prayer request: for my children

[Loki]

i have been contemplating wether or not to do this for quite some time and am still not too keen on spilling my guts out on this BB despite the fact that i feel there is a good sense of "community" here. i'm not an overly religious person and somewhat question the power of prayer, but if ever i needed support through prayer, now is that time. i have two beautiful children (daughter age 7, son age 5) and they really need your help/thoughts/prayers.

if any of you have been wondering where i have been or what i've been doing for the past couple months, here's the scoop... please bear with me as this is a LONG story.

for the last 2 years, i have been battling my ex-wife for custody of my children. it has been an ugly UGLY fight both in terms of emotional (and financial) stress.
my ex (from now on will be addressed as "asshole" for storytelling purposes) is a drug (coccaine, weed, pills, etc) abuser, physical abuser, and an emotional abuser. she lives with and associates with an ex-convict and his juvenile delinquent son. these two people also abuse my children when they are around them.

examples of abuse you ask? honestly there are too many to list but i will give you a small sample. (i could seriously write a bible sized book about this.) not feeding the kids, not bathing the kids, not taking them to the doctor's when they are sick or injured, locking them out of the house in rain/snow/cold/night (in t-shirts and shorts) so they could do their drugs, hitting/kicking/beating the kids (i have pictures of bruises), stealing the kid's college funds for drug money, shooting the kids with bb guns, doing drugs in front of the kids, locking the kids in rooms unsupervised with porn movies in the dvd players, yelling/screaming at the kids, telling the kids they wished they were never born, making the kids drink beer, forcing the kids to be physically abusive to each other, threatening the kids, physically abusing the kid's pet dog in front of them to intimidate the kids (ie: i'm going to do this to YOU if you don't...) throwing out the kids birthday/x-mas presents that come from my house/family in front of them (usually after smashing them to bits), smoking (whatever) in front of them and then blowing it in their faces...
*sigh* the list goes on... i'm sure you get the idea, so back to the story.

prior to jan 1st of this year, my children were in asshole's physical custody and were subjected to all sorts of inappropriate or abusive behaviors (as noted above). i was only allowed to see them on weekends. after jan 1st, my children moved in with me and things drastically changed for them (obviously for the better)
within 3 weeks of them living with me, all their teachers (from the private school i had them enrolled in) approached me and said they noticed a complete and positive change in the children's behavior, appearance, and academics. unbeknownst to me, asshole had approached the school and made up all sorts of BS lies and stories about me and none of the teachers would approach or speak with me (for the most part). luckily my son's teachers were some pretty sharp individuals (thanks so much for believing in me mrs. m and mrs. e !!) and pulled me aside prior to the children moving in with me and asked me about the situation. (apparently they had tried contacting asshole since the beginning of the year about my son's aggressive and inappropriate behaviors in class. they insisted that he get some type of counseling but were getting nowhere with asshole so turned to me.) i explained to them that i had been trying to get counseling for my children since the divorce, but was unable to get asshole to sign consent forms because she didn't want the children to talk about her, convict boyfriend, gangster son, or what was going on @ her house. this news disgusted them, so they told me some of the things that asshole had said about me and told me that they would try and help me get some counseling. a couple weeks later (after more unsuccessful attempts to get any response from asshole) i had an official school document DEMANDING counseling for my son and several teachers giving me full support to start some type of action. (they also contacted DSS on my children's behalf due to some of the things my children were telling their teachers at school).

so, with support from the school, and DSS investigating asshole (finally) i decided to make my move and slam this b!tch. i contacted my attorney (who knew i was going to go for custody when i had some ammo), got the kids in with the counselor (i had been trying to get them in with for the last 2 yrs), and served asshole with my intent to sue for full custody.
from there all hell broke loose.

we have been to court at least 6 times in the last 4 months. been subjected to hardcore investigations by the courts and DSS, subjected to drug testing (i have passed all of them because i am CLEAN, while she has failed them... she came out 30 times (16000ng) over the limit (500ng) for coccaine) subjected to countless questioning (the same friggin questions over and over *groan*) by countless court agents (who never seem to pass prior investigation information along) and paid out so much money i've had to sell things and take out loans just to keep up. and this is far from over...

just before our last court appearance (about 3 weeks ago) asshole took my daughter and threw her against a wall and subsequently put her in the hospital. she is out of the hospital now and doing much better. she won't suffer any permanent neurological damage according to the doctors, but didn't have any "marks" on her so the hospital couldn't prove (without reasonable doubt) that asshole did it to her. both my kids vehemently maintain that asshole did do this, but we have no hard proof.

un-fucking-believeable.

