Life Personal advice sought, v. II. - Page 4

Direckshun · 11:24 PM

I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice.

The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well.

I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing.

Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it."

Well let me approach the issue from the other side.

As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal.

Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?

I mean it. **** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends ****ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening?

Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew.

Thanks in advance for the round of advice.

Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question:

Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you?

wutamess · 05-04-2009, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crashride

Stay out of it bro hes YOUR FRIEND. You only know HER because of HIM. Why are you getting so attatched and involved in their relationship? But it sounds like you made up your mind on what your gonna do.
Why do we have to explain anything to you as far as us saying "stay out of it." It speaks for itself. Your getting an overwhelming amount of people saying this because the majority have been there and know not to try to fix people. What gives you the right to take action in someone elses matter? Who do you think you are?
Does that make what hes doing right? HELL NO. But stop trying to be DR. PHIL and just focus on your life. This will all blow up in his face eventually.
Your making new threads with questions for people, who are giving you advice...AGAIN, until you hear the answer THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.

THIS!

**Buehler445** · 05-04-2009, 07:35 AM

I'm late for work, so I didn't read all this, but it depends on who you are closest to. You need to try to salvage whichever friend you are closest to.

You also need to consult your finacee. You two should probably decide as a unit how to address the issue.

Katipan · 05-04-2009, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?

Honestly, you are so wishy washy that if you were to truly be a friend you'd just bow out of everyone's lives and live as a hermit in a nice secluded forest.

**Slainte** · 05-04-2009, 07:40 AM

I would suggest staying out of it.

It's been my experience that most people--despite what they may think or say out loud--do not want to hear news of this nature from a good friend. It's surprising how many times the receiver of the bad news will often come to resent the teller moreso than the person that's wronged them. It's not logical, but it is true.

I see your situation like this: You have very little to gain and possibly very much to lose if you insist on inserting yourself into this domestic drama (although it's pretty obvious that you really want to, as others have already posted)...

Whatever you decide, good luck to all involved.

Earthling · 05-04-2009, 07:41 AM

Back away slowly from the phone...Do not say anything...

Brock · 05-04-2009, 07:41 AM

You could do it anonymously if you feel you must.

Radar Chief · 05-04-2009, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crashride

Stay out of it bro hes YOUR FRIEND. You only know HER because of HIM. Why are you getting so attatched and involved in their relationship? But it sounds like you made up your mind on what your gonna do.
Why do we have to explain anything to you as far as us saying "stay out of it." It speaks for itself. Your getting an overwhelming amount of people saying this because the majority have been there and know not to try to fix people. What gives you the right to take action in someone elses matter? Who do you think you are?
Does that make what hes doing right? HELL NO. But stop trying to be DR. PHIL and just focus on your life. This will all blow up in his face eventually.
Your making new threads with questions for people, who are giving you advice...AGAIN, until you hear the answer THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.

Yup.
Look, if you need to put yourself in the middle of your friend’s marriage go for it. You seem determined to anyway.
But know this, if you do that you’ll be loosing two friends out of the deal. He’ll hate you for being a nark and she’ll hate you for being a friend of the cheater. There is no win in this situation for you.

ForeverChiefs58 · 05-04-2009, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stumppy

Doesn't matter what the problem is or who's right and who's wrong.
The only person that ends up on the losing side of a couples problems is the 3rd party.
You can take that to the bank.

This.

**alpha_omega** · 05-04-2009, 07:53 AM

I would lean on the side of stay out of it.

However, like many have noted it sounds like you want to tell. So, if you do...make sure your evidence is 100% and be prepared for consequences.

Cormac · 05-04-2009, 07:54 AM

Without reading all the replies - don't take the consensus of the board as what you should literally do. I know people have good points to make and are trying to help, but in the end nobody understands the friendships/situation/repercussions involved for any of the parties. If you feel that you really need to talk to the husband and let him know that people know what's going on - then do it. But I would do it discreetly, without threatening him that you'll tell his wife. After all, it's still his life and he has to run it. But IMO you'd be doing him a favour by letting him know it's not a secret.

Am I right in assuming that your fiancee knows what is going on?

