Life I'm cohabitating... would appreciate any advice. - Page 4

Direckshun · 05-02-2008, 09:15 AM

Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.

keg in kc · 05-02-2008, 11:05 AM

Don't go in with any expectations. Meaning don't expect it to work out, but also don't go into it like you're the Chiefs and Gunther Cunningham was just named HC again.

That is to say, neither one of you has any idea what's going to happen, and if you expect everything to be perfect, it'll never live up to that, and if you expect it all to go to shit, you'll make it do just that on a subconscious level.

This has been said already, but it's really the key: communicate. All the time. Not just when there's a fight. And remember you're not only lovers, but (I'm assuming) best friends. Don't take each other for granted (that's harder the longer you live together...); neither one of you's a piece of furniture. Oh, and one last thing: it's not 'your place' or 'her place', it's going to be both of your place, and there's an inherent respect there that you both need to have.

Oh, and one more last thing: make sure you both have some time and space to yourselves. You don't want to (literally) spend every waking moment together, 'cause you'll drive each other fucking nuts.

Direckshun · 05-02-2008, 11:10 AM

Thank you for all the advice.

I expect it to keep coming in this thread, but thanks for the thoughts.

Getting my own "room"/"space" is particularly brilliant. I'll definitely keep that one in mind.

Thanks for all the forewarnings, too.

plbrdude · 05-02-2008, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Either get married or don't.

good advice right there. listen to that man.

Adept Havelock · 05-02-2008, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stlchiefs

First, congrats to you on your successful relationship.

Second, I'm not saying a piece of paper or some authority is what keeps a relationship together, but as Silock pointed out studies have shown that statistically without the formal commitment this setup is not usually the best long term option. Again, as you said love and respect is what it comes down to in the end.

Thanks. I'm certainly not saying it's for everyone, but it works for us. One of the first things we decided was we didn't need the state or a church to validate our relationship or decision. I realize not everyone can approach it in that manner, for whatever reason. I'll also say that if we had reproduced, we may have started looking at it differently.

Brock · 05-02-2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCJohnny

Not to mention its a mortal sin (6th commandment) which leads to damnation.

Thanks for the view from the coocoo for cocoa puffs part of the world.

Demonpenz · 05-02-2008, 11:43 AM

I would advise you to move in with her first. Because if you are married it's alot tougher to get out of the marriage. This way you can see if you guys work and if you don't more fish in the sea and other girls to date.

Arrowhead Pride · 05-02-2008, 11:48 AM

I'm doing the same thing Direckshun.

The rules are....there are no rules. Or "correct" advice.

The only thing I can say is you won't always get your way and she won't always get hers. Compromise, fight only the battles that really matter and set the example you want her to follow - do the dishes, take out the trash and pick up after yourself.

Hopefully she'll follow suit.

beach tribe · 05-02-2008, 12:05 PM

JUST got mine out, and I could not feel better. Good luck bro. Hope your's is not the psycho mine was. From experience I would have to say that all women are a little crazy. They think way too much.

Like I said good luck. It's gonna be a LONG time before I go down that road again.

**alanm** · 05-02-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.
Thanks in advance.

You're so fucked.

kaplin42 · 05-02-2008, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arrowhead Pride

I'm doing the same thing Direckshun.

The rules are....there are no rules. Or "correct" advice.

The only thing I can say is you won't always get your way and she won't always get hers. Compromise, fight only the battles that really matter and set the example you want her to follow - do the dishes, take out the trash and pick up after yourself.

Hopefully she'll follow suit.

Careful there man, you're heading down a sure fire way to being called Mr. Mom or some lame shit like that.

angelo · 05-02-2008, 12:41 PM

1) You can try to hide your porn but she will find it. If you have anything other than a Victoria's secret catalog pitch it in the trash or you will be up all night. While she alternately sobs and screams at you about your fascination with Bridget the midget and Thai lady boy's or so I here.

2) The first time she asks you to do laundry screw it up big time ( same with making coffee) I have never been asked to do either in ten years.

3) Find one thing that you do well and tell her she never has to do it again. (except for bj's and if your really good at that then why is she moving in. I tend to fall of the couch.)

4) Have separate checking accounts

5) Keep an emergency out fund of $1500-2000 dollars secreted away (if you get married make it $5000) to get out of the relationship quickly.

6) Find a florist a have them randomly send flowers for no reason (never when you have done something wrong)

7) Make sure she has her own room for clothes

8) I have done this three times and the last one has been permanent so far.

9) On the first night as you lay in bed look deeply in her eyes and yank the covers over her head for a dutch oven. (if you haven't already)

crazycoffey · 05-02-2008, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoBo

Make sure only her name is on the lease.

Ding ding, we have a winner! Same with all the bills, so when you finally get tired of her bitching and crabbing, you can just grab your suitcase and hit the road.

So much for mutual respect.....

crazycoffey · 05-02-2008, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angelo

1) You can try to hide your porn but she will find it. If you have anything other than a Victoria's secret catalog pitch it in the trash or you will be up all night. While she alternately sobs and screams at you about your fascination with Bridget the midget and Thai lady boy's or so I here.