currently, i have been granted full physical and legal custody of my children. however, for some strange reason, asshole has been granted visitation rights (every other weekend) and "interim dinner visits" where she can take the kids every wednesday night for 3 hours. thankfully, my daughter (currently) doesn't have to go with asshole, but my son does. (so what fucking GOOD does it mean for me to have full custody if she has any contact with them??!!! someone please enlighten me on that one... i'm baffled...)
at the very least has this change in custody brought about any positive changes? you bet! my kids are now in a new school, love it and are doing GREAT , they have new friends that they get to play with (their mother never let them go visit friends or have friends over because of the drugs... she even used to transport the drugs in their school backpacks... WTF??!!), they now have sleep overs, playdates, birthday parties (where no one smashes their gifts and/or throws them out), they have been begging to play sports and are now enrolled in and playing sports, get to see their counselor/therapist (whom they really dig...) on a weekly basis, and best of all, they are smiling and laughing again... it has been a long time since i've seen something so simple as a smile on their faces (how friggin sad THAT sh*t was... for a LONG time). it is truly a beautiful thing.

it is my firm opinion that asshole should have no contact with my children whatsoever, but apparently the extremely liberal court system in my state doesn't agree with my assessments. (fuck!!) my attorney, on the other hand, is very pleased with current orders as this state is EXTREMELY biased towards women/mothers and fathers usually (99.9% of the time) get totally SHAFTED. at this point i feel i can attest to that.
now asshole has shifted her tactics and is fucking with me with the only group of people who will still listen to her bullsh*t: DSS. she can't beat me in court so she's getting these dumb b4stards to fuck up our world. how is she getting them to listen to her? well, she tells them that i force my kids to watch porn, that i'm a porn addict and that i wank my hogan in front of my kids... she has also threatened my children to lie for her to support her claims. (nice) all her other claims (about me) to DSS have been thrown out as ridiculous, but this time she got their attention. i am now being investigated by these DSS dumbasses for 45 days. fuck!!!

despite the fact that i have a lot of good people backing and supporting me (teachers, lawyers, counselors/therapists, doctors, neighbors, family members, etc..) and that my entire case is based in truth and fact and hers is based on lies and pure bullsh*t, we are going into court yet again for another "pre-trial" hearing this coming thursday the 28th of sept 2006. when will this end??!!

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

[Postal_clone]

In Iowa.......filed for custody in 92......got full custody in March 98.......July 2002 had exes parental rights terminated. Ever thought of doing that??? If you have documentation to back your story...It may be worth looking into. BTW I have 2 years left on the loans I had to take out to pay for all the attorneys....PI's and all the other crap that I got stuck with. I didnt read your whole article just the first few paragraphs were enough for me

[patteeu]

Sounds pretty rough, to say the least. You and your kids are in my thoughts. Good luck.

[Mr. Kotter]

Somehow, I've over-looked this.....

What an awful situation for your kids. Best wishes and Godspeed for a positive outcome. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

[Fishpicker]

you and the kids are in my prayers. I'll pray for asshole too, she seems like she might need it most

[morphius]

Good luck Loki, sounds like enough to make one lose their sanity.

[Frazod]

Best of luck to you and your kids. I'll never understand why our reeruned legal system is so utterly biased towards women in situations like this, regardless of what sort of wastoid wreckage they are.

Hopefully that sick twat will die of an overdose and end your problems (assuming that the dumbfuck judge wouldn't make your kids move to the cemetary).

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Loki

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

Over the years you have been a complete azz to me. Regardless, I think you are a decent person and you certainly love your kids very much thus I will keep you and them in my thoughts and hope that your ordeal is over soon. Your kids deserve the best. Let's hope you are allowed to give it to them.

Good luck.

[JBucc]

I'd have killed that bitch by now. Good luck to ya.

[chiefs4me]

I don't even have the words......but wanted you to know that my paryers are with you and your children.

[Simplex3]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Over the years you have been a complete azz to me. Regardless, I think you are a decent person and you certainly love your kids very much thus I will keep you and them in my thoughts and hope that your ordeal is over soon. Your kids deserve the best. Let's hope you are allowed to give it to them.

Good luck.

Way to bring this thread around to a poor mememe angle.

And on a side note, I hope everything works out, Loki.

As for getting asshole busted, it doesn't sound to me like you'd have to do anything but call in an anonymous tip while she had your son. I can't imagine that when the cops got there everyone would be clean, sober, and there wouldn't be anything in the house.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Valiant

You get your cop friend or hire a PI to follow her and take pictures of her when she is violating these agreements..

