This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[gblowfish]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Walker? I barely know her!

A resident of a Florida retirement community was allegedly caught having sex outside with her younger lover on June 2, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Margaret Ann Klemm, 68, and David Bobilya, 49, were charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct after being allegedly caught sans pants in the "square" of The Villages in Sumter County. The Village is known as "Florida's friendliest retirement hometown."

Klemm was also allegedly without a shirt, and officials say they both appeared intoxicated.

Margot Harris, a sex columnist at Brown University, told HuffPost in April that she believed the desire to have sex in public likely fades as people get older. Apparently, she was wrong.

Seriously, just because you're a senior citizen doesn't mean you don't want to try new things in bed. In fact, in February a 72-year-old man allegedly got the cops called on him by his wife because he asked her to "hook up with his sisters."

Grandma's going to the big house for bumpin uglies in the retirement home:


A married grandma of 14 faces six months behind bars after she had public sex with a man who was not her husband at a public pavilion in Florida.

Peggy Klemm, 68, and her 49-year-old copulation co-conspirator, David Bobilya, were sentenced Wednesday after their romp at Lake Sumter Landing Market Square, Click Orlando reports. Apparently, a retirement community there called The Villages, which houses 100,000 people, is known for its wild nights, $3.75 cocktails and public sex.

Klemm likely got arrested because she was on probation for a previous reckless driving charge, the Daily Mail reports. She was slapped with six months in jail when she took a plea deal for the public sex.

Klemm and Bobilya were caught with their pants around their ankles having sex against the Bait Shack hut at 10:30 p.m. on June 12.

She stood in front of a judge on Wednesday and mouthed "I love you" to her husband of 50 years, Frank Klemm, who stood beside her despite the philandery.

"She is a super woman as far as I'm concerned," he told Click Orlando. "And she deserves a second chance. That's all I have to say."

She apologized through tears as she walked out of court. She'll get credit for time served and has 135 days left to her sentence. Bobilya is also serving a six-month sentence.

And when she gets out, there's a drink waiting for her. The Daily Mail reports that the Red Sauce bar in the retirement community is making bank with their new cocktail, Sex on the Square. It's a rum, coconut and cream delight, with a cherry on top, and it costs $3.75.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

[Halfcan]

Klemm and Bobilya were caught with their pants around their ankles having sex against the Bait Shack hut at 10:30 p.m. on June 12.

classy

[Coochie liquor]

The Villages is like a retirement area for swingers I think. Years ago there was vs going all over that place cuz the men were banging pristitutes, and their wives were catching it and spreading it to other men in The Villages.....

[Al Bundy]

FWIW I would like to have sexual relations with Kala Rama in the gazebo.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Coochie liquor

The Villages is like a retirement area for swingers I think. Years ago there was vs going all over that place cuz the men were banging pristitutes, and their wives were catching it and spreading it to other men in The Villages.....

The Villages is just a 55+ retirement community. 60K+ in the community. They have a 80% turnout for elections. I'm sure there are swingers but its mainly retirement going on in there. Every presidential candidate will stop and make a speech in the Villages. Paseo county, now thats where the nudits and swinger community's are located.

[gblowfish]

A Port Orange, Florida woman attacked and burglarized her own grandmother to get money for a hotel room, police say.

Brigitte Matzke, 25, and her husband, 26-year-old Alex Caldwell, were arrested Monday shortly after the alleged attack, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Police responded to a 911 call reporting screaming and banging coming from the house. They found the 84-year-old alleged victim, Aida Matzke sitting on her stoop crying.

Investigators say that at about 9:40 p.m., Brigitte Matzke and her husband went to her grandmother's home and demanded $80 to spend the night at a hotel. Matzke allegedly grabbed her grandma, ripped off her bra, twisted her wrists and stole jewelryafter her grandmother refused to give her money, WPTV reports.

When Aida Matzke tried to call 911, her granddaughter ripped the landline phone out of the wall and threw it at her.

The suspects fled with $1,900 in stolen items including jewelry and a cellphone.

