Life Personal advice sought, v. II. - Page 6

Direckshun · 11:24 PM

I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice.

The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well.

I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing.

Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it."

Well let me approach the issue from the other side.

As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal.

Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?

I mean it. **** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends ****ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening?

Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew.

Thanks in advance for the round of advice.

Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question:

Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you?

**The Franchise** · 05-04-2009, 09:17 AM

Wait.....does your fiance not know what's going on?

I would stay out of it...but it sounds like you really want to do SOMETHING....so I would go talk to him and tell him that you know....and that he either needs to divorce his wife or cut the shit out.

Jilly · 05-04-2009, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Yep. There's the catch...I don't text.

Alas, we'll have to continue to kick it via the Planet.

yes, because I am NOT ABOUT to pick up the phone and actually call someone.

Katipan · 05-04-2009, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

yes, because I am NOT ABOUT to pick up the phone and actually call someone.

It's alot harder to portray yourself as a sultry intellect when you sound like a an illiterate trucker.

At least, that's my problem.

**Gonzo** · 05-04-2009, 09:25 AM

Dude's and idiot but pick which friend is more important to you and you have your answer.

There you go.

Frazod · 05-04-2009, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

It's alot harder to portray yourself as a sultry intellect when you sound like a an illiterate trucker.

At least, that's my problem.

That's okay. We don't love you for your mind.

Mile High Mania · 05-04-2009, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Dude's and idiot but pick which friend is more important to you and you have your answer.

There you go.

Excellent and to the point...

Dallas Chief · 05-04-2009, 09:37 AM

Stay out of it. Seriously. There is something inherently wrong with their relationship to begin with. It will work itself out eventually, sooner or later. It's best for you not to be in the middle of it.

**Iowanian** · 05-04-2009, 09:37 AM

It sounds like you need to just have his girlfriend over for a 3 way.

Jilly · 05-04-2009, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frazod

That's okay. We don't love you for your mind.

I do.

Katipan · 05-04-2009, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

I do.

xoxo!

Fraz has always been jealous that I got to confront a real intruder, and all he got was a refrigerator.

Frazod · 05-04-2009, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

xoxo!

Fraz has always been jealous that I got to confront a real intruder, and all he got was a refrigerator.

Chief Pote · 05-04-2009, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Peeps do bad stuff to themselves all the time, Mr. Direckshun. You can't get involved in every situation, all the time. Although I bow to your desire to be a good friend, I think this is a personal matter between two peeps and you should allow it to work itself out on its own.

Meanwhile, since you feel as you do, I wouldn't spend time with the cheater guy. I'd write him off. A man who cheats on his woman is a turd extraordinaire and undeserving of friends like you.

FAX

Good advice FAX.

Uncle_Ted · 05-04-2009, 11:56 AM

I'll echo all the people who are advising you to stay out of it, and throw in this wrinkle: I didn't read your other thread, but in this one you said that you and others have heard about his cheating through the grapevine. You need to consider the possibility that you don't know the full story. Maybe the grapevine is wrong, or maybe he was cheating on her at one time but has since ended it (maybe they are in marriage counseling right now and don't want the world to know it), or maybe there are other circumstances involved in their marriage that you aren't privy to. Unless you walked in on him boning someone else, or he told you that he did, you don't really KNOW.

You aren't hiding info from your female friend, you are refusing to meddle in their marriage by passing along gossip about her husband's activities.

And from what I've read in this thread neither the husband nor the wife are among your closest lifelong friends ... neither are so close to you that you consider them akin to family. So IMHO you don't have any "obligation" to serve as an antenna for either of them.

eazyb81 · 05-04-2009, 12:12 PM

Damn dude, shit or get off the pot already.

As everyone has already said in this thread and the previous one, you should probably stay out of it unless you are prepared for the potential consequences that could come out of it. It's unlikely the girl is going to thank you, and there's a good chance she already knows or has an idea.

Not sure if I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I encountered a similar situation a couple years ago. I saw the boyfriend of my fiancee's best friend getting down with a girl at a party during alumni week at our college (grinding, kissing, etc). We were partying at my old fraternity house, and he "myseriously" disappeared for a few hours and this girl was also nowhere to be found. About 3 AM he strolled back in the house acting like nothing happened. He's one of those guys that lies about everything anyways so I didn't even bother trying to question him, just gave him kind of an "i know" look.

Anyways, my fiancee and the dude's GF were out partying with the girls that night and they came by the house to pick us both up at around 4 AM. That night I told my fiancee about what happened, and after a long discussion she decided that she should tell her friend. Well, the girl did not take it well at all, and basically told my fiancee to mind her own business. My girl backed off, and today her friend and the loser BF are married and seem to be doing okay.

