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View Poll Results: Who wins?
Detoxing 31 50.00%
canoworms 31 50.00%
Voters: 62. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-10-2018, 08:21 AM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 18 - Detoxing versus canoworms

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - A coastal beach
Starting Distance - 81 feet

Detoxing

Main Weapon - Two fist-sized rocks, one of which has a slightly sharp edge
Backup Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars

Prep Time - 14 seconds
Special Factors - None

canoworms

Main Weapon - The thigh bone of a large ape
Backup Weapon - BB gun with 50 BBs, each of which is coated with enough poison to slow a person down by 4 percentage points

Prep Time - 9 Minutes
Special Factors - You're wearing an eye patch on your right eye, which you can't remove
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:21 AM   #31
ChiliConCarnage ChiliConCarnage is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detoxing View Post
I emerge from the ocean water, my pecs and perfect abs glistening in the sun while all the ladies turn their attention to me. I do a slow hero walk onto the sand, cool....calm....ready to unleash the beast.

But then he sees me and my magnificent body
Canoworms - are you gay?
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:28 AM   #32
Beef Supreme Beef Supreme is offline
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Originally Posted by Dartgod View Post
I need to know if canoworms is right-eye or left-eye dominant
Yeah, actually, that's no shit. I'm left eye dominant, but right handed. I shoot right handed, but I could manage just fine using my left eye to aim.


The question then is wtf is Rainman talking about when he says the thing under the trigger of the thing or whatever. A Red Ryder lever action BB gun is pictured. Fill it up with BBs. Shoot, cock the lever, repeat. Poison 100% applied.
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Old 07-10-2018, 01:33 PM   #33
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detoxing View Post
Look guys, you're not thinking clearly. This is how this goes down:

I emerge from the ocean water, my pecs and perfect abs glistening in the sun while all the ladies turn their attention to me. I do a slow hero walk onto the sand, cool....calm....ready to unleash the beast.

Canoworms takes his flippy-floppies off, but he's not a beach guy, so he starts doing the hot-foot dance and the heat from the sand burns his sensitive little non-beach girly feet, distracting him.

But then he sees me and my magnificent body and immediately tries to shoot at me, but he has an eye patch therefore can't shoot worth a shit. His aim is way off as i charge at him. I start dodging pellets Matrix style. Sure, a few hit me, but not enough to matter because i'm naturally faster than Canoworms anyway.

I toss a jagged edge rock and take out another eye, now he can't see at all. I leap into the air and come crashing down with a superman punch. BAM! Rock straight to the face.

Now he's dazed and i continuously pummel him with the blunt rock until his head ceases to exist. The women cheer, lift me up and carry me to go get soft serve. The end.

That's how it happens, boys. Don't fool yourselves into thinking otherwise.
This guy lobbies well.
I need to know if you have a threesome with the women that are cheering and carrying you off for soft serve before I decide.

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Old 07-10-2018, 01:48 PM   #34
Why Not? Why Not? is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detoxing View Post
You know how you can tell i won this fight?

Canoworms isn't even here. Because he's dead. Because i killed him. On the beach. With rocks.
There is something to be said for one of the competitors making compelling arguments while there is crickets from the other competitor
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Old 07-10-2018, 01:50 PM   #35
Detoxing Detoxing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graystoke View Post
This guy lobbies well.
I need to know if you have a threesome with the women that are cheering and carrying you off for soft serve before I decide.

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Not only did i have the threesome, but then i posted it on Xhamster with Chiefsplanet tags.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:39 PM   #36
Buehler445 Buehler445 is online now
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This ones really a tossup. I’ll go detoxing because he made me laugh.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:41 PM   #37
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Detox's will to win in this thread has convinced me.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:47 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimBone View Post
Detox's will to win in this thread has convinced me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buehler445 View Post
This ones really a tossup. Iíll go detoxing because he made me laugh.
Yep, I'd really like to know if canoworms is left-eye dominate, because if he is, then the eye patch is a non-factor.

He hasn't been around to defend himself, so he is dead.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:49 PM   #39
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detoxing View Post
Not only did i have the threesome, but then i posted it on Xhamster with Chiefsplanet tags.
We have a WINNER
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:53 PM   #40
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The thigh bone is a brutal tool. I like it better than rocks in hand to hand combat.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:58 PM   #41
Detoxing Detoxing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buehler445 View Post
This ones really a tossup. Iíll go detoxing because he made me laugh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimBone View Post
Detox's will to win in this thread has convinced me.
That's right boys!

EAT LIGHTNING AND SHIT THUNDER.

We're in it to win. We've narrowed the gap while Canoworms cowers at the mere thought of entering this thread.
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:01 PM   #42
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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This is the most even fight to date.

If you placed all of the weapons on a table and told me to choose, I'd grab that Monkey leg and swing it like a roided up Mark McGuire.
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:03 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pablo View Post
The thigh bone is a brutal tool. I like it better than rocks in hand to hand combat.
The internet tells me a gorilla's femur is about 15" long. That's not a huge reach advantage. The rocks, however, are much more dense, dual wielding, and one even has a sharp edge. Add in canoworms' eye patch and it's a pretty easy choice for me. The ranged weapons will have little to no effect.
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:07 PM   #44
Detoxing Detoxing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kysirsoze View Post
The internet tells me a gorilla's femur is about 15" long. That's not a huge reach advantage. The rocks, however, are much more dense, dual wielding, and one even has a sharp edge. Add in canoworms' eye patch and it's a pretty easy choice for me. The ranged weapons will have little to no effect.
See this guy gets it.

And honestly, it's a guerilla bone, which means who ever wields it will likely catch some sort of disease.

So factor that in. Canoworms likely has to fight me with a severe case of Gono-aids, which will weaken him.
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Old 07-10-2018, 03:09 PM   #45
Detoxing Detoxing is offline
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Guys, you can vote Canoworms and be completely WRONG about all the things....

Or you can vote me, be right, and be part of the greatest come back in Chiefsplanet Gladiator history.

I know what a winner would say...
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