Jared Allen: Thank God For This White Skin! - Page 3

Hammock Parties · 10:21 PM

http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/...hite-skin.html

Let me just start off by saying that I hate racism. Seriously. I don’t care for it at all. I grew up learning about Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass, and lots of other pioneers for civil rights. I admire their work, and I do my best to live my life without judging people based on their race, religion or anything else like that. I’m not perfect, but I try my best, and I think making a constant effort is a small victory in and of itself.

But ever since I was suspended for two games for my double DUI convictions, I do have to say that, while racism really sucks, being white sure comes in handy when you need it. And to that I say, thank god for this white skin!

I can’t tell you how many times having white skin has saved my ass. Sure, I was convicted for DUI twice. But those were just the times I was arrested! I’ve been caught dozens of times. Often with a hooker! Mostly, the cop pulls me over, checks my license, then gives me a playful punch on the shoulder, saying, “You dog, you! Don’t you know we got a game tomorrow?! You go home and get yourself a good night’s sleep, and GO CHIEFS!” I always figured they let it slide because I play football. But then the same thing has happened, like, thirty times to my buddy Roscoe. And he can’t play football worth a shit. But he’s whiter than a stack of Hammermill copier paper. So it’s gotta be the skin. Whew!

And my white skin has uses outside of the legal system. Like the other day, I went to buy a soda, but was 50 cents short. So I went outside and asked a couple passersby for some spare change. None of them batted a ****ing eyelash! Some guy handed me a crisp twenty, smiled, and just said, “Pay it forward, buddy.” I mean, holy shit! Can you believe that? That Eddie Murphy skit wasn’t lying at all! That shit actually happens!

Wow!

Sometimes I feel bad that this white skin has proven so effective in helping he wriggle out of jams. But what am I supposed to do, ask to be thrown in jail? Look, I’m only human. I’m allowed a certain amount of self-preservation. Having white skin accords you certain privileges. I’d be an idiot not to take advantage of them. Just last week, some real estate guy offered me a job after I retire. I don’t know anything about real estate. Shit, I went to Idaho State. Sometimes I spell my name with two r’s by accident. But I can white out any spelling errors with my trusty white skin. It’s amazing.

I feel bad that Pacman Jones was suspended without actually having been convicted of anything. And I feel bad that Michael Vick has already been convicted in the court of public opinion. But what good does it do if I go up to the commish and say, “Hey Rog, how about suspending me for 8 games instead of 2?” Not only would it solve nothing, it’s just dumb. Punishing me more isn't gonna make black player stereotypes any better now, is it? So why suffer needlessly when other people will just keep suffering needlessly? Way better to keep a low profile and let that shitstorm pass right on over.

I guess the league has to act whenever the actions of a player threaten to tarnish the league’s image. And it’s way worse to the league’s image when a black dude is the perpetrator. Is that fair? Hell no. But you won’t see me complaining. I’m just glad those crazy PETA assholes haven’t camped out in front of my house. After all, I do enjoy hunting on occasion. I don’t want them spray painting any of my shit. That’s stuff is hard to get off, and I hate the smell of turpenoid.

And it’s not like the league has control over all the racism out there. They’re in the business of pleasing customers. And if customers want Pacman Jones ****ed sideways, what choice is there? That’s just smart business. Either way, I’m glad it’s not my problem to deal with! Some people have even pointed out the hypocrisy of the situation, yet still nothing has happened! That just shows you the power of my blinding whiteness!

I hate racism, but thank God for this white skin!

(kisses skin)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get ass shitfaced and drive down an embankment going 90.

milkman · 08-18-2007, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

It depends if your a mexican milk man, if so then the answer is hell no.

I take it that you're a fan of that site, as I would imagine any dumbass would be.

And for the record, my grandfather was Mexican.

Ultra Peanut · 08-18-2007, 11:00 PM

Jesus Christ, you guys are ****ing babies. It's funny when they're making fun of Eli Manning or Rex Grossman, but how dare they poke a little fun at a guy who was twice convicted of a DUI.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Kotter

Who REALLY wrote that? Do we know?

Some whiney assed Vick/Pacman sympathizer trying to make some pretty lame-assed and pathetically transparent bullshit "point," I suppose.

Ablooblooblooblooblooooooooo! Abloobloobloobloobloooooo!

It's by Big Daddy Drew. With a name like Kissing Suzy Kolber, you know a site is purporting to be 100% legit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by HolmeZz

It's a joke/parody blog, as was pointed out earlier.

I prefer The Dugout though.

HEY GUYS IT'S ME JA

JARED ALLEN

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman

I take it that you're a fan of that site, as I would imagine any dumbass would be.

And for the record, my grandfather was Mexican.

Actually, I never even clicked the link so I have no clue of the site. Also I have many mexican friends who all hate themselves for being person of Hispanic heritages.

milkman · 08-18-2007, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

Actually, I never even clicked the link so I have no clue of the site. Also I have many mexican friends who all hate themselves for being person of Hispanic heritages.

So you have a bunch of imaginary friends.

HolmeZz · 08-18-2007, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut

HEY GUYS IT'S ME JA

JARED ALLEN

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WHY I'M DRUNK

**the Talking Can** · 08-18-2007, 11:13 PM

humor should be funny...

**RealSNR** · 08-18-2007, 11:16 PM

So did I ever tell you guys how much I ****ing hate black people?

**RealSNR** · 08-18-2007, 11:17 PM

JKJKJKJJK JOKE JOKE OMG PLEEZ DONT BAN ME LOGICAL

Ultra Peanut · 08-18-2007, 11:18 PM

A: LOL WHITE PEOPLE SOMETIMES GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT
B: YOU RACIST

KurtCobain · 08-18-2007, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman

So you have a bunch of imaginary friends.

