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Old 01-15-2013, 05:13 PM  
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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This Week's Important Florida News!

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.
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Old 11-18-2013, 03:57 PM   #226
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Let's hope those orange jumpsuits have a lot of breathing room.

William Gibson, 50, allegedly exposed himself outside a Goodwill store in Jensen Beach, Fla., earlier this month, then claimed he was "airing out" his penis, T.C. Palm reported Friday.

Gibson allegedly first stuck his hand down his pants and smelled his fingers before dropping his drawers. Then, according to a witness statement obtained by T.C. Palm, "All of a sudden [Gibson] just pulled down the front of his underwear to expose his genitals, fluffing them."

A witness called sheriff's deputies, who say Gibson stated he was arrested merely for "airing out" his penis.

He was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition in the presence of the elderly.

This isn't the most outlandish excuse alleged flashers have given. In February, police officers said a man caught masturbating behind a convenience store told them he was only exposed because his pants had shrunk.

And last year, a man accused of masturbating in public decided to prove he was really just scratching a rash by whipping out his testicles to show the rash to cops. The craziest thing about this excuse was that it actually worked!
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Old 11-18-2013, 04:21 PM   #227
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Old 11-20-2013, 03:48 PM   #228
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http://tinyurl.com/l29y8m5

A Florida woman is accused of stalking a duck before intentionally running it over with her car.

Karen Lindgren, 36, is charged with felony animal cruelty, Bay News 9 reports. A witness told police in Tarpon Springs that Lindren initially tried to give the duck candy. The duck wasn't interested, and Lindgren began following the bird around before eventually running it over in the driveway of homeowner Natalie Paraskevopoulos, who called police after finding the animal.

Paraskevopoulos told Bay News 9 that the bird was part of a familiar group of neighborhood ducks. “We raised them practically, ‘cause we’ve known them since they were ducklings," she said. "So, it was just really devastating because you become attached to these animals, almost like they’re your pets."

It's been one "fowl" news month. Last week, a woman was arrested after she was allegedly caught on tape kicking geese in the head at a park. And earlier this week, it was announced that the Thanksgiving turkeys "pardoned" by Obama are not long for this world.
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Old 11-20-2013, 03:52 PM   #229
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Originally Posted by gblowfish View Post
http://tinyurl.com/l29y8m5

A Florida woman is accused of stalking a duck before intentionally running it over with her car.

Karen Lindgren, 36, is charged with felony animal cruelty, Bay News 9 reports. A witness told police in Tarpon Springs that Lindren initially tried to give the duck candy. The duck wasn't interested, and Lindgren began following the bird around before eventually running it over in the driveway of homeowner Natalie Paraskevopoulos, who called police after finding the animal.

Paraskevopoulos told Bay News 9 that the bird was part of a familiar group of neighborhood ducks. “We raised them practically, ‘cause we’ve known them since they were ducklings," she said. "So, it was just really devastating because you become attached to these animals, almost like they’re your pets."

It's been one "fowl" news month. Last week, a woman was arrested after she was allegedly caught on tape kicking geese in the head at a park. And earlier this week, it was announced that the Thanksgiving turkeys "pardoned" by Obama are not long for this world.
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Old 11-20-2013, 04:41 PM   #230
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If any state in the union best represents the dangers of invasive species, it's Florida.
That's one way to put it.
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Old 12-04-2013, 09:55 PM   #231
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This week in FL sex ed!

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2013...tally-children

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Nymphomaniac trailer accidentally shown to Florida children
Cinema screens promo for Lars von Trier's explicit film before showing of Disney hit Frozen

Ben Child
theguardian.com, Wednesday 4 December 2013 04.33 EST

A cinema audience of children waiting to view the hit Disney animation Frozen were accidentally shown a trailer for explicit art house sex epic Nymphomaniac.

Parents in the auditorium in Tampa, Florida, reportedly struggled to cover the eyes of their offspring, while others headed swiftly for the exits, as an apparent technical error saw the promotional clip for Danish agent provocateur Lars von Trier's salacious new film suddenly hit the big screen.

"They put in the filler, it looked like Steamboat Willie, the old Mickey Mouse cartoon, and then all of a sudden it goes into this other scene," grandmother Lynn Greene told My Fox Tampa Bay. "It seemed like forever when you're trying to, you know, cover a little guy's eyes. I didn't have enough hands to cover his ears too and he got the sound down real good.

"You're talking, what, a PG-rated movie to all of a sudden have an R-rated scene up there for little children?" she added. "My concern is that there should be safeguards in place so that this doesn't happen again."

