Life Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found? - Page 9

Jim Jones · 12-24-2012, 12:52 AM

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

**notorious** · 12-24-2012, 08:28 AM

The people that are saying "invaded her privacy":

How long have you been married?

jd1020 · 12-24-2012, 08:30 AM

My question is, why are you going to marry someone who you have to snoop on?

CoMoChief · 12-24-2012, 08:30 AM

just talk crap on hers.

jk

It does seem you have major trust issues though. reading other people's text msgs is what chicks do

Warpaint69 · 12-24-2012, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InChiefsHell

Truth.

Too many people don't take this stuff as seriously as they should for fear of rocking the boat. Rock that ****er now. Later after you are married, it gets a lot more painful and expensive. Besides, what is there to fear? You either want this thing to work or you don't. If you have a bunch of problems bringing stuff up now, imagine what it'll be like after you are married.

I agree with this. Just got out of a roller coaster 2 and a half year relationship. I let far to many things slide in fear of rocking the boat and pissing her off. I learned the hard way that a relationship with her was destined to fail. My ex was simply unable to carry a healthy relationship and the more i learned of her past the more leary i got. She wasn't shy by any stretch. She openly talked crap on my family, my friends, and often times I was the center of those crap talking sessions. Why she said what she said is still beyond me. After awhile I rocked the boat calling her out on her problems, her lies, her deception, and all the other bullcrap fakeness I endured. It wasn't long and she was ready to jump ship when she realized I was done playing her game. Early on she'd grab my phone and look it over like it was nothing. I got ahold of hers early on a few times, had one episode of something I did not like reading. After that for 2 years that thing never left her sight. Who knows what else she was hiding. Either way your going to have a battle on your hands. If she's the one for you this will work out and you will clear this hurdle.

**Easy 6** · 12-24-2012, 08:35 AM

I wouldnt stand for it for one second, it would all have to be laid out on the table no matter what.

If she wants to try and make her privacy a bigger issue than the hateful drubbing she gave your family, well, i'd be thinking twice about where its all going.

GloryDayz · 12-24-2012, 08:35 AM

Yes, you have to talk to her or it'll fester and get worse. It doesn't need to be an argument, but if that's where she takes it, so be it. But like affairs where so many people want to make it about the sex (which is totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things), keep this about what might be the bigger issue - her inability to talk to you. Nobody's perfect, so you're mother may not be a 5-StarChef, but I'll bet she is... Being critical of others isn't ever a good idea, but letting it extend to the family of the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and whose family is prolly part of the package, is scary.

Sorry to say it, but what you're seeing here might just be the oil and water that you two are. IOW, it might not be the family at all really..

Oh, and if invading their privacy to find out the truth is the only way, so be it. Just be ready for that to be the focal point of the conversation, not her dislike of your family, it's an easy out for her. Deflection of the truth, it's a common tactic...

Maybe she knew you would snoop, and decided this is just a simpler way to tell you.. ???

**Easy 6** · 12-24-2012, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notorious

If she can act like that in front of your family, how will you know if anything is genuine between the two of you?

This.

FlaChief58 · 12-24-2012, 08:39 AM

Tell her that her sister/cousin tried to blow you. That should get the focus off of your family

**Dave Lane** · 12-24-2012, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Jones

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

I think going through someone's private things is a damned good reason for her to dump you. I can have zero respect for people like this. Its happened to me and it sucks.

CoMoChief · 12-24-2012, 08:47 AM

I do agree w/ talking to her about it before you're married.

breaking it off now (if it came to that, hopefully not) would be much less aggrevating on you and her...than it would had you gotten hitched and then address the issue.

threebag · 12-24-2012, 08:49 AM

Just get the Bitch a Belcher for Christmas.

NewChief · 12-24-2012, 08:50 AM

If you actually like your family and want to have a good relationship with them, then it's a dealbreaker for me because that rift is just going to get worse as time goes on and it causes all sorts of problems for your marriage. I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't get along well with my family, especially my mom. Thankfully I'm blessed to have a wife who actually does a better job of maintaining our relationship with my family than I do.

If you don't really give a shit about your family and the relationship you have with them in the future, then don't worry about it.

That being said: shame on you for going through her texts.

Codered · 12-24-2012, 08:52 AM

If you do decide to approach her about the unkind texts then starting off by telling her you understand your actions of snooping isn't appropriate and explain why you felt you need to.

This won't make it any easier, but it may allow you then to bring up the bigger issue. Her feelings for your family.

Good luck this could very well test your relationship. If you have to snoop around and she has to lie then there are apparently deeper issues going on.

**Dave Lane** · 12-24-2012, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jd1020

My question is, why are you going to marry someone who you have to snoop on?

Exactly.

Garcia Bronco · 12-24-2012, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmahurin

I've yet to meet one that isn't Mr. FAX.

Seriously...me either.

12-24-2012, 12:52 AM
Jim Jones Gettin T4iggy With It Join Date: May 2005 Casino cash: $9955155	Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found? I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that... Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid). I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before. Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
Posts: 996

12-24-2012, 08:28 AM	#121
notorious Supporter Join Date: May 2005 Location: Who knows? Casino cash: $3015884	The people that are saying "invaded her privacy": How long have you been married?
Posts: 83,208

12-24-2012, 08:30 AM	#122
jd1020 In Search of a Life Join Date: Nov 2010 Casino cash: $7752645	My question is, why are you going to marry someone who you have to snoop on?
Posts: 24,319

12-24-2012, 08:30 AM	#123
CoMoChief Mahomes Dynasty Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $8052254	just talk crap on hers. jk It does seem you have major trust issues though. reading other people's text msgs is what chicks do __________________
Posts: 39,155

12-24-2012, 08:35 AM	#125
Easy 6 pie is never free Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: the drivers seat Casino cash: $3817775	I wouldnt stand for it for one second, it would all have to be laid out on the table no matter what. If she wants to try and make her privacy a bigger issue than the hateful drubbing she gave your family, well, i'd be thinking twice about where its all going.
Posts: 91,586

12-24-2012, 08:35 AM	#126
GloryDayz (Sir/Yes Sir/Aye Aye Sir) Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Diving Casino cash: $3615380	Yes, you have to talk to