The point is that you need to understand that different people will take this type of news in different ways, and some will react negatively if they are insecure and lack self esteem. Give careful consideration to whether giving your friend this info is worth potentially losing a friendship.

wild1 · 05-04-2009, 12:16 PM

I don't understand the "stay out" arguments. Why? Just because it's the path of least resistance?

I would be so incredibly angry with any so-called friend who was covering for my cheating spouse. You're just as bad as they are, because you're complicit in the deception. You are participating in it and helping make the day of reckoning that much more painful down the road.

At the very least someone doing that would get 5 across the eyes the next time I saw him.

05-03-2009, 11:15 PM
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2073447	Personal advice sought, v. II. I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice. The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well. I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing. Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it." Well let me approach the issue from the other side. As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal. Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation? I mean it. ** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends *ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening? Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew. Thanks in advance for the round of advice. Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question: Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you? Last edited by Direckshun; 05-03-2009 at 11:24 PM..*
Posts: 59,692

05-04-2009, 09:17 AM	#76
The Franchise Most Valuable Villain Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $2065047	Wait.....does your fiance not know what's going on? I would stay out of it...but it sounds like you really want to do SOMETHING....so I would go talk to him and tell him that you know....and that he either needs to divorce his wife or cut the shit out.
Posts: 92,316

05-04-2009, 09:37 AM	#82
Dallas Chief Veteran Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Jupiter, FL. Casino cash: $-1094727	Stay out of it. Seriously. There is something inherently wrong with their relationship to begin with. It will work itself out eventually, sooner or later. It's best for you not to be in the middle of it.
Posts: 3,854

05-04-2009, 09:37 AM	#83
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1758454	It sounds like you need to just have his girlfriend over for a 3 way.
Posts: 62,936

05-04-2009, 11:56 AM	#88
Uncle_Ted We're the band! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Chicago Casino cash: $10008915	I'll echo all the people who are advising you to stay out of it, and throw in this wrinkle: I didn't read your other thread, but in this one you said that you and others have heard about his cheating through the grapevine. You need to consider the possibility that you don't know the full story. Maybe the grapevine is wrong, or maybe he was cheating on her at one time but has since ended it (maybe they are in marriage counseling right now and don't want the world to know it), or maybe there are other circumstances involved in their marriage that you aren't privy to. Unless you walked in on him boning someone else, or he told you that he did, you don't really KNOW. You aren't hiding info from your female friend, you are refusing to meddle in their marriage by passing along gossip about her husband's activities. And from what I've read in this thread neither the husband nor the wife are among your closest lifelong friends ... neither are so close to you that you consider them akin to family. So IMHO you don't have any "obligation" to serve as an antenna for either of them.
Posts: 855

05-04-2009, 12:12 PM	#89
eazyb81 The Illuminati Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: the road less traveled Casino cash: $9984900	Damn dude, shit or get off the pot already. As everyone has already said in this thread and the previous one, you should probably stay out of it unless you are prepared for the potential consequences that could come out of it. It's unlikely the girl is going to thank you, and there's a good chance she already knows or has an idea. Not sure if I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I encountered a similar situation a couple years ago. I saw the boyfriend of my fiancee's best friend getting down with a girl at a party during alumni week at our college (grinding, kissing, etc). We were partying at my old fraternity house, and he "myseriously" disappeared for a few hours and this girl was also nowhere to be found. About 3 AM he strolled back in the house acting like nothing happened. He's one of those guys that lies about everything anyways so I didn't even bother trying to question him, just gave him kind of an "i know" look. Anyways, my fiancee and the dude's GF were out partying with the girls that night and they came by the house to pick us both up at around 4 AM. That night I told my fiancee about what happened, and after a long discussion she decided that she should tell her friend. Well, the girl did not take it well at all, and basically told my fiancee to mind her own business. My girl backed off, and today her friend and the loser BF are married and seem to be doing okay. The point is that you need to understand that different people will take this type of news in different ways, and some will react negatively if they are insecure and lack self esteem. Give careful consideration to whether giving your friend this info is worth potentially losing a friendship.
Posts: 12,033

05-04-2009, 12:16 PM	#90
wild1 MVP Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: 31040 Casino cash: $10004900	I don't understand the "stay out" arguments. Why? Just because it's the path of least resistance? I would be so incredibly angry with any so-called friend who was covering for my cheating spouse. You're just as bad as they are, because you're complicit in the deception. You are participating in it and helping make the day of reckoning that much more painful down the road. At the very least someone doing that would get 5 across the eyes the next time I saw him.
Posts: 6,935