ForeverChiefs58 · 05-04-2009, 07:56 AM

Think about if you tell and they work it out, they will both shun you as the person who tried to break them up. Not that she won't appreciate the heads up, but you will lose out in the end when he explains everything to her and they stay together. Been there, done that. Doesn't end well for you. Good luck

**luv** · 05-04-2009, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverChiefs58

Think about if you tell and they work it out, they will both shun you as the person who tried to break them up. Not that she won't appreciate the heads up, but you will lose out in the end when he explains everything to her and they stay together. Been there, done that. Doesn't end well for you. Good luck

How is he trying to break them up? They can't work anything out if she doesn't know.

Chiefnj2 · 05-04-2009, 08:00 AM

Why is it so important for you to try to come off as the White Knight for the married lady?

**luv** · 05-04-2009, 08:03 AM

What's funny is the number of people telling him he needs to pull the hubby aside and let him know people know. That's what he asked about last time, and a majority told him he shouldn't.

**Lumpy** · 05-04-2009, 08:07 AM

What I cannot understand is how he is getting away w/ it and she's not seeing the red flags.

05-03-2009, 11:15 PM
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2073447	Personal advice sought, v. II. I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice. The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well. I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing. Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it." Well let me approach the issue from the other side. As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal. Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation? I mean it. ** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends *ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening? Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew. Thanks in advance for the round of advice. Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question: Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you? Last edited by Direckshun; 05-03-2009 at 11:24 PM..*
Posts: 59,692

05-04-2009, 07:35 AM	#47
Buehler445 Supporter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Scott City KS Casino cash: $-1445266	I'm late for work, so I didn't read all this, but it depends on who you are closest to. You need to try to salvage whichever friend you are closest to. You also need to consult your finacee. You two should probably decide as a unit how to address the issue.
Posts: 59,956

05-04-2009, 07:40 AM	#49
Slainte Please speak your mind Join Date: Feb 2006 Casino cash: $10010402	I would suggest staying out of it. It's been my experience that most people--despite what they may think or say out loud--do not want to hear news of this nature from a good friend. It's surprising how many times the receiver of the bad news will often come to resent the teller moreso than the person that's wronged them. It's not logical, but it is true. I see your situation like this: You have very little to gain and possibly very much to lose if you insist on inserting yourself into this domestic drama (although it's pretty obvious that you really want to, as others have already posted)... Whatever you decide, good luck to all involved.
Posts: 3,251

05-04-2009, 07:41 AM	#50
Earthling MVP Join Date: Apr 2001 Casino cash: $10008447	Back away slowly from the phone...Do not say anything...
Posts: 5,995

05-04-2009, 07:41 AM	#51
Brock Say hello to my little friend Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Larryville Casino cash: $9598422	You could do it anonymously if you feel you must.
Posts: 47,314

05-04-2009, 07:53 AM	#54
alpha_omega Supporter Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Liberty Casino cash: $-1640000	I would lean on the side of stay out of it. However, like many have noted it sounds like you want to tell. So, if you do...make sure your evidence is 100% and be prepared for consequences.
Posts: 17,328

05-04-2009, 07:54 AM	#55
Cormac Haley sceptic.... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: waiting it out....... Casino cash: $10004900	Without reading all the replies - don't take the consensus of the board as what you should literally do. I know people have good points to make and are trying to help, but in the end nobody understands the friendships/situation/repercussions involved for any of the parties. If you feel that you really need to talk to the husband and let him know that people know what's going on - then do it. But I would do it discreetly, without threatening him that you'll tell his wife. After all, it's still his life and he has to run it. But IMO you'd be doing him a favour by letting him know it's not a secret. Am I right in assuming that your fiancee knows what is going on?
Posts: 2,406

05-04-2009, 07:56 AM	#56
ForeverChiefs58 MVP Join Date: Mar 2009 Casino cash: $795326	Think about if you tell and they work it out, they will both shun you as the person who tried to break them up. Not that she won't appreciate the heads up, but you will lose out in the end when he explains everything to her and they stay together. Been there, done that. Doesn't end well for you. Good luck
Posts: 10,676

05-04-2009, 08:00 AM	#58
Chiefnj2 In Search of a Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Casino cash: $6664388	Why is it so important for you to try to come off as the White Knight for the married lady? __________________ Mismanaging the clock.
Posts: 22,540

05-04-2009, 08:03 AM	#59
luv You think you can get by this? Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $-1190000	What's funny is the number of people telling him he needs to pull the hubby aside and let him know people know. That's what he asked about last time, and a majority told him he shouldn't.
Posts: 63,559