2) The first time she asks you to do laundry screw it up big time ( same with making coffee) I have never been asked to do either in ten years.

3) Find one thing that you do well and tell her she never has to do it again. (except for bj's and if your really good at that then why is she moving in. I tend to fall of the couch.)

4) Have separate checking accounts

5) Keep an emergency out fund of $1500-2000 dollars secreted away (if you get married make it $5000) to get out of the relationship quickly.

6) Find a florist a have them randomly send flowers for no reason (never when you have done something wrong)

7) Make sure she has her own room for clothes

8) I have done this three times and the last one has been permanent so far.

Rep - I love the laundry one....

Hoover · 05-02-2008, 12:53 PM

I "do" her laundry once in a while to remind her ehy she needs to do it. Works like a charm.

Silock · 05-02-2008, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radar Chief

Wow, guess Mrs. Radar and I are the exception then.
We lived together for almost 2 years before I popped the question and will have been married for 10 years in December.

Definitely the exception

Congrats

05-02-2008, 09:15 AM
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $4183447	I'm cohabitating... would appreciate any advice. Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone. Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it. So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal. Thanks in advance.
Posts: 59,314

05-02-2008, 11:05 AM	#46
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	Don't go in with any expectations. Meaning don't expect it to work out, but also don't go into it like you're the Chiefs and Gunther Cunningham was just named HC again. That is to say, neither one of you has any idea what's going to happen, and if you expect everything to be perfect, it'll never live up to that, and if you expect it all to go to shit, you'll make it do just that on a subconscious level. This has been said already, but it's really the key: communicate. All the time. Not just when there's a fight. And remember you're not only lovers, but (I'm assuming) best friends. Don't take each other for granted (that's harder the longer you live together...); neither one of you's a piece of furniture. Oh, and one last thing: it's not 'your place' or 'her place', it's going to be both of your place, and there's an inherent respect there that you both need to have. Oh, and one more last thing: make sure you both have some time and space to yourselves. You don't want to (literally) spend every waking moment together, 'cause you'll drive each other fucking nuts.
Posts: 58,682

05-02-2008, 11:10 AM	#47
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $4183447	Thank you for all the advice. I expect it to keep coming in this thread, but thanks for the thoughts. Getting my own "room"/"space" is particularly brilliant. I'll definitely keep that one in mind. Thanks for all the forewarnings, too.
Posts: 59,314

05-02-2008, 11:43 AM	#51
Demonpenz Woman should only make babies Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Apartment "G UNIT!" Casino cash: $2962136	I would advise you to move in with her first. Because if you are married it's alot tougher to get out of the marriage. This way you can see if you guys work and if you don't more fish in the sea and other girls to date. __________________
Posts: 54,298

05-02-2008, 11:48 AM	#52
Arrowhead Pride Starter Join Date: Aug 2006 Casino cash: $10004900	I'm doing the same thing Direckshun. The rules are....there are no rules. Or "correct" advice. The only thing I can say is you won't always get your way and she won't always get hers. Compromise, fight only the battles that really matter and set the example you want her to follow - do the dishes, take out the trash and pick up after yourself. Hopefully she'll follow suit. __________________ http://www.arrowheadpride.com
Posts: 319

05-02-2008, 12:05 PM	#53
beach tribe Keep doubting J MFing Houston Join Date: May 2007 Location: ft.lauderdale Casino cash: $4758036	JUST got mine out, and I could not feel better. Good luck bro. Hope your's is not the psycho mine was. From experience I would have to say that all women are a little crazy. They think way too much. Like I said good luck. It's gonna be a LONG time before I go down that road again.
Posts: 21,429

05-02-2008, 12:41 PM	#56
angelo Starter Join Date: Oct 2007 Casino cash: $9944965	1) You can try to hide your porn but she will find it. If you have anything other than a Victoria's secret catalog pitch it in the trash or you will be up all night. While she alternately sobs and screams at you about your fascination with Bridget the midget and Thai lady boy's or so I here. 2) The first time she asks you to do laundry screw it up big time ( same with making coffee) I have never been asked to do either in ten years. 3) Find one thing that you do well and tell her she never has to do it again. (except for bj's and if your really good at that then why is she moving in. I tend to fall of the couch.) 4) Have separate checking accounts 5) Keep an emergency out fund of $1500-2000 dollars secreted away (if you get married make it $5000) to get out of the relationship quickly. 6) Find a florist a have them randomly send flowers for no reason (never when you have done something wrong) 7) Make sure she has her own room for clothes 8) I have done this three times and the last one has been permanent so far. 9) On the first night as you lay in bed look deeply in her eyes and yank the covers over her head for a dutch oven. (if you haven't already) Last edited by angelo; 05-02-2008 at 01:31 PM.. Reason: Forgot the most important thing
Posts: 773

05-02-2008, 12:53 PM	#59
Hoover Rufus Dawes Jr. Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $1398179	I "do" her laundry once in a while to remind her ehy she needs to do it. Works like a charm.
Posts: 17,385