Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 9

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

JBucc · 10-10-2005, 03:58 PM

Biohazard · 10-10-2005, 04:10 PM

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she
would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the
class and said,

"Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what
would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold,
because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said,
"I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold
and I could buy a Porsche"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Adam. Little Adam
stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Adam, why silicon?"

"Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the
sports cars parked outside of our house!!"

Biohazard · 10-10-2005, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBucc

liar

Biohazard · 10-10-2005, 04:34 PM

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband
went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want
to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less
costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry
bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man
in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

(This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Virginia,
Mississippi and West Virginia.)

Frankie · 10-10-2005, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Biohazard

Hope no one takes offence to these!SOME JOKES OF THE MALE CHAUVINIST TYPE.

The women on this forum are pretty good sports. Don't worry.

Frankie · 10-10-2005, 05:57 PM

Hey Bio, come up for air dude. You are postin'em faster than we can read'em.

Frankie · 10-11-2005, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Biohazard

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband
went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want
to have any more children.
......
.......

(This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Virginia,
Mississippi and West Virginia.)

Frankie · 10-13-2005, 01:32 PM

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence.

"Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked.

"I reckon so," replied the farmer.

The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"

"Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"

C-Mac · 10-13-2005, 01:39 PM

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and
neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife
sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

Frankie · 10-13-2005, 01:44 PM

'Vegetarian'

=An old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'

plbrdude · 10-14-2005, 11:30 AM

>>Little Tommy was in the 4th grade class when the teacher asked the
>>>children what their fathers did for a living. All of the typical
>>>answers
>>>came up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...Tommy was being
>>>uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his
>>>father.
>>>
>>>"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
>>>clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offers really
>>>good,
>>>he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for
>>>money.
>>>
>>>The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
>>>other
>>>children to work on some coloring, and took little Tommy aside to
>>>ask
>>>him, "Is that really true about your father?"
>>>
>>>"No," said Tommy," He plays for the Chiefs, but I was too
>>>embarrassed to
>>>say so."
>>>

joesomebody · 10-14-2005, 12:05 PM

Did you hear that since the Clinton Administration, there is an 11th commandment?

Thou shall not use thy rod on thy staff

joesomebody · 10-14-2005, 12:23 PM

What did Sam Houston's wife say to her lawyer during her divorce?

Remember the Alimo-ny!

Simplex3 · 10-14-2005, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joesomebody

What did Sam Houston's wife say to her lawyer during her divorce?

Remember the Alimo-ny!

Otter · 10-14-2005, 12:35 PM

Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.

When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn".

Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

10-10-2005, 03:58 PM	#121
JBucc MVP Join Date: Oct 2005 Casino cash: $10004952	liar
Posts: 12,016

10-10-2005, 04:10 PM	#122
Biohazard spelingspechalist Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Merriam Missouri Casino cash: $10004900	In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche" The teacher smiled and then called on Little Adam. Little Adam stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Adam, why silicon?" "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars parked outside of our house!!" __________________ "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
Posts: 762

10-10-2005, 04:34 PM	#124
Biohazard spelingspechalist Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Merriam Missouri Casino cash: $10004900	After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. (This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Virginia, Mississippi and West Virginia.) __________________ "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
Posts: 762

10-10-2005, 05:57 PM	#126
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Hey Bio, come up for air dude. You are postin'em faster than we can read'em.
Posts: 26,959

10-13-2005, 01:32 PM	#128
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
Posts: 26,959

10-13-2005, 01:39 PM	#129
C-Mac Lurker Extraordinaire Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Wally World Casino cash: $2383699	A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Posts: 5,632

10-13-2005, 01:44 PM	#130
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	'Vegetarian' =An old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'
Posts: 26,959

10-14-2005, 11:30 AM	#131
plbrdude turd herder extraordiaire Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: hickville,mo Casino cash: $9997165	>>Little Tommy was in the 4th grade class when the teacher asked the >>>children what their fathers did for a living. All of the typical >>>answers >>>came up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...Tommy was being >>>uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his >>>father. >>> >>>"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his >>>clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offers really >>>good, >>>he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for >>>money. >>> >>>The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the >>>other >>>children to work on some coloring, and took little Tommy aside to >>>ask >>>him, "Is that really true about your father?" >>> >>>"No," said Tommy," He plays for the Chiefs, but I was too >>>embarrassed to >>>say so." >>>
Posts: 2,249

10-14-2005, 12:05 PM	#132
joesomebody Waiting to be voted off Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Baltimore, MD Casino cash: $9994900	Did you hear that since the Clinton Administration, there is an 11th commandment? Thou shall not use thy rod on thy staff
Posts: 2,584

10-14-2005, 12:23 PM	#133
joesomebody Waiting to be voted off Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Baltimore, MD Casino cash: $9994900	What did Sam Houston's wife say to her lawyer during her divorce? Remember the Alimo-ny!
Posts: 2,584