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Old 12-24-2012, 12:52 AM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?
I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:48 AM   #106
Gonzo Gonzo is offline
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I see three strikes in this relationship already...
Trust issues, lying and she hates your family.

You have your work cut out for you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:48 AM   #107
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I think you messed up reading her text messages in the first place. That's real shady stuff and should honestly never happen. So no matter what you're going to lose here.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:48 AM   #108
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Yeah you have to hash this out now. What are the big 3 in divorce?

Money, Sex & In-laws? You already have a problem with one of those right now. Better get that out in the open now. It'll only come back to be an issue down the road if you don't.

I had an issue similar to me once happen years ago where my then girlfriend checked out an email I once had. She was in the wrong for doing so but I was also in the wrong for being the way I was. In the end, it was a painful process but we made it through and are happily married today. Looking back, I'm glad we got everything out in the open.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:49 AM   #109
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If she can act like that in front of your family, how will you know if anything is genuine between the two of you?

Oh, and privacy in a marriage, that's hilarious. Water is wet, women are nosy. My wife used to check my phone all of the time, I just gave her shit about it (in a fun way). When you have nothing to hide, it's not a big deal.

Be prepared for a huge fight, but would you rather have everything on the table before marriage or wait until it will be 100x worse?
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:49 AM   #110
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:51 AM   #111
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:04 AM   #112
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by notorious View Post
If she can act like that in front of your family, how will you know if anything is genuine between the two of you?

Oh, and privacy in a marriage, that's hilarious. Water is wet, women are nosy. My wife used to check my phone all of the time, I just gave her shit about it (in a fun way). When you have nothing to hide, it's not a big deal.

Be prepared for a huge fight, but would you rather have everything on the table before marriage or wait until it will be 100x worse?
Seriously. They're engaged. You think she's never checked his shit out? Dollars to doughnuts...
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:08 AM   #113
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Seriously. They're engaged. You think she's never checked his shit out? Dollars to doughnuts...
No kidding.

It's human nature, though. Some people are worse than others.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:13 AM   #114
cabletech94 cabletech94 is offline
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i know someone already posted "pics or gtfo".

but seriously, does she have a great rack, and i mean a huuuuuuuge rack?

or does she have a fantastic turd-cutter? it's gotta be something fantastic, or you've basically done a lot of work for nothing. soooooo? pics or gtfo, already!!!!
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:13 AM   #115
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I don't think he shared the "vicious" things she said about his family, probably because it was somewhat embarrassing. But I'll trust the OP that vicious, means vicious. And even still, yeah, talking shit about a family that has been nothing but sweet, and lovable to you is definitely a sin in my books.
Not to be mean or anything ... just overly rational ... but how do we know that his family isn't a freaking pack of ogres? They could eat out of troughs and fart at the dinner table. She's nice to their faces out of fear that they will kill her and make soup from her bones and the only people with whom she can confide are her own family? How do we know that isn't the case?

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Old 12-24-2012, 08:14 AM   #116
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Not to be mean or anything ... just overly rational ... but how do we know that his family isn't a freaking pack of ogres? They could eat out of troughs and fart at the dinner table. She's nice to their faces out of fear that they will kill her and make soup from her bones and the only people with whom she can confide are her own family? How do we know that isn't the case?

FAX
they might have big tittahs?
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:18 AM   #117
ncCHIEFfan ncCHIEFfan is offline
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I don't know you personally so please don't take this personal. I have had a few dig into my privacy as well. ONLY my wife is allowed! But the bottom line....no matter who it is, if you are willing to go behind another's back to get info on them it's because you don't trust them or your trying to get the upper hand either way... Relationship FAIL!!

First...you ate the apple! and now that you see you have to make a choice. You invaded another's privacy ( things are private for a reason).

You're not married. What gives you the right? She is just like any other, weighing the pros and cons of the facts before marring into your family. Were her comments true? Or just snobby ( I am better than you ) lies?

So now the question is why did you go behind her back and read the text? And what are you going to do about this new info?

Second.....If you think what you done was ummm....WRONG maybe you could try this.

" Babe, how do you see my family? What do you think of them?" Get a fill for her honesty. Perhaps she would tell you.

Either way, trying to have a relationship while going behind someones back is just not good!
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:24 AM   #118
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Then say " you deserved that "
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:27 AM   #119
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Maybe she talks shit on your family to her family so her family doesn't feel so bad that you are not coming there but instead your going to your family.

Don't snoop if you don't want to know the truth.

Pro Tip. Women lie

I would recommend getting it on prior to bringing this up unless you think makeup sex is better

Good luck
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:28 AM   #120
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