Don't shave your ass hair!

Hammock Parties · 04-23-2006, 12:14 AM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.

Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself.

It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.

Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant.

The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination.

As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.

As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face.

I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.

Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

Halfcan · 04-23-2006, 12:20 AM

I hadn't planned on shaving my ass- but thanks for the advice.

**alnorth** · 04-23-2006, 12:22 AM

I would have gone in with a pair of scissors and just trimmed it down a bit to clear a path for #2. A full shave just sounds dumb.

BWillie · 04-23-2006, 12:21 AM

Wow, this is really disturbing. Did you think of this on your own?? LOL

CoMoChief · 04-23-2006, 12:22 AM

Use a nair type product. It's somtimes messy but works. I've had no problems with it.

**Dunit35** · 04-23-2006, 12:32 AM

Shaving would probably leave some sort of irritation down there, which would make it very uncomfortable.

**luv** · 04-23-2006, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dunit35

Shaving would probably leave some sort of irritation down there, which would make it very uncomfortable.

Hmmm....

Good point.

And men want women to shave more than just their legs?

Use moiturizing soap. It's only irritating the first few times.

**Dunit35** · 04-23-2006, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv2rite

Hmmm....

Good point.

And men want women to shave more than just their legs?

Use moiturizing soap. It's only irritating the first few times.

I personally have never shaven my ass before and probably never will. Now my pride and joy is a different story.

**luv** · 04-23-2006, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dunit35

I personally have never shaven my ass before and probably never will. Now my pride and joy is a different story.

I know a guy who uses Nair for that. Same thing. He said it was irritating for the first few days, but he got used to it.

**Dunit35** · 04-23-2006, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv2rite

I know a guy who uses Nair for that. Same thing. He said it was irritating for the first few days, but he got used to it.

Still couldn't do it. I've gotten rid of everything down there before and it was driving me insane...itching all the time. Never again will I do what a girl asks me to do.

**Nzoner** · 04-23-2006, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv2rite

Hmmm....

Good point.

And men want women to shave more than just their legs?

Use moiturizing soap. It's only irritating the first few times.

Coochie Cream 4oz.
$13.95
No bumps. No irritations. No rashes. Just soft, silky smooth skin all around your genital area for your partner to explore without those prickly distractions.

rad · 04-23-2006, 07:11 AM

Confucious say, "You can't shave your butt and expect everything to be "peachy""

**Skip Towne** · 04-23-2006, 07:26 AM

Where's Slayer? I see an ass hair growing contest in the future.

**Bearcat** · 04-23-2006, 07:51 AM

Repost from 5 or 6 years ago (Laz, I believe)

**Bwana** · 04-23-2006, 08:59 AM

In other breaking news, don't light yourself on fire and jump off a cliff.

04-23-2006, 12:14 AM	Topic Starter
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4740478	Don't shave your ass hair! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
Posts: 277,682

04-23-2006, 12:22 AM	#3
alnorth . Join Date: Dec 2002 Casino cash: $57176239	I would have gone in with a pair of scissors and just trimmed it down a bit to clear a path for #2. A full shave just sounds dumb. __________________ how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb? HOW MANY?! none they just sit in the dark and cry
Posts: 36,130

04-23-2006, 12:21 AM	#4
BWillie Future NBA Finals MVP Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Earth Casino cash: $2461241	Wow, this is really disturbing. Did you think of this on your own?? LOL __________________ Who wants free money? Use the link below to sign up at Bovada, BetOnline, Black Chip Poker and Ignition. Contact me for private deals, spot bonuses, possible rakeback or any questions! Bovada, Ignition, BetOnline, Black Chip Poker: baldeaglepoker.com Bovada Poker is back! Get up to $500 poker deposit bonus.
Posts: 45,881

04-23-2006, 12:22 AM	#5
CoMoChief Mahomes Dynasty Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $8052254	Use a nair type product. It's somtimes messy but works. I've had no problems with it. __________________
Posts: 39,156

04-23-2006, 12:32 AM	#6
Dunit35 Keepin it Real Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Oklahoma Casino cash: $1567045	Shaving would probably leave some sort of irritation down there, which would make it very uncomfortable.
Posts: 10,488

04-23-2006, 12:20 AM	#2
Halfcan In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $7327995	I hadn't planned on shaving my ass- but thanks for the advice.
Posts: 43,200

04-23-2006, 07:26 AM	#13
Skip Towne Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: T-Town Casino cash: $10004900	Where's Slayer? I see an ass hair growing contest in the future.
Posts: 69,689

04-23-2006, 07:51 AM	#14
Bearcat Would an idiot do that? Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Arizona Casino cash: $2844931	Repost from 5 or 6 years ago (Laz, I believe) __________________
Posts: 55,277

04-23-2006, 08:59 AM	#15
Bwana It's Five O'Clock Somewhere Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Billings, Montana Casino cash: $2139573647	In other breaking news, don't light yourself on fire and jump off a cliff. __________________ Adventure is dangerous....but monotony can kill you.
Posts: 69,731