Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Jim Jones]

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Yeah, he shouldn't have read her text messages. I love how this site completely gleams over her sins because his are somehow worse.

[DaKCMan AP]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Yeah, he shouldn't have read her text messages. I love how this site completely gleams over her sins because his are somehow worse.

Dissing his mom's cooking and calling his family boring couch potatoes is a sin?

[R8RFAN]

If you have so little trust in your woman to read her texts I think you are the one with the problem... Maybe she talks about your family because they are like you.

Kinda Obsessive man, you sound like a jealous guy with issues. She should dump you the minute you tell her you read her texts.

Don't know you so don't take it personal.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by DaKCMan AP

Dissing his mom's cooking and calling his family boring couch potatoes is a sin?

I don't think he shared the "vicious" things she said about his family, probably because it was somewhat embarrassing. But I'll trust the OP that vicious, means vicious. And even still, yeah, talking shit about a family that has been nothing but sweet, and lovable to you is definitely a sin in my books.

[Scorp]

Look, you.have violated the trust thing by reading her texts. So if you tell her it is certainly going to end badly. The only question that matters going forward is this: Does she like to give head? If the answer is yes, then she is a keeper and do not say a word. If the answer is no, then tell her you read her text messages.

This initial consult is free. Merry Christmas. /Dr. Scorp

[DaKCMan AP]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

I don't think he shared the "vicious" things she said about his family, probably because it was somewhat embarrassing. But I'll trust the OP that vicious, means vicious. And even still, yeah, talking shit about a family that has been nothing but sweet, and lovable to you is definitely a sin in my books.

Is lying also a sin?

[threebag]

**** that don't confront shit. You know the end result. Dont show your Own insecurities..that like playing poker and showing your hand.. I wouldn't let her know shit besides what kind of a bitch she really is. Once she starts. Bitching to her friends and sister they are going to think --my he has some big balls. They will want some of that. Drink Pinapple juice and eat lots of celery. You will be blasting these bitches with the biggest loads they have ever seen.

Don't out yourself as a ****ing snooping creep. Have some confidence and display the **** out of it. What do you have to lose...NOTHING...she's is what she is.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Originally Posted by Scorp

Look, you.have violated the trust thing by reading her texts. So if you tell her it is certainly going to end badly. The only question that matters going forward is this: Does she like to give head? If the answer is yes, then she is a keeper and do not say a word. If the answer is no, then tell her you read her text messages.

This initial consult is free. Merry Christmas. /Dr. Scorp

That criteria will not matter after they are married. Just sayin'...

[threebag]

Bitch better have gotten you a nice present for Christmas too.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Man, this is a tough one. First, now when you see her being fake to your family, it will piss you off. Second, you will start seeing your family behave in ways that suddenly you realize she can't stand...it'll make you wish your family wouldn't act a certain way all the sudden. Also, let's face it, it's your family. You think you guys are great. She doesn't. Who knows what the hell perspective she has, but it's obviously not like yours. This indicates a much larger problem for your future.

Personally, I'd just say, look. I read your text. I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I did and I'm sorry. But I need to know, why do you hate my family so much?

Figure it out before the "I Do's" happen.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by DaKCMan AP

Is lying also a sin?

Come on, man. Sin? Don't take that quote out of context. And of course lying is a sin. This needs to be discussed, because they both ****ed up. Both of them. Doesn't she lie every time she puts on a happy little front while thinking what a ****ed up family they are? This goes both ways, bro.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by InChiefsHell

Man, this is a tough one. First, now when you see her being fake to your family, it will piss you off. Second, you will start seeing your family behave in ways that suddenly you realize she can't stand...it'll make you wish your family wouldn't act a certain way all the sudden. Also, let's face it, it's your family. You think you guys are great. She doesn't. Who knows what the hell perspective she has, but it's obviously not like yours. This indicates a much larger problem for your future.

Personally, I'd just say, look. I read your text. I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I did and I'm sorry. But I need to know, why do you hate my family so much?

Figure it out before the "I Do's" happen.

Yep. Better now, than later. Hash this shit out. And I'd say "Hey, your phone beeped and you weren't there. I picked it up, and wow!" Go from there.

But I also think I'd be open about my insecurities before getting married. That's a pretty big one in having to read her text messages. You should both know the worst of each other before you get married. If you can't accept it, don't accept forever with one another. Unless of course, you're like the half of this country that thinks getting divorced is a perfectly good out if things don't work out.

And I'm not trying to go all religious here on you, because that's not why I don't believe in divorce. I just think that if divorce is no big deal to people, then marriage shouldn't be either.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Yep. Better now, than later. Hash this shit out. And I'd say "Hey, your phone beeped and you weren't there. I picked it up, and wow!" Go from there.

But I also think I'd be open about my insecurities before getting married. That's a pretty big one in having to read her text messages. You should both know the worst of each other before you get married. If you can't accept it, don't accept forever with one another. Unless of course, you're like the half of this country that thinks getting divorced is a perfectly good out if things don't work out.

And I'm not trying to go all religious here on you, because that's not why I don't believe in divorce. I just think that if divorce is no big deal to people, then marriage shouldn't be either.

Truth.

Too many people don't take this stuff as seriously as they should for fear of rocking the boat. Rock that ****er now. Later after you are married, it gets a lot more painful and expensive. Besides, what is there to fear? You either want this thing to work or you don't. If you have a bunch of problems bringing stuff up now, imagine what it'll be like after you are married.

[mdchiefsfan]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Yep. Better now, than later. Hash this shit out. And I'd say "Hey, your phone beeped and you weren't there. I picked it up, and wow!" Go from there.

But I also think I'd be open about my insecurities before getting married. That's a pretty big one in having to read her text messages. You should both know the worst of each other before you get married. If you can't accept it, don't accept forever with one another. Unless of course, you're like the half of this country that thinks getting divorced is a perfectly good out if things don't work out.

And I'm not trying to go all religious here on you, because that's not why I don't believe in divorce. I just think that if divorce is no big deal to people, then marriage shouldn't be either.

Exactly. I was the kind of guy that had to snoop and was insecure about women because of previous bitches. I started my relationship out by telling her, flat out, that I was ****ed over by girls and I have a tendency to snoop. She gave me the password to her phone. In return I gave her mine. I have never checked her phone and I have not one clue if she's checked mine, don't care if she does.

But out in the open is the best policy, especially if you're about to get married.

[threebag]

Now if she swallows I can't help you bro. That's my ****ing kryptonite.