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Old 02-27-2011, 02:25 PM  
J Diddy J Diddy is offline
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Parenting question
I've got an 8 year old son who's literally out of flipping control. I'm talking if he doesn't get his way holes kicked in walls destruction of property, etc. Picking up cussing and flipping people off. I'm trying to keep my cool but it's getting progressively worse. Grounding doesn't work, spanking illicits a physical response by him as well. I don't want to hurt this kid, but I cannot let anyone waylay me.

If you have any advice please hit me up, because I can't continue like this.
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:52 PM   #46
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My mistake was pulling a pocket knife on Bugs & Ray Rankin. Next day I was in a child's hospital having every test known to man run on me. 10 days I was there. Then came the shrinks & the meds. all i needed was sports.
Sorry Bugs. But i hated Ray,he was a god dam bully
PS Elvis died why i was in that hospital
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:53 PM   #47
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Besides counseling to see what they think. Find something you guys can do together. Whether that's sports, building models,music, etc. Anything that can open a dialog between you two as well as keep his mind active.

My brother in law had a lot of the issues you're describing. My mother in law had him see a Dr. and refused to give him ritalin. However she put him in more advanced classes and skipped him a few grades in school at the age of 10. He calmed down, did very well in class and graduated at the head of his class in HS at 14.
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:55 PM   #48
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Definitely sounds like an adjustment issue. He lived with his mom for seven years? I can't imagine she's always said good things about you or taught him to show a parent any kind of respect, where his teachers probably have, as well as being a symbol of some sort of stability/routine. It could be as easy as setting up a daily routine with him. Set boundaries, let him know the consequences of crossing those boundaries, and stick with it. Of course, if he doesn't respect you, the adjustment may be quite difficult.
Forgot to mention that. If he's not having issues like that at school. He does/can respect structure/authority figures.
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:56 PM   #49
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Find out what's important to him and take it away.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:00 PM   #50
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Like Floppy, I have to have a giant "I DON'T HAVE KIDS" disclaimer here, but I always think it's important to consider that not all "reinforcement" has to be negative. Positive reinforcement can be an effective tool as well.
So true. I was one who responded better to positive reinforcement, because I always punished myself more than my parents could. I'm not a parent, and probably never will be. Not that I don't love kids. I just know I don't have the self-discipline required. I have a friend who is a single mom that says it tends to come once you have kids. I don't know. I've seen enough parents who don't have it to make me question myself.

Anyway, anything I say is definitely from observations as opposed to experience as well. My nephew is on meds. Has been since he was about 5. Kills my mom. She doesn't think he's got ADHD. She thinks his parents lack the discipline to discipline. She used to make my nephew sit down with her to look at books as she read them. His parents never did that. To this day, she's never had a problem with him listening to her.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:00 PM   #51
R8RFAN R8RFAN is offline
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Originally Posted by MotherLover View Post
I've got an 8 year old son who's literally out of flipping control. I'm talking if he doesn't get his way holes kicked in walls destruction of property, etc. Picking up cussing and flipping people off. I'm trying to keep my cool but it's getting progressively worse. Grounding doesn't work, spanking illicits a physical response by him as well. I don't want to hurt this kid, but I cannot let anyone waylay me.

If you have any advice please hit me up, because I can't continue like this.
Military school
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:02 PM   #52
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Martial arts is good too, he takes that attitude in there and he will get his ass kicked by his own size people.... Probably would help him alot.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:03 PM   #53
LiveSteam LiveSteam is offline
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Martial arts is good too, he takes that attitude in there and he will get his ass kicked by his own size people.... Probably would help him alot.
I agree 100% with this.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:03 PM   #54
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Uh...leave a out a bowl of antifreeze?
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:05 PM   #55
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Martial arts is good too, he takes that attitude in there and he will get his ass kicked by his own size people.... Probably would help him alot.
Here's why I don't agree.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:11 PM   #56
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Might look to see if there are any Positive Behavioral Supports professionals in your area.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:12 PM   #57
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:13 PM   #58
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Unfortunately, some children are simply aggressive, violent, little midgets. No one knows exactly why, they are just born that way.

The closest experience I can draw upon is a "great nephew" adopted by the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX's niece. He is 7 years-old and was the second child of two, trailor-trash, drug-addicted, alcoholic morons who eventually divorced allowing the court to distribute their children among willing relatives.

This little feller was recently diagnosed with "pre-schizophrenia" after stabbing both his fellow classmate and his teacher with a pencil. This is the kind of early onset disease that, left untreated, can lead people to kill small animals, set birds on fire, and murder their parents in their sleep.

Interestingly, childhood schizophrenia is not necessarily uncommon. It is, however, rarely diagnosed and can often be misdiagnosed as bi-polar disorder, ADHD, autism, or Asperger's.

Obviously, your child may not be suffering from pre-schizophrenia or anything of the kind. It could be a thyroid condition or pituitary problem or (if he acts out mainly when told "no", he could be bi-polar) or, as Mr. DaFace suggests, he might just be pissed off a lot. Still, the behavior you cite in the OP is telling. Plus, do you want to risk ignoring a problem that is treatable?

Here's what you do (in my opinion only, of course); 1) Start a journal of your child's activities and specifically his aberrant behavior (this is important). 2) Take him to your regular pediatrician and discuss options. You may wish to have MRIs or EEGs conducted at that point to check for verifiable seizure disorders ... or rule them out. Blood tests can help identify other potential problems like thyroid conditions, etc. 3) If the problem is not "physical", your pediatrician can refer you to a child psychiatrist. These guys can be great or they can suck. But you have to sort through the chaff to find the wheat. You're looking for someone you trust. A diagnosis of some sort of psychological disorder will lead to a treatment plan that will likely include drugs and a lot of trial and error trying to find the right medication, mix, and dosage that minimizes symptoms. 4) If a disorder of some kind is diagnosed, find a support network of other parents dealing with the same issue and get involved. They're out there. 5) If it is a mental or psychological problem, keep love in your heart and remember that it's a lifelong fight so be patient.

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Old 02-27-2011, 04:23 PM   #59
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When I was a kid, I was an incredibly difficult child. At one point, my parents installed a lock on the outside of my door because they couldn't control me, my reaction to which was throwing toys at the door. Once upon a time, I chased my brother down (10 years older) with a hammer when he pissed me off and beat the shit out of the door to his bedroom.

My mom would tell you that my issue was a communication problem. Not at all trying to brag, but I was a damn smart kid, and I had a lot of trouble communicating with people, including my parents. When they didn't understand (and agree with) me, I'd get pissed off. Once I got over that, I calmed down a ton. I was actually a really good kid in high school.

Anyway, I mostly just grew out of it. No therapy, no drugs. But I'm sure there are things that a true professional could have done that would have made things better for a while. So I guess this post isn't so much advice as it is meant to give you hope that things'll be fine in the long run. Good luck, man.
This is probably it. The kid is frustrated that MotherLover is such a moron that he can't communicate without beating his chest and grunting.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:28 PM   #60
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Find out what's important to him and take it away.
This is very good, Clay. I expected you to have responded to a parenting thread, of course. What I didn't expect is that you would answer so well.

Identifying the child's currency can be more difficult than you would anticipate though.
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