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View Poll Results: Who wins?
RockChalk 10 31.25%
Fire Me Boy! 22 68.75%
Voters: 32. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-13-2018, 11:21 AM  
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 2, Match 13 - RockChalk versus Fire Me Boy!

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.

Venue - Easter Island
Starting Distance - 50196 feet

RockChalk

Main Weapon - A small zero-turn-radius riding lawn mower capable of 10 mph, with the mower blades open on the front of the machine like a propellor
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 9 Minutes
Special Factors - None

Fire Me Boy!

Main Weapon - Police baton
Backup Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars

Prep Time - 4 Minutes
Special Factors - Your main weapon is given to you at the beginning of your prep time, not at time t=0, but it's in one of those hard to open plastic shrinkwrapped clamshell things.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:32 PM   #16
tooge tooge is offline
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Mower will get 10 miles for sure if it's a rider. He will never get the clamshell plastic off though, so FMB should win. Only problem is, FMB has a bum leg right now and there is quite a bit of distance between them. If a very small hole can be opened in the plastic, enough to reach a hand in fire up the mower, then, the PTO should be able to be engaged, as the plastic would be putting pressure on the seat. That should then open a huge hole in the front as the blades tear their way out. THen it'd be pretty easy to pry open, chase down the hobbled FMB, and run his ass down as he hopelessly tries to throw the stars as he hops away, using the baton as a cane. Sorry FMB, but this wont end well
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:37 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tooge View Post
Mower will get 10 miles for sure if it's a rider. He will never get the clamshell plastic off though, so FMB should win. Only problem is, FMB has a bum leg right now and there is quite a bit of distance between them. If a very small hole can be opened in the plastic, enough to reach a hand in fire up the mower, then, the PTO should be able to be engaged, as the plastic would be putting pressure on the seat. That should then open a huge hole in the front as the blades tear their way out. THen it'd be pretty easy to pry open, chase down the hobbled FMB, and run his ass down as he hopelessly tries to throw the stars as he hops away, using the baton as a cane. Sorry FMB, but this wont end well
It's the baton in the clamshell, not the mower.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:38 PM   #18
LoneWolf LoneWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tooge View Post
Mower will get 10 miles for sure if it's a rider. He will never get the clamshell plastic off though, so FMB should win. Only problem is, FMB has a bum leg right now and there is quite a bit of distance between them. If a very small hole can be opened in the plastic, enough to reach a hand in fire up the mower, then, the PTO should be able to be engaged, as the plastic would be putting pressure on the seat. That should then open a huge hole in the front as the blades tear their way out. THen it'd be pretty easy to pry open, chase down the hobbled FMB, and run his ass down as he hopelessly tries to throw the stars as he hops away, using the baton as a cane. Sorry FMB, but this wont end well
Huh? I think you need to read the OP again.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:40 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tooge View Post
Mower will get 10 miles for sure if it's a rider. He will never get the clamshell plastic off though, so FMB should win. Only problem is, FMB has a bum leg right now and there is quite a bit of distance between them. If a very small hole can be opened in the plastic, enough to reach a hand in fire up the mower, then, the PTO should be able to be engaged, as the plastic would be putting pressure on the seat. That should then open a huge hole in the front as the blades tear their way out. THen it'd be pretty easy to pry open, chase down the hobbled FMB, and run his ass down as he hopelessly tries to throw the stars as he hops away, using the baton as a cane. Sorry FMB, but this wont end well
I'm still blood doping from last round. My feet are fine.

I use the throwing starts to open the baton clamshell. The mower falls over in the terrain less than a mile in. I beat RockChalk to death with the baton.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:42 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Shag View Post
Likely impossible without tools. Better bet would be to run the mower into one of those giant head statues, blades first, and hope the blades break into useful weaponry.
That may be a felony on Easter Island. I'll check.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:43 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
That may be a felony on Easter Island. I'll check.
Why should it matter? We're trying to murder each other, after all.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:46 PM   #22
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I took this photo when I was there a few years ago. No climbing on the moai. I bet this sign doesn't exist anywhere else in the world.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:47 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by MagicHef View Post
It's the baton in the clamshell, not the mower.
oops, my bad. FMB is screwed then. I've had a bitch of a time opening those damned clam shell things with good sheet metal shears, so I'm guesing with "small" throwing stars, that isn't going to be very easy.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:48 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy! View Post
Why should it matter? We're trying to murder each other, after all.
Yeah, but murdering each other is not against the rules. You want to be a good citizen and follow the rules.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:49 PM   #25
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I'm trying to imagine a riding lawn mower hanging from a peg in a hardware store in one of those plastic clamshells. But oddly, I have no doubt that the clamshell could hold it.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:51 PM   #26
LoneWolf LoneWolf is offline
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What does the baton being in a clam shell matter. Just beat him to death with the clam shell if you can’t get it open in time.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:51 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tooge View Post
oops, my bad. FMB is screwed then. I've had a bitch of a time opening those damned clam shell things with good sheet metal shears, so I'm guesing with "small" throwing stars, that isn't going to be very easy.
Nah, I have no trouble with them if I can get a finger in there. The star will definitely make a big enough hole to rip that ****er open.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:51 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
I'm trying to imagine a riding lawn mower hanging from a peg in a hardware store in one of those plastic clamshells. But oddly, I have no doubt that the clamshell could hold it.
I guess the OP didn't specify, does the clamshell wrapping also include several little wires tied around various mower parts and twisted tight to the wrapping? If so, then yes, FMB would win.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:51 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by LoneWolf View Post
What does the baton being in a clam shell matter. Just beat him to death with the clam shell if you can’t get it open in time.
That's actually a really good point. Those things can be sharp, too.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:56 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy! View Post
That's actually a really good point. Those things can be sharp, too.
But the clamshell would be bigger than the baton and hard to get a grip on. You couldn't beat a person with it very well.

Good point on the sharp edges, though. A partially opened clamshell will shear the head off of a gazelle.
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