Shortly after midnight, a local deputy spotted the pair's car at a gas station in South Daytona. Caldwell was removed from the vehicle and arrested. Matzke was located hiding in the men's bathroom of the gas station.

They were both charged with assault and battery, false imprisonment, grand theft, possession of methamphetamine and threatening a witness.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...&ir=Weird+News

[Halfcan]

Wow that face!!

Scroll through the Horror's of Meth picture album- nasty stuff.

[Coochie liquor]

Originally Posted by Halfcan

Wow that face!!

Scroll through the Horror's of Meth picture album- nasty stuff.

Meth is a mother ****er! And that female pic in the article is horrendous! If she looks like that I'd hate to see what her husband looks like!

[Al Bundy]

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/cops-wo...ref_map=%5B%5D

Cops: Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Her Privates
March 11, 2010
By MATT GUTMAN
MATT GUTMAN More From Matt »
Correspondent

PHOTO Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle.
Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle. Handout
Internet punsters are celebrating Megan Barnes as Florida's "Pubic Enemy," others are chattering about her "razor sharp focus."

The 37-year-old Barnes catapulted to instant fame for an alleged multi-tasking mash-up that earned the bottle-blonde's mug shot a spot on hundreds of Web sites.

According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

'If I Wasn't There, I Wouldn't Have Believed It'

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Dunick told the Key West Citizen.

It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.
Yes, her ex-husband.

Their tag-team driving went awry when an SUV driving in front of them slowed to turn. Barnes' 1995 Thunderbird smashed into it. Two of the SUV's passengers suffered minor injuries, police say. Barnes shouldn't have been driving that Thunderbird, since she had been convicted the previous day for driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.

According to the arrest report, it was the sixth time her license had been suspended.

After the accident, Barnes and Judy drove off, police say. The Thunderbird limped a few hundred yards before the couple switched seats. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick told the Citizen. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?'"

But the attempt to claim that Judy, not Barnes, was driving was also doomed. Judy had visible burns on his chest he claimed came from the exploding airbag, but only the passenger side airbag deployed, according to the police report.

So Dunick charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

According to the arrest affidavit, the trooper asked her afterward why she didn't hit the brakes when she saw the SUV. She answered bluntly, "I told you, I was shaving."

"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it," Dunick told the Citizen.

"About 10 years ago, I stopped a guy in the exact same spot... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

[GloryDayz]

Hang up the razor and drive???

Originally Posted by Al Bundy

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/cops-wo...ref_map=%5B%5D

Cops: Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Her Privates
March 11, 2010
By MATT GUTMAN
MATT GUTMAN More From Matt »
Correspondent

PHOTO Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle.
Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle. Handout
Internet punsters are celebrating Megan Barnes as Florida's "Pubic Enemy," others are chattering about her "razor sharp focus."

The 37-year-old Barnes catapulted to instant fame for an alleged multi-tasking mash-up that earned the bottle-blonde's mug shot a spot on hundreds of Web sites.

According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

'If I Wasn't There, I Wouldn't Have Believed It'

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Dunick told the Key West Citizen.

It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.
Yes, her ex-husband.

Their tag-team driving went awry when an SUV driving in front of them slowed to turn. Barnes' 1995 Thunderbird smashed into it. Two of the SUV's passengers suffered minor injuries, police say. Barnes shouldn't have been driving that Thunderbird, since she had been convicted the previous day for driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.

According to the arrest report, it was the sixth time her license had been suspended.

After the accident, Barnes and Judy drove off, police say. The Thunderbird limped a few hundred yards before the couple switched seats. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick told the Citizen. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?'"

But the attempt to claim that Judy, not Barnes, was driving was also doomed. Judy had visible burns on his chest he claimed came from the exploding airbag, but only the passenger side airbag deployed, according to the police report.

So Dunick charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

According to the arrest affidavit, the trooper asked her afterward why she didn't hit the brakes when she saw the SUV. She answered bluntly, "I told you, I was shaving."

"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it," Dunick told the Citizen.

