Chiefs Sam Mellinger | Hold your nose when Chiefs play

**Tribal Warfare** · 11-01-2012, 10:39 PM

Sam Mellinger | Hold your nose when Chiefs play
By SAM MELLINGER
The Kansas City Star
Keep in mind the Chargers stink too, guys. Their quarterback turns it over too much, their roster is declining and their coach will probably soon be fired. But the Chargers’ is a more conventional brand of stink.

The NFL smells the Chargers’ kind of stink all the time, and it’s a significant stink. But by now we all know there is no stink like the Chiefs’ brand of stink. We’re part of history here, you know: An up-close look at the kind of relentless, tenacious, opening-kickoff-to-final-whistle, never-take-a-snap-off stink against which all future generations of terrible teams will be judged.

This fireable offense of a Chiefs season made its prime-time debut, every misstep and fumble and failure of a 31-13 loss here to the (not as) sorry Chargers broadcast in high-definition to what we can only assume was a bored national audience.

The only drama left is whether the Chiefs will ever hold a lead while they take a snap this season, and when owner Clark Hunt will break his silence to fire the coach who’s overmatched and the general manager who obsesses over everything but quarterbacks.

Sickening and disgusting. The Chiefs are clearly not gladiators.

You surely know the incredible fact that has come to define this group of underachieving, badly coached, and micromanaged losers: They haven’t held a lead in any part of their first eight games, the first team to be so thoroughly overmatched since 1929.

That’s nineteen-twenty-nine — the year of the (original) stock market crash. To give you an idea, in 1929, the NFL included teams in Frankford, Pa.; Staten Island, N.Y.; and Dayton, Ohio.

This is such an achievement of incompetence that it is at once both stunning and unfathomable. Even the 0-16 Lions of 2008 managed a few leads. Actually, by this point in their season, the Lions had led in four games — three in the fourth quarter.

To do what the Chiefs are doing requires a conspiracy of unpreparedness, ineffectiveness and whatever is the complete opposite of surgical focus — stoner focus, maybe.

You have to do things like be outscored 61-6 in the first quarter — a pretty good sign the coaches are in over their heads — while still being able to channel your substantial failures at just the wrong times.

You need a quarterback like Matt Cassel, in other words, who can fumble the snap at the goal line with your team threatening to take a lead against the Ravens. You need punt returners like Javier Arenas, too, who can whiff an easy catch at just the right time to throw momentum over to the other side against the Raiders.

And it’s fine to have a talented receiver like Dwayne Bowe, but only if the bulk of his production comes on garbage drives at the ends of blowouts — extra credit if he makes a fool of himself by pointing to the name on the back of his jersey — and you can count on him to fumble near the red zone when the score is close against the Chargers.

You need one quarterback who has as many or more turnovers than all but one NFL team (not including his own), but also a backup who’s probably worse.

You need a team in such disarray that a team captain with a $60 million contract is benched, the star running back gets 39 touches in one game and five carries in another, the head coach openly and repeatedly says he doesn’t know what’s going on, and the owner stays silent behind the scenes trying to decide when to step in.

You a team that’s become such a punch line in some football circles that the coach who got fired last year is jokingly called “Vince Lombardi with a dirty cap” by one personnel man while comparing the current carnage.

Kansas City sports fans have taken some misguided criticism this fall, but maybe now the football world can see what drives people to fly banners over the stadium calling for the general manager to be fired.

That’s looking more and more likely, by the way. Hunt doesn’t want to fire Scott Pioli, but he doesn’t like to be embarrassed either. The Chiefs are now nine days from what looks to be an ugly Monday night loss in Pittsburgh as Todd Haley’s Steelers offense presumably takes aim at scoring a thousand points.

The Chiefs, with a level of thorough, consistent, no-snaps-off stink the league has never seen, can no longer be talked about in a serious manner. Not until Hunt takes serious action, anyway.

Maybe the next coach can call a play with the lead.

Pants · 11-01-2012, 10:42 PM

Who the **** edited the abortions that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are? JFC.

Good message from Smellinger, though.

mikey23545 · 11-01-2012, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pants

Who the **** edited the abortions that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are? JFC.

Good message from Smellinger, though.

