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View Poll Results: Who wins?
Sofa King 35 53.85%
Iowanian 30 46.15%
Voters: 65. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-12-2018, 09:14 AM  
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 20 - Sofa King versus Iowanian

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.

Venue - Contestant 2 is at the top of an upward-moving escalator and Contestant 1 is at the bottom. The escalator is the only space in the venue.
Starting Distance - 54 feet

Sofa King

Main Weapon - Samurai sword
Backup Weapon - Taser (the touch kind, not the shooting kind) and steak knife

Prep Time - 22 seconds
Special Factors - None

Iowanian

Main Weapon - 2 boomerangs, one heavy and one bladed, and a handful of salt
Backup Weapon - BB gun with 50 BBs, each of which is coated with enough poison to slow a person down by 4 percentage points

Prep Time - 5 Minutes
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:12 AM   #16
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I am waiting for the Gladiators to chime in on this.
However I know Iowans are tough SOBS, resourceful ,and handsome to boot.
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:20 AM   #17
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Like others, I think it comes down to whether Iowanian can use his ranged weapons to stop a charging Sofa King, or at least slow him down enough to make it an even hand to hand battle. I think the odds are against that given the short starting distance. I think the match is Sofa King's to lose.
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Old 07-12-2018, 11:53 AM   #18
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MEXICAN WORD FOR THE DAY: SOFA KING






IT SOFA KING HOT OUT
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:33 PM   #19
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MEXICAN WORD FOR THE DAY: SOFA KING






IT SOFA KING HOT OUT
Racist AND filter evasion.

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Old 07-12-2018, 12:39 PM   #20
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What's the penchant for the BB guns?
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:41 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
Like others, I think it comes down to whether Iowanian can use his ranged weapons to stop a charging Sofa King, or at least slow him down enough to make it an even hand to hand battle. I think the odds are against that given the short starting distance. I think the match is Sofa King's to lose.
I think the bladed boomerang becomes a close quarters weapon, but even then it's no match for the sword. The salt could help, but likely not. I just don't see a path to victory for Iowanian.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:52 PM   #22
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Wow, I win this one easy. The boomerangs are shit, not enough time for the BB gun and the salt is utterly worthless. I’m cutting his damn feet off on my way up and letting him tumble to death . I can be up those stairs in a heartbeat with my long athletic legs. Easy victory. My only regret is that Iowanian has to die. Also, I may rub his own salt in his ankle wounds and taser him before he dies. So I guess I don’t regret it at all.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:53 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
Like others, I think it comes down to whether Iowanian can use his ranged weapons to stop a charging Sofa King, or at least slow him down enough to make it an even hand to hand battle. I think the odds are against that given the short starting distance. I think the match is Sofa King's to lose.
Okay, so what if Iowanian just goes kamikazee. I've been looking at the escalator as being largely taken out by the initial positioning, but let's say that SK is running up that thing and Iowa just catches him flat footed and literally dives at him from the platform. Granted, the backup taser comes into play at that point, but any of us that have played football know that if you take a form tackle at speed to the chest, your marbles are scrambled for a second or so.

So at the whistle, Iowanian looks like he's gonna accept the charge and try to hit him on the run with the boomerang but instead he just crouches down and as soon as that sword comes back the dives into his chest and blasts them both down the stairs. At that point he has the close-quarters advantage with those little edged boomerangs vs. Sofa, who's now trapped between the rails on an escalator and presumably can't even get the sword drawn unless he ends up on top of Iowa.

That's his only path to the W, IMO. Gotta zig instead of zag there and catch him napping. Maybe if sofa runs up the escalator with the sword pointed forward like a bayonet charge he could kill that strategy and then go for a stab instead of a slice. I presume a samurai sword has a pointed end so he should still be okay. In either event, if Iowanian is committed to the strategy he'd still be a shitload of mass flying with that stair to push off of, so that's a ton of force. There's nothing SK could do to prevent getting blasted, he'd just have to hope that the impaling throws Iowanian off enough that he's able to get on top of him and administer the coup de gras...
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Old 07-12-2018, 02:19 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sofa King View Post
Wow, I win this one easy. The boomerangs are shit, not enough time for the BB gun and the salt is utterly worthless. Iím cutting his damn feet off on my way up and letting him tumble to death . I can be up those stairs in a heartbeat with my long athletic legs. Easy victory. My only regret is that Iowanian has to die. Also, I may rub his own salt in his ankle wounds and taser him before he dies. So I guess I donít regret it at all.
You've got my vote.
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Old 07-12-2018, 03:10 PM   #25
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I had to look up how to fight with boomerangs. I think Iowanian has a shot if he can plug away with a BB gun and perry the sword strike with the heavy boomerang and stab with the bladed one. It would all depend on how many shots he could get off with the BB gun.

I'm torn here. Largely I think the samurai sword has the advantage, but if there can't be much for footwork, the 2 boomerangs might have the advantage, IDK. Bottom line is if Sofa lands a blow with the sword its over. If Iowanian can effectively block or perry, then he can counterattack far more quickly.

This is a fun one to play out in my head.
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Old 07-12-2018, 03:24 PM   #26
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SofaKing begins to unleash deadly 2 handed sword attack.
Iowa unleashes bee swarm from hidden pocket. Sofa King dies from anaphylactic shock.
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Old 07-12-2018, 03:34 PM   #27
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This is another close one.


Iowanian has always struck me as scrappy. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a year or two of wrestling or some other self defense under his belt.


I actually seen a guy get a face full off Skoal fine cut to the face and it was pretty incapacitating so I'm guessing salt is worse.


Iowanian in a close one.
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:27 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Otter View Post
This is another close one.


Iowanian has always struck me as scrappy. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a year or two of wrestling or some other self defense under his belt.


I actually seen a guy get a face full off Skoal fine cut to the face and it was pretty incapacitating so I'm guessing salt is worse.


Iowanian in a close one.
I wrestled for 14 years.
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:37 PM   #29
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Iowanian gets off a couple of shots before Sofa King get near. Then he turns that bb gun around and just tees off on SK. Not sure SK can make much use of that sword being on the downhill side while also ducking the rifle butt.

Don't think the backup weapons come into play much unless SK can somehow get the taser onto Iowanian's leg in which case it is all over.

I've been tazered twice.

Once I was fooled into thinking it was a stud finder (get the joke?) and once by a police officer breaking up a fight over a girl many moons ago. No charges.

They are pretty incapacitating but only for a very short time after the initial shock.

Like I said this is a close one.
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:38 PM   #30
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I wrestled for 14 years.

College? What weight?
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