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Old 07-18-2013, 10:21 AM  
journeyscarab journeyscarab is offline
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Man: Female Jogger Defecates Next To My House...Repeatedly
http://www.breitbart.com/InstaBlog/2...medium=twitter

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A Nob Hill man is hoping that surveillance footage will lead to the identification of a female jogger who has been repeatedly defecating next to his home while out on her morning runs. The man told reporters that he thought it was a one time occurrence and that the culprit was a homeless person. But video footage shows the culprit to be a young female jogger who has conducted her business at least four times...the first being on Easter Sunday.

The man says that she always strikes on weekend mornings. He also claims to be the victim of "malicious fecal distribution."

Strangely enough, the man has not contacted police, fearing that they won't take the complaint seriously, but is hoping news coverage might pressure her to stop. If she doesn't, he may take matters into his own hands: "If it happens again, I'm going to run out there with a hose and hose her down and say, 'Bad human!,'" he said.

The good news here is that the female jogger appears to be regular...which is nice.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:13 PM   #46
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I know, right? /
Looks like MaCauley Culkin running away from Michael Jackson when he was done.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:32 PM   #47
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at "...malicious fecal distribution...".

Stop in an alley, drop your shorts, and fire out a steaming tootsie roll.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:35 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Radar Chief View Post
I know, right? /
From the waist down that pic reminds me of Phil's goatee and chest.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:45 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Brando View Post
From the waist down that pic reminds me of Phil's goatee and chest.
he has a poop goatee? WTF?
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:47 PM   #50
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**** that.

If she kept shitting on my house I'd spring out with a baseball bat and beat the shit out of her.
I'd shoot her / Half of CP
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:49 PM   #51
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he has a poop goatee? WTF?
No, he just handsomely pays transients to shit on his face and chest.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:50 PM   #52
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No, he just handsomely pays transients to shit on his face and chest.
Oh. Well that makes sense then.
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:59 PM   #53
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i didn't know breitbart was doing journalism now
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Old 07-18-2013, 04:17 PM   #54
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No, he just handsomely pays transients to shit on his face and chest.
I had to quit doing that when you got a house.
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Old 07-18-2013, 04:25 PM   #55
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He should leave her a roll of toilet paper just so she'd know he knows.

Oh yeah. Edit . And lace it with icy hot or jalapenos.
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Old 07-18-2013, 04:36 PM   #56
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Anyone else find this strangely erotic?
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Old 07-18-2013, 05:53 PM   #57
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Anyone else find this strangely erotic?
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Old 07-19-2013, 07:55 PM   #58
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Yeah, it was odd. It wasn't like she was doing yoga or something. Occasionly, someone else would show up and we would exchange that awkward "that ain't me, man" glance. I convinced myself she probably had IBS or something.
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Not at all. It's called "runner's runs". It doesn't happen to me, but it's pretty common.
Hmmm. Well I hate doing calf workouts to failure because I always feel like I'm gonna piss everywhere. Maybe that's similar..
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Old 07-19-2013, 07:58 PM   #59
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He should leave her a roll of toilet paper just so she'd know he knows.

Oh yeah. Edit . And lace it with icy hot or jalapenos.
Mace that mother****er.

That's what we refer to as the spicy pooper.
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