The trailer has been described by Vanity Fair as one of the most explicit ever to be shown in mainstream cinemas. A teaser trailer was briefly removed from YouTube last month after apparently falling foul of the site's rules on nudity and sexual content. Von Trier's much-hyped film, which features Uma Thurman, Stellan Skarsgĺrd, Christian Slater, Jamie Bell and Shia LaBeouf, will use digital trickery and body doubles to portray its famous stars having sex. It is due to premiere in Copenhagen on Christmas Day and is then likely to hit the festival circuit, with a possible appearance at Cannes in May.
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Old 12-09-2013, 01:00 PM   #232
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In the 80's and sunny here sucks. Sure hate cutting grass and playing golf in December. Might have to go for a swim at the beach instead...
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Old 12-09-2013, 01:07 PM   #233
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In the 80's and sunny here sucks. Sure hate cutting grass and playing golf in December. Might have to go for a swim at the beach instead...
be sure in do all of the above naked. if you live in FL you are bat shit crazy.
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Old 12-09-2013, 02:57 PM   #234
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be sure in do all of the above naked. if you live in FL you are bat shit crazy.
And if you live in the land of sleet and snow you are _____________?
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Old 12-09-2013, 03:02 PM   #235
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Old 12-09-2013, 03:08 PM   #236
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be sure in do all of the above naked. if you live in FL you are bat shit crazy.
Shocking. A donkey fan posts something stupid.

**** this snow and cold. Cannot wait to get back to the warmth.
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:02 PM   #237
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:50 PM   #238
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In the 80's and sunny here sucks. Sure hate cutting grass and playing golf in December. Might have to go for a swim at the beach instead...
**** that, I pay someone to mow the yard.
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Old 12-11-2013, 05:35 PM   #239
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That's one way to put it.
Lol.

I see what you did there.
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Old 12-16-2013, 11:25 PM   #240
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What is wrong with this idiot?

http://www.today.com/news/swimming-c...val-2D11745905
Before his swim meet on Dec. 7 had even started, Florida swimmer Josh Zuchowski, 9, decided he was not only going to compete in honor of his biggest rival, but also win the top trophy in the event and give it to him.

The Santa Claus Invitational marked the second straight meet where Zuchowski and his father checked the entry sheet and did not see the name of friendly rival Reese Branzell, 10, from Lake Lytle, Fla. Branzell had been hospitalized on Nov. 8 with a bacterial infection in his hip for nearly two weeks and was unable to compete.

Florida swimmer Josh Zuchowski, 9, (at left) gave his trophy as the top swimmer in a meet earlier this month to rival Reese Branzell, 10, (at right) after Branzell had been hospitalized and could not compete.
Jonathan Zuchowski
Florida swimmer Josh Zuchowski, 9, (at left) gave his trophy as the top swimmer in a meet earlier this month to rival Reese Branzell, 10, (at right) after Branzell had been hospitalized and could not compete.
“Josh got very emotional and he just said, 'Dad I feel horrible for him, is there something we can do?'’’ Josh’s father, Jonathan Zuchowski, told TODAY.com. “Then he said, 'I expect to win five gold medals in this meet, so what do you think if I swim for him and if I win the high point trophy, I'll give it to him?'

“He wrote the card he was going to give Reese before he even swam the race. The card said, 'I swam for you today, and I want to give you this trophy.’’’

Before the swim meet began, Josh Zuhowski planned on winning five gold medals and the trophy as the top point-getter and giving them to friendly rival Reeze Branzell.
Jonathan Zuchowski
Before the swim meet began, Josh Zuhowski planned on winning five gold medals and the high-point trophy as the top point-getter and giving them to friendly rival Reeze Branzell.
Josh, who is from Jupiter, Fla., accomplished his goal of winning five gold medals and the high-point trophy as the top point-getter in the meet.

When it was over, he gave the trophy to Reese’s swim coach with a card that read, "I am so sorry that you have not been feeling well. Get well soon. So we can get back to battling in the pool. I have looked up to you since I was seven. You were an inspiration for me wanting to swim fast. I would rather get second with you at the meet then win with you absent. I won this trophy for you today. I hope to see (you) back in the pool. Your friend, Josh.’’

The two have been swimming against one another for three years and often rank 1-2 at the meets where 9- and 10-year-olds compete in the same races. Reese has since been released from the hospital and has been on antibiotics for the infection. His family was blown away by the gesture.

“They said it was the single nicest act that anyone has ever done for him and his family,’’ Jonathan said. “For Reese, it helped lift his morale to think, ‘Here's my No. 1 competitor, and he's thinking about me.’ That made him feel that much better to get back into the pool and do what he loves.”

There were other swimmers on his team who didn’t understand why Josh would give a trophy he won to a competitor.

“He definitely has a big heart,’’ his father said.

“I can’t believe I’m getting all this attention for doing the right thing,’’ Josh told TODAY.com.

Though they plan to continue dueling in the pool in the coming years, the two have become closer friends since the trophy trade.

“I think the true significance of the trophy might be that it might be the most special win of his life," Josh's father said, "and he was doing it for someone else.’’
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