An open letter to former Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo

[PunkinDrublic]

Cut and pasted this from facebook. I thought it was pretty funny.

Mr. Lombardo



What with your contract woes with Slayer, it seems you are now no longer a member. Well, Dave, they say with every door that closes, another opens. A big door with our logo on it has just swung wide.



That's right, you just got called up to the big leagues. We'd like to invite you to drum for Lich King.



We are the world's premier unsigned western Massachusetts thrash metal band, and a position with us carries a great deal of clout and privilege. In addition to the twelve dollars we can give you out of our pay split after EVERY SHOW, we are willing to offer you a signing bonus of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS and one (1) gift certificate for $20 at Red Robin.



Your duties will include

• Drumming

• Hauling gear

• Driving long hours on tour

• Providing us with a practice space because ours belongs to our current drummer Brian

• Booking tours (also a Brian duty)

• Doing the band accounting (another Brian job)

• Recording and producing our albums (Brian again)

• Telling Brian he's fired



A caveat: we already have a Dave in the band, and to avoid confusion, you will have to pick a different first name. I think Steve Lombardo has a nice ring to it, but the choice is yours so long as it does not clash with any of our names and it passes our approval by a majority vote.



If you accept our terms, there will of course be an audition. We can't just let you in without seeing what you can do. Practice up on any three of our songs. We can send you the mp3s to practice to (we will deduct the 99 cents per song from your future earnings) and can schedule your audition at your convenience.



We await your response.

Cordially

-Tom, Dave, Joe & Rob

LICH KING



.

[KCUnited]

Had an '82 Z28 with LMBRDO as a personalized plate. It was right after Seasons came out.

[SAUTO]

Why not just ask him to be called Brian?
Posted via Mobile Device

[okcchief]

Haha.

That's awesome. The situation is ****ed up by the way.

[Tombstone RJ]

Lombardo claims that 90% of the bands gross income from touring is being deducted as expenses leaving the band 10% to split among themselves. Yah, I'd be questioning that too.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by Tombstone RJ

Lombardo claims that 90% of the bands gross income from touring is being deducted as expenses leaving the band 10% to split among themselves. Yah, I'd be questioning that too.

And after getting kicked out of the band, I'd be suing. If that's the claim, they're full of shit.

[Tombstone RJ]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

And after getting kicked out of the band, I'd be suing. If that's the claim, they're full of shit.

The lawyers will take the remaining 10%.

Unless the band is doing wildly crazing things while touring, like throwing huge parties, destroying hotels, insisting on the best food possible, drinking high dollar beverages, getting nonstop crap like yoga lessons and massage therapy, hookers, drugs etc., etc., etc., AND they aren't selling out their shows (the venues are expensive, with a low return, etc.), then I think Lombardo has legitimate complaint.

It's hard to find people you can trust with your money, and I'm thinking Lombardo is pointing this out to the other guys in the band and for whatever reason, they don't see it this way. Now they are getting the lawyers involved and what little money is left, is going to the lawyers.

[mcaj22]

hes mad that the rest of the band gets a higher cut than he does

Kerry King gets more money because hes Kerry King, hes the image of the band. No different than a pro sports team paying a guy more money that puts people in the seats. Or WWE paying John Cena more than insert jobber wrestler here ____.

Though I dont argue that Lombardo is the most talented member at what he does by far, and Kerry King essentially sucks at guitar, it's been the same makeup of the band for 30+ years.

For him to cry now hes probably looking for his last cash in as they are older. This isnt the first time hes left the band. And they have been making bank the last couple years thanks to a younger generation of crappy bands playing heavy music and citing Slayer as influences, so a young generation thats like tons of awful metalcore will now come out to Slayer shows. Essentially having a really young fan base ontop of their older market. They current peak at the best of both worlds and have trends and styles of music coming back around to thank for that, and so there is tons of money to be made in 2013 for them, as opposed when there was lows in the band because the music wasnt "in" at the time.

[Tombstone RJ]

Lombardo and each member in the band should know the deal going into it. That is, these guys have been around for a long time and unless their brains are fried, each should know not only the financial situation of the tour (the cut is not even for all members, plus what the management and crew get, etc) but what is expected from them as a band. Unless Lombardo went in on this tour blind, he should not be questioning stuff now, unless like I said in the above post, the guys in the band are just doing stupid stuff that he doesn't agree with. I seriously doubt this is the case as these guys are older, wiley vets and are probably more interested in making bank than banging groupies, etc.

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by Tombstone RJ

Lombardo claims that 90% of the bands gross income from touring is being deducted as expenses leaving the band 10% to split among themselves. Yah, I'd be questioning that too.

Slash said the same things about guns
Posted via Mobile Device

[mcaj22]

Originally Posted by Tombstone RJ

Lombardo and each member in the band should know the deal going into it. That is, these guys have been around for a long time and unless their brains are fried, each should know not only the financial situation of the tour (the cut is not even for all members, plus what the management and crew get, etc) but what is expected from them as a band. Unless Lombardo went in on this tour blind, he should not be questioning stuff now, unless like I said in the above post, the guys in the band are just doing stupid stuff that he doesn't agree with. I seriously doubt this is the case as these guys are older, wiley vets and are probably more interested in making bank than banging groupies, etc.

they had a really successful 2012. And probably after both tours, especially the fall one with Rob Zombie, Lombardo decided over the holidays to look at the books, because he probably didnt expect such a successful run at this stage of their careers, and knew there was more money to made than what he was being led on to believe.

[Ace Gunner]

He had to fight through a lot of garbage excuses to get publishing on his own songs -- I'm pretty sure he's having the same lame ass difficulty with them touring.

He's the sound of Slayer as is typical of metal -- drummers are the signature of metal sound. Drum tracks influence the writings in rudimentary ways, hence DL's struggle.

[Gadzooks]

Originally Posted by Buzz_TinBalls

He had to fight through a lot of garbage excuses to get publishing on his own songs -- I'm pretty sure he's having the same lame ass difficulty with them touring.

He's the sound of Slayer as is typical of metal -- drummers are the signature of metal sound. Drum tracks influence the writings in rudimentary ways, hence DL's struggle.

How could anyone give a drummer songwriting/ publishing credit? They get what the band feeds them or nothing at all.
Would you give the bassist equal songwriting credit for coming up with the idea of playing the root notes of a song you wrote?
Unless the "player" puts a spin on a song that changes the dynamic of what was originally written they don't deserve a penny and are expendable.
If you muted the drum track of the majority of Slayer songs you wouldn't notice a huge difference. Plus, you could find any number of session drummers that could play the same part or much better.

Drummers...

[splatbass]

Originally Posted by Gadzooks

How could anyone give a drummer songwriting/ publishing credit? They get what the band feeds them or nothing at all.
Would you give the bassist equal songwriting credit for coming up with the idea of playing the root notes of a song you wrote?

You sound like someone that is not a bass player and doesn't understand bass playing. Take the bass line out of "Money" and see what you have. Take the bass line out of "The Joker" and see what you have. Take the bass line out of any funk song and see what you have. Or Motown, or blues, or any other type of music. There are thousands of songs that would suck balls without the bass line. When you see the girls on the dance floor shaking their butts they are shaking them to the bass. The bass creates the groove, with the drummer. Those are the two essential pieces of a band. The greatest guitar player in the world would sound like shit with a bad drummer or bass player.

[Brock]

Sabbath did the same thing to Bill Ward.