I hope to hell this article will not appear in the newspaper as written here.

Chiefs Pantalones · 11-01-2012, 11:11 PM

Some people still think Pioli is going to be retained.

FloridaMan88 · 11-01-2012, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefs Pantalones

Some people still think Pioli is going to be retained.

Even his daughter thinks he should be fired.

Hammock Parties · 11-01-2012, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefs Pantalones

Some people still think Pioli is going to be retained.

Those people are ****ing morons.

Pioli is John F. Kennedy's skull, and he's driving through Dallas RIGHT NOW.

Chiefs Pantalones · 11-01-2012, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning

Those people are ****ing morons.

Pioli is John F. Kennedy's skull, and he's driving through Dallas RIGHT NOW.

I agree, I'm just saying I hope they aren't right though. If Clark thinks the fan base is pissed now...

**Munson** · 11-01-2012, 11:17 PM

I love all the bad press Pioli is getting. I can't wait until that mother****er gets thrown out like yesterday's garbage.

Saleenman607 · 11-01-2012, 11:21 PM

Hold your nose, close your eyes and drink as much as possible when they play.

That is all

FloridaMan88 · 11-01-2012, 11:27 PM

Romeo's Pants · 11-01-2012, 11:27 PM

Quote:

You need one quarterback who has as many or more turnovers than all but one NFL team (not including his own), but also a backup who’s probably worse.

How does anyone continue to say the backup is "probably worse".

Performance is all that matters. Cassel has an obvious track record of shitting the bed at crucial moments. His capstone project in demonstrating this was his endzone fumble resulting in a Bolts TD.

At this point I'd rather see ****ing Damon Huard in there than Cassel.

**Buehler445** · 11-01-2012, 11:28 PM

LOL.

Awesome. That's pretty much a terrible article, but absolutely appropriate. There is nothing to glean. No greater significance. No hidden meaning. No story to be had.

Just shit. And he says just what needs to be said. No beating around the bush or using soft language. Just laughable shit.

Saleenman607 · 11-01-2012, 11:30 PM

trust in the owner and GM.......they have a plan and fans must be patient.

Ace Gunner · 11-01-2012, 11:36 PM

This is Pioli's legacy and I can't wait until he gets shit canned. incoerente. o' test'u'cazz.

listopencil · 11-01-2012, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pants

Who the **** edited the abortions that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are? JFC.

Good message from Smellinger, though.

Perhaps he just rattled off a disgusted rant and they went with it?

