your close encounter of the second kind. You might be in need of crutches, you could be chop blocked from behind. The maid was wearing orange and cleaning out the bowl she's coming back this morning with an excavating hoe. Take a shovel when you go out there, and dig yourself a hole. take your daily raider fan, in Nature's toilet bowl.
Posts: 62,942

12-19-2006, 10:21 AM	#34
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $850478	There's no excuse to ever have an overflow. If you know what you're doing, you can successfully avoid it everytime. The only possible failure is due to bad execution. I'm experienced in these matters. I've been clogging toilets since Jr. High. I used to be afraid of the situation when it struck, but not anymore. I've got my technique down pat. By the way, you haven't lived until you've submerged your arm elbow-deep into shitty water. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 297,293

12-19-2006, 10:34 AM	#35
cheeeefs Aishwarya Rai Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Baltimore Casino cash: $10004900	My general strategy to avoid overflow is to shit when I have to. Several times a day. Its been a long time since I was a once a day shitter with enough output to clog a toilet. In highschool I was a once a day shitter. I would shit right before track practice every day. I would also get on a high tech scale before and after every shit and report to the team the exact weight of my movement. It became a sensation, people would make bets on if I would break a pound or not. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, my most monstrous shit was 1.8 pounds. It was exciting. __________________ "Yeah, I could do it. We both know you wouldn't stop me. Let's think about the logic. You create man, man suffers enormous amounts of pain, man dies. They say you rested on the seventh day, well maybe you should have spent that day on compassion."
Posts: 3,028

12-19-2006, 10:34 AM	#36
kepp MVP Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $3479212	Trying to suppress at work now...thanks. Great story BTW. I'm thinking that it you could've at least left a mint on the pile for the maid though. They don't get many tips you know.
Posts: 14,742

12-19-2006, 11:26 AM	#37
Ecto-I The only way to Travel. Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In the car Casino cash: $2863602	Wow...Very entertaining!
Posts: 2,921

12-19-2006, 11:40 AM	#38
Nzoner a haw haw haw Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: MIZZOU Casino cash: $26365802	That was some funny shit __________________ *Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.*
Posts: 27,111

12-19-2006, 11:56 AM	#39
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1698454	Wonderdump Activated! shape of Devils Tower Form of the Chiefs Season!
Posts: 62,942

12-19-2006, 11:59 AM	#40
klg61 Starter Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: hutch. ks Casino cash: $10004900	thats some funny stuff there. thanks the coffee is hard to get out of a key board ya know..
Posts: 57

12-19-2006, 12:11 PM	#41
DJJasonp My work speaks for itself!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: So Cal Casino cash: $-1844800	I had a similar experience happen at a nice hotel in New York. No plunger on the scene....and me praying for the flood waters to recede....no such luck. They had to bring maintenance up to fix the problem. It was pretty embarassing actually.....but funny at the same time....I kept thinking how the maintenance guy went home to his wife and she asked him how his day went....and he went on to describe how his nostril hairs were singed by the ungodly smell emanating from the clogged toilet in 573..... It's at that moment when you know you've made a serious vocational error... __________________ Its easier to fool a man, than to convince a man he's been fooled.
Posts: 13,965

12-19-2006, 12:16 PM	#42
Chromie The one and only Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Nashville, TN Casino cash: $10004900	klg one of these days youll learn to not drink coffee while around the keyboard...
Posts: 9

12-19-2006, 12:18 PM	#43
klg61 Starter Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: hutch. ks Casino cash: $10004900	i remember once, we went on vacation and stopped a day in branson. the last day we were there i had to take a huge dump. i was to scared to flush i knew what was going to happen. i left the maid a very generous tip for not flushing..
Posts: 57

12-19-2006, 12:24 PM	#45
klg61 Starter Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: hutch. ks Casino cash: $10004900	i think i need a break from this thred now...
Posts: 57