Personally I would be more worried about her just nabbing the kids coming from what you have wrote...

strange that you mention the "nabbing" issue. just within the last week, i believe she planned to do that when she came to pick up my son for his "dinner/brainwashing" visit.

the whole scene reminded me of some pervert who would stake out some kiddie playground and try to lure kids into his van with the promise of a box of candy or some sh*t like that.

i mentioned in my initial post that asshole has been unable to see my daughter while the physical abuse/hospitalization was being investigated. well she came over this last wednesday with the intent of luring my daughter into her vehicle with my daughter's pet dog (also mentioned above). now asshole was SUPPOSED to give the dog up a few months ago, but has kept it because she knows it's the ONLY thing my daughter likes about being at her house. my daughter has missed the dog horribly and asshole knows this. she still won't give the dog up because she knows it makes my daughter sad... what an asshole!!
anyways, if i hadn't been home from work sick this last wednesday, she might have gotten my daughter into the car because my daughter really wanted to see her dog. asshole tried to lie to the babysitter last week and told her that my daughter was supposed to go with her from now on... luckily my sitter knows what asshole is all about and called me on the phone and asked me first before letting my daughter go ANYWHERE with asshole. (smart kid!) i can't describe the expression on asshole's face when i came to the door instead of the babysitter. she was NOT expecting me to be there for certain.
anyways, she shows up at the door, her jaw hits the ground because i'm there, but she still decides to go thru with her plan of luring my daughter into her car. everytime my daughter stooped over to pet the dog, asshole would reel the leash in and my daughter would have to step forward. what began in the doorway soon ended up out on the front lawn. once my daughter was down on the front lawn, asshole and asshole's mother both blocked her path back to the door and started grilling her with questions as to why she didn't want to go visit them and why she wouldn't talk to them on the phone and such. they then told my daughter that she had to hug them (now remember... asshole threw my daughter into a wall 2-3 weeks ago putting her in the hospital... asshole's mother saw this happen and LAUGHED at it... again, i have no hard proof of this, but BOTH my kids said they saw this happen, and i am used to my son lying for his mother.) watching this all happen made me boiling angry and i was about to say something to these two harpies when my daughter made a break for it and ran back into the house begging me to get her dog for her.
asshole's reply to this was, "if you want to see your dog, you need to come with us..." my daughter burst into tears, my neighbors started coming to their doorways so asshole and her asshole mother beat a hasty retreat.

good thing i was home.

[Dunit35]

Good luck man...I'm glad you're fighting this and the kids are doing so much better now.

[morphius]

Are you making a journal of this? Might not be a bad idea. And with your neighbors seeing some of it you might get them to act as witnesses on this situation.

I know it isn't much help, but document everything you can.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by ChiefFan31

Wow, I just read this....

Un-****ing-believable. That is a true nightmare story man. Prayers for your situation and for your kids. I never really read stories about this, but have heard of a few.

It really is a shame in this instance how the courts will bend over backwards to accomodate the mother of the children.

And lastly, I applaud your willingness and patience to stick by the system and see this thing through the legal way. I couldnt imagine how hard it was to not go over there and physically (talking about loser boyfriend) do something about it, but where would that get you? In jail and your kids in her permanent custody...

One thing...maybe a Private Detective to get photos of the kids mother doing drugs is a possibility? Even though it sounds like the time for that possibility has passed with you getting custody, but maybe it could help to minimize her visitation rights (just a thought)

yeah, i've run those PI scenarios across a few people and we've all come up with the same conclusions... i'm going to end up whacked because of her family's "associations". both of her brothers have already threatened my life... those two don't really frighten me, but their other family members and associates do!!
if i bust her, she's gunna squeal to save her own ass and people are going to wind up missing...
i have had to walk a very tight line and do everything legal and by the book with this (while she bends or ignores all the fucking rules... classic. pisses me off). it totally SUCKS.

WORD OF ADVICE TO ANYONE CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE TO AN ITALIAN WOMAN:
check out their family and extended family THOROUGHLY before saying "i do". it may save you a lot of trouble...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

As GoBo suggested, you've already crossed the biggest hurdle. You got custody. It sounds like this recent deal was her first counter attack. Once the investigation is done, and the DDS people figure out that she was full of it, they are going to be much less inclined to listen to her story next time.

Out of curisosity, since you have custody, has she been ordered to pay child support? She should. She is less likely to get frisky if she owes you money.

Funny story....

Good friend of mine was in a similar situation, fought for 5 years to get custody from your ex's twin. Finally got it. During the custody hearing, she made up stories of how she had a great job and the like. His attorney pressed the issue and got a child support order based on all the money she claimed to be making. About a year later, she made some outlandish claims about my friend and filed a motion for change of custody. They go to the courthouse and the judge says "Ms. Smith, hmmm? Sounds familiar. Just a second." Turns out, a few weeks earlier the judge had signed an arrest warrant for the Ex's failure to pay child support. He called down to the Sheriff and they cuffed her in the courtroom.

Her motion for a change in custody was not granted.

child support? no... not YET.
but my attorney is aware of my intentions to GET it. all of the hearings have been "pre-trial" so far. nothing is "set in stone" so to speak. personally, i think this is bullsh*t the way the court drag$ this crap out like this. in my mind this has always been an open and shut case... but it continue$ to drag on with no apparent ending in $ight. even this next hearing on thursday will be considered "pre-trial" .... (WTF??!!)

in the meantime, i'm broke as fuck taking out loans to pay all these friggin court/attorney/GAL co$t$ and my attorney is showing me her new lexus SUV.

mu$t be nice...