11-01-2012, 10:39 PM
Tribal Warfare The Boom Boom Room Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Far Beyond Comprehension Casino cash: $952813	Sam Mellinger \| Hold your nose when Chiefs play Sam Mellinger \| Hold your nose when Chiefs play By SAM MELLINGER The Kansas City Star Keep in mind the Chargers stink too, guys. Their quarterback turns it over too much, their roster is declining and their coach will probably soon be fired. But the Chargers’ is a more conventional brand of stink. The NFL smells the Chargers’ kind of stink all the time, and it’s a significant stink. But by now we all know there is no stink like the Chiefs’ brand of stink. We’re part of history here, you know: An up-close look at the kind of relentless, tenacious, opening-kickoff-to-final-whistle, never-take-a-snap-off stink against which all future generations of terrible teams will be judged. This fireable offense of a Chiefs season made its prime-time debut, every misstep and fumble and failure of a 31-13 loss here to the (not as) sorry Chargers broadcast in high-definition to what we can only assume was a bored national audience. The only drama left is whether the Chiefs will ever hold a lead while they take a snap this season, and when owner Clark Hunt will break his silence to fire the coach who’s overmatched and the general manager who obsesses over everything but quarterbacks. Sickening and disgusting. The Chiefs are clearly not gladiators. You surely know the incredible fact that has come to define this group of underachieving, badly coached, and micromanaged losers: They haven’t held a lead in any part of their first eight games, the first team to be so thoroughly overmatched since 1929. That’s nineteen-twenty-nine — the year of the (original) stock market crash. To give you an idea, in 1929, the NFL included teams in Frankford, Pa.; Staten Island, N.Y.; and Dayton, Ohio. This is such an achievement of incompetence that it is at once both stunning and unfathomable. Even the 0-16 Lions of 2008 managed a few leads. Actually, by this point in their season, the Lions had led in four games — three in the fourth quarter. To do what the Chiefs are doing requires a conspiracy of unpreparedness, ineffectiveness and whatever is the complete opposite of surgical focus — stoner focus, maybe. You have to do things like be outscored 61-6 in the first quarter — a pretty good sign the coaches are in over their heads — while still being able to channel your substantial failures at just the wrong times. You need a quarterback like Matt Cassel, in other words, who can fumble the snap at the goal line with your team threatening to take a lead against the Ravens. You need punt returners like Javier Arenas, too, who can whiff an easy catch at just the right time to throw momentum over to the other side against the Raiders. And it’s fine to have a talented receiver like Dwayne Bowe, but only if the bulk of his production comes on garbage drives at the ends of blowouts — extra credit if he makes a fool of himself by pointing to the name on the back of his jersey — and you can count on him to fumble near the red zone when the score is close against the Chargers. You need one quarterback who has as many or more turnovers than all but one NFL team (not including his own), but also a backup who’s probably worse. You need a team in such disarray that a team captain with a $60 million contract is benched, the star running back gets 39 touches in one game and five carries in another, the head coach openly and repeatedly says he doesn’t know what’s going on, and the owner stays silent behind the scenes trying to decide when to step in. You a team that’s become such a punch line in some football circles that the coach who got fired last year is jokingly called “Vince Lombardi with a dirty cap” by one personnel man while comparing the current carnage. Kansas City sports fans have taken some misguided criticism this fall, but maybe now the football world can see what drives people to fly banners over the stadium calling for the general manager to be fired. That’s looking more and more likely, by the way. Hunt doesn’t want to fire Scott Pioli, but he doesn’t like to be embarrassed either. The Chiefs are now nine days from what looks to be an ugly Monday night loss in Pittsburgh as Todd Haley’s Steelers offense presumably takes aim at scoring a thousand points. The Chiefs, with a level of thorough, consistent, no-snaps-off stink the league has never seen, can no longer be talked about in a serious manner. Not until Hunt takes serious action, anyway. Maybe the next coach can call a play with the lead.
Posts: 42,033

11-01-2012, 10:42 PM	#2
Pants Time Keeps On Slipping Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Overland Park Casino cash: $5719900	Who the **** edited the abortions that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are? JFC. Good message from Smellinger, though. __________________ "Turn the channel to 26!"
Posts: 27,294

11-01-2012, 11:11 PM	#4
Chiefs Pantalones GO CHIEFS!!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Kansas City Casino cash: $7928717	Some people still think Pioli is going to be retained. __________________ Don't be fooled by my username, I'm white.
Posts: 26,629

11-01-2012, 11:17 PM	#8
Munson Roy E. Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Olathe, KS Casino cash: $11999646	I love all the bad press Pioli is getting. I can't wait until that mother****er gets thrown out like yesterday's garbage.
Posts: 22,716

11-01-2012, 11:21 PM	#9
Saleenman607 Idontknowkaratebutiknowcr azy Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in-house Casino cash: $9675670	Hold your nose, close your eyes and drink as much as possible when they play. That is all
Posts: 532

11-01-2012, 11:27 PM	#10
FloridaMan88 Mahomes: We Are All Witnesses Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Miami, FL Casino cash: $3202906
Posts: 38,113

11-01-2012, 11:28 PM	#12
Buehler445 Supporter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Scott City KS Casino cash: $2354734	LOL. Awesome. That's pretty much a terrible article, but absolutely appropriate. There is nothing to glean. No greater significance. No hidden meaning. No story to be had. Just shit. And he says just what needs to be said. No beating around the bush or using soft language. Just laughable shit.
Posts: 56,766

11-01-2012, 11:30 PM	#13
Saleenman607 Idontknowkaratebutiknowcr azy Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in-house Casino cash: $9675670	trust in the owner and GM.......they have a plan and fans must be patient.
Posts: 532

11-01-2012, 11:36 PM	#14
Ace Gunner First Overall Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: kcmo Casino cash: $10007271	This is Pioli's legacy and I can't wait until he gets shit canned. incoerente. o' test'u'cazz. __________________ The Greatest
Posts: 10,580