Late night bullshit: ChiefsPlanet Dungeons & Dragons

[Direckshun]

There is nothing complex to this concept.

I am your Dungeon Master for the endurance of this thread. I have three dices ("die"?) with six sides each. (Here.)

There's really only one rule in this thread: You tell me what you want to do.

I will determine how difficult your maneuver is, and roll the dice to see if you're successful.

There usually is some sort of plot or mission in D&D, but let's just keep this simple and appropriately stupid.

Feel free to run with this as creatively as you wish, however. Also, feel free not to.

[Rain Man]

I would like to determine where the white women are at. My charisma is a 5.

[Bugeater]

I want to do your mom.

[J Diddy]

I opened this thread and magically rolled an 8 for pocket protector.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I would like to determine where the white women are at. My charisma is a 5.

I do not have information like that.

All I do is determine whether you are successful at some potential action you are attempting.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

I want to do your mom.

Doing my whore of a mother is a pretty easy task. Out of 24, I'd put its difficulty at 11.

***9***

Unfortunately, you were unable to bed my admittedly whore-ish mother.

She rebuffed your offer, opting instead to treat her crabs in a nearby Planned Parenthood.

Dejected, you contemplate suicide.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by J Diddy

I opened this thread and magically rolled an 8 for pocket protector.

Find some means with which to protect yourself.

HAVE AT THEE

[LiveSteam]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

I want to do your mom.

Been there,done that. NO YOU DONT !!!

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by LiveSteam

Been there,done that. NO YOU DONT !!!

...Dad?...

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I do not have information like that.

All I do is determine whether you are successful at some potential action you are attempting.

I would like to enter a nearby tavern and ask the nearest elf where the white women are at.

[Fat Elvis]

Use D&D dice at least. If you're rolling without a D20, well, you're just a loser.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I would like to enter a nearby tavern and ask the nearest elf where the white women are at.

That's pretty easy picking. Walking into a tavern, and asking a question. That's like a 2 out of 24.

***4***

Oof. You clearly came to the tavern already wasted.

You stumbled in like a drunken oaf, stinking of manure. Where the hell were you getting drunk? And what the hell were you drinking?

You immediately fall over when you enter, slamming into a table and making a ridiculous spectacle.

As a couple men hoist your drunk ass out of the tavern, an elf comes to your rescue, and convinces the men to leave you alone.

You ask where the white women are at, but you are so wasted, the elf can only determine the words "white women."

He admits he's banged a few, and he just assumes you want to purchase a prostitute.

There's an alley out back, he said. But it is ****ing filthy. Only whores the caliber of Direckshun's whore of a mother go there.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

Use D&D dice at least. If you're rolling without a D20, well, you're just a loser.

Fair enough. I'll use this going forward.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

That's pretty easy picking. Walking into a tavern, and asking a question. That's like a 2 out of 24.

***4***

Oof. You clearly came to the tavern already wasted.

You stumbled in like a drunken oaf, stinking of manure. Where the hell were you getting drunk? And what the hell were you drinking?

You immediately fall over when you enter, slamming into a table and making a ridiculous spectacle.

As a couple men hoist your drunk ass out of the tavern, an elf comes to your rescue, and convinces the men to leave you alone.

You ask where the white women are at, but you are so wasted, the elf can only determine the words "white women."

He admits he's banged a few, and he just assumes you want to purchase a prostitute.

There's an alley out back, he said. But it is ****ing filthy. Only whores the caliber of Direckshun's whore of a mother go there.

I would like to avoid syphilis. I have 20 gold coins and a +2 magic condom.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I would like to avoid syphilis. I have 20 gold coins and a +2 magic condom.

Avoiding syphilis in a back alley whorehouse is pretty difficult. Would probably require a 14 out of 20.

***7***

Sorry, my friend.

The good news: you got some.

The bad news: Google "syphilis."