I wouldn't say a bunch. Just one. Who thinks I should end myself.

**RealSNR** · 08-18-2007, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut

A: LOL WHITE PEOPLE SOMETIMES GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT
B: YOU RACIST

Wow omg d00d thats not cool -_-;;;

Logical · 08-18-2007, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNR

JKJKJKJJK JOKE JOKE OMG PLEEZ DONT BAN ME LOGICAL

Yell it a little louder and your faux outrage will come across a little better.

88TG88 · 08-19-2007, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HolmeZz

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WHY I'M DRUNK

wtf ?

HolmeZz · 08-19-2007, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88TG88

wtf ?

http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/b71.html

You still won't get it, but it was worth the try.

**Reaper16** · 08-19-2007, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HolmeZz

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WH

THIS IS WHY I'M DRUNK

Top shelf work.

I really, really love The Dugout.

08-18-2007, 09:15 PM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $850478	**PARODY PARODY NOT REAL Jared Allen: Thank God For This White Skin! http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/...hite-skin.html Let me just start off by saying that I hate racism. Seriously. I don’t care for it at all. I grew up learning about Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass, and lots of other pioneers for civil rights. I admire their work, and I do my best to live my life without judging people based on their race, religion or anything else like that. I’m not perfect, but I try my best, and I think making a constant effort is a small victory in and of itself. But ever since I was suspended for two games for my double DUI convictions, I do have to say that, while racism really sucks, being white sure comes in handy when you need it. And to that I say, thank god for this white skin! I can’t tell you how many times having white skin has saved my ass. Sure, I was convicted for DUI twice. But those were just the times I was arrested! I’ve been caught dozens of times. Often with a hooker! Mostly, the cop pulls me over, checks my license, then gives me a playful punch on the shoulder, saying, “You dog, you! Don’t you know we got a game tomorrow?! You go home and get yourself a good night’s sleep, and GO CHIEFS!” I always figured they let it slide because I play football. But then the same thing has happened, like, thirty times to my buddy Roscoe. And he can’t play football worth a shit. But he’s whiter than a stack of Hammermill copier paper. So it’s gotta be the skin. Whew! And my white skin has uses outside of the legal system. Like the other day, I went to buy a soda, but was 50 cents short. So I went outside and asked a couple passersby for some spare change. None of them batted a ing eyelash! Some guy handed me a crisp twenty, smiled, and just said, “Pay it forward, buddy.” I mean, holy shit! Can you believe that? That Eddie Murphy skit wasn’t lying at all! That shit actually happens! Wow! Sometimes I feel bad that this white skin has proven so effective in helping he wriggle out of jams. But what am I supposed to do, ask to be thrown in jail? Look, I’m only human. I’m allowed a certain amount of self-preservation. Having white skin accords you certain privileges. I’d be an idiot not to take advantage of them. Just last week, some real estate guy offered me a job after I retire. I don’t know anything about real estate. Shit, I went to Idaho State. Sometimes I spell my name with two r’s by accident. But I can white out any spelling errors with my trusty white skin. It’s amazing. I feel bad that Pacman Jones was suspended without actually having been convicted of anything. And I feel bad that Michael Vick has already been convicted in the court of public opinion. But what good does it do if I go up to the commish and say, “Hey Rog, how about suspending me for 8 games instead of 2?” Not only would it solve nothing, it’s just dumb. Punishing me more isn't gonna make black player stereotypes any better now, is it? So why suffer needlessly when other people will just keep suffering needlessly? Way better to keep a low profile and let that shitstorm pass right on over. I guess the league has to act whenever the actions of a player threaten to tarnish the league’s image. And it’s way worse to the league’s image when a black dude is the perpetrator. Is that fair? Hell no. But you won’t see me complaining. I’m just glad those crazy PETA assholes haven’t camped out in front of my house. After all, I do enjoy hunting on occasion. I don’t want them spray painting any of my shit. That’s stuff is hard to get off, and I hate the smell of turpenoid. And it’s not like the league has control over all the racism out there. They’re in the business of pleasing customers. And if customers want Pacman Jones *ed sideways, what choice is there? That’s just smart business. Either way, I’m glad it’s not my problem to deal with! Some people have even pointed out the hypocrisy of the situation, yet still nothing has happened! That just shows you the power of my blinding whiteness! I hate racism, but thank God for this white skin! (kisses skin) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get ass shitfaced and drive down an embankment going 90. Last edited by Hammock Parties; 08-18-2007 at 10:21 PM..*
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08-18-2007, 11:13 PM	#36
the Talking Can Supporter Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: street Casino cash: $9212208	humor should be funny... __________________ Clark Hunt: "Thank god for the Dominican pool boy"
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08-18-2007, 11:16 PM	#37
RealSNR Special Teams ACE!!! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Where the hell is SNR Casino cash: $-1484792	So did I ever tell you guys how much I ****ing hate black people?
Posts: 93,406

08-18-2007, 11:17 PM	#38
RealSNR Special Teams ACE!!! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Where the hell is SNR Casino cash: $-1484792	JKJKJKJJK JOKE JOKE OMG PLEEZ DONT BAN ME LOGICAL
Posts: 93,406

08-18-2007, 11:18 PM	#39
Ultra Peanut v^V^v^V^v^V^ Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Holland* Casino cash: $10005177	A: LOL WHITE PEOPLE SOMETIMES GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT B: YOU RACIST __________________
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