"About 10 years ago, I stopped a guy in the exact same spot... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

[Dave Lane]

Would not. Shes obviously not very sharp.

[Eleazar]

Hah. I got pulled over once for using an electric razor while driving - using it on my face, that is. I was like 22 or 23.

[BigRedChief]

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant

St. Petersburg police recently arrested a prowler who they say tried to fight a fire hydrant before he was taken into custody.


Police said they arrested Jeffrey Paul McKenna, 34, after he was seen peeking into windows of homes in the 4800 block of Third Avenue N in St. Petersburg on Aug. 14.

Police were called and when officers arrived, McKenna told them he was looking for "Tony" and "wanted to go with the back up officer and smoke and be back in 20 minutes," an officer wrote in an arrest report.

"He was also acting like he was going to fight the fire hydrant in front of him prior to being taken into custody," the officer wrote.

The report does not indicate if McKenna — or the fire hydrant — landed any blows.

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant 08/18/14 [Last modified: Monday, August 18, 2014 9:40pm]

[BlackHelicopters]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant

St. Petersburg police recently arrested a prowler who they say tried to fight a fire hydrant before he was taken into custody.


Police said they arrested Jeffrey Paul McKenna, 34, after he was seen peeking into windows of homes in the 4800 block of Third Avenue N in St. Petersburg on Aug. 14.

Police were called and when officers arrived, McKenna told them he was looking for "Tony" and "wanted to go with the back up officer and smoke and be back in 20 minutes," an officer wrote in an arrest report.

"He was also acting like he was going to fight the fire hydrant in front of him prior to being taken into custody," the officer wrote.

The report does not indicate if McKenna — or the fire hydrant — landed any blows.

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant 08/18/14 [Last modified: Monday, August 18, 2014 9:40pm]

Meth is a horrible drug.

[gblowfish]

The Satanic Temple has responded to an Orange County, Florida decision to disseminate religious materials in public school by creating complementary materials that espouse the philosophy and practice of Satanism.

Last month, a Florida judge ruled that if the Orange County school district allowed Christian groups to disseminate Bibles and Christian-oriented religious materials in its schools, it would also have to allow atheist groups to do the same.

David Williamson of the Central Florida Free Thought Community — who recently fought against Brevard County’s attempt to ban atheists from offering invocations at public meetings — sued the district over its initial unwillingness to allow atheist literature with titles like “Jesus Is Dead” and “Why I Am Not a Muslim” in the schools.

A judge dismissed that case after the school board decided to allow the materials.

The Satanic Temple took advantage of this decision, deciding to flood Orange County schools with a pamphlet entitled The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities that contains kid-friendly Satanic lessons.

“These bullies are mad and afraid of things they don’t understand,” the instructions on the word-jumble reads. “Help Damian use inclusive language to defuse the situation.

The spokesman for the Satanic Temple, Lucien Greaves, explained that his organization “would never seek to establish a precedent of disseminating our religious materials in public schools because we believe our constitutional values are better served by respecting a strong separation of Church and State.”

“However,” he continued, “if a public school board is going to allow religious pamphlets and full Bibles to be distributed to students — as is the case in Orange County, Florida — we think the responsible thing to do is to ensure that these students are given access to a variety of differing religious opinions, as opposed to standing idly by while one religious voice dominates the discourse and delivers propaganda to youth.”

The Satanic Temple made headlines earlier this year when it successfully petitioned the state of Oklahoma to allow it to erect a goat-headed Baphomet statue adjacent to a display of the Ten Commandments.
Greaves made it clear that, in both cases, his organization is only responding to provocations by the Christian community.

““Even as we prefer public policies respecting secularism, we feel that opportunities — such as this — to establish an equal voice for contrasting religious opinions in the public square, tend to favor marginalized, lesser-known, and alternative religions,” he said.

“I am quite certain that all of the children in these Florida schools are already aware of the Christian religion and it’s Bible, and this might be the first exposure these children have to the actual practice of Satanism. We think many students will be very curious to see what we offer.”

Link: http://tinyurl.com/m2cqhvc