Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Jim Jones]

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

She needs to run as far from you as she can get, as fast as she can get there. You're never going to be worth the maintenance no matter how much dick or wallet you think you're slinging.

Hell, yes. Confront her. Give her a fighting chance to save herself before it's too late.

This.

[ROYC75]

Originally Posted by Micjones

Do two things:
1. Say nothing.
2. Stop reading her text messages.

I'm not going to be condescending about you having done that. I've done both and I can tell you that confronting her will not end well. I also think it's ultimately unnecessary to continuing an otherwise happy relationship. We'd ALL be mortified by our partners' most private thoughts. Which is precisely why we shouldn't have access to them. So long as she's kind to your family, does it matter that she isn't fond of your mom's cooking? I mean, most people put on airs to go along with less than pleasant interactions with family.

She'll never get past you invading her privacy in the first place. You'll be angry that she won't set her feelings aside to address yours. The two of you will talk AT each other and your relationship may pay the ultimate price.

LET. IT. GO.

Either you do this and work yourself through this .........

or you confront her and leave your relationship with a 90% chance of crashing. When you confront trust issues, they generally turn bad now and stay this way. Very few couples ever make it when this happens.


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[jspchief]

Originally Posted by soopamanluva

And please believe if it was reversed, she'd have no problem calling him out.

I didn't realize you knew her. I'll defer to your expertise.

[Omaha]

I didn't read the whole thread. Did anyone suggest PIIHB yet?

[DaKCMan AP]

Originally Posted by Omaha

I didn't read the whole thread. Did anyone suggest PIIHB yet?

Originally Posted by DaKCMan AP

Bang her - then confront her.

If she's not insane she won't put up with your invasion of privacy, but it's a conversation you need to have nonetheless.

Close.

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by FAX

Wow.

I don't know what to say ... and that is pretty unusual for me ... so I'll say this.

I can't fathom a good reason to maintain a relationship with someone who is not truthful. I can see why some guys might marry some deceitful hag, of course ... they want companionship of any sort, someone to make their sammiches, and it may make getting laid a little more convenient sometimes (all completely stupid reasons to get married, by the way).

But, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when I would have preferred the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX had lied to me. Since I've known her, she never has and I would have found out by now, for certain. And, if she ever did, as much as it would hurt, that would be the last conversation we ever shared and the last she saw of me would be through my car exhaust. First off, it would break our solemn and mutual promise to each other and secondly, I couldn't live with somebody who thought it was acceptable to lie to me about ... well ... about anything, really. I mean, what's the point?

How could you stand to be around that person? Let alone hold affection for them?

I feel for you guys if that's what you have come to believe ... that all women lie and none can be completely open and honest. Whether it's true or not in your experience, that has to be a damn difficult way to co-exist with a person.

FAX

Exactly

[Imon Yourside]

Your wife should be your best friend, you obviously had good reason not to trust her. I would confront her pronto and not let it slide. Keeping this stuff inside is what creates roadblocks in your relationship, it will sink or swim accordingly.

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by ROYC75

Either you do this and work yourself through this .........

or you confront her and leave your relationship with a 90% chance of crashing. When you confront trust issues, they generally turn bad now and stay this way. Very few couples ever make it when this happens.


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That was a bold statement...

[boogblaster]

its a classic .. do what ya want but id tell her i know you dont like my family .. so what they prolly dont like you .....

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by qbsacker93

If you confront her, just realize the relationship might never be the same. She will pull the trust card on you for checking her texts. If you can outweigh the pros over the cons between you two, I would just move on from it.

The relationship is already not going to be the same.

once seen things can't be unseen

he's just seen that his woman can be a fake bitch.


Now i would suggest that a large percentage of all women are like this but they can't ever let you see or it just changes things.

I'm not sure that the relationship isn't already over

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN

Your wife should be your best friend, you obviously had good reason not to trust her. I would confront her pronto and not let it slide. Keeping this stuff inside is what creates roadblocks in your relationship, it will sink or swim accordingly.

I'd like to know what this reason was.

In the OP he says he's paranoid from past relationships...

Is that a good reason?

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by Laz

The relationship is already not going to be the same.

once seen things can't be unseen

he's just seen that his woman can be a fake bitch.


Now i would suggest that a large percentage of all women are like this but they can't even let you see or it just changes things.

I'm not sure that the relationship isn't already over

I'm sure if you were around in-laws you didn't like you would barge in saying, "I ****ing hate you lazy, annoying, terrible cooking, white trash red necks!".... because you aren't "fake."

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.

Interesting fix of his posts......I found yours odd.

Trust me....the guy probably already knows the issues his family has, and to some extent might even agree with most of it. But for her to be deceitful about it portends a bigger issue, and one that will rear it's ugly head somewhere later. You can candy-coat it all you want but if she is lying about how she feels about the family, then she is probably lying about other things too.

[KurtCobain]

never shoulda read those f****** messages

[Saul Good]

So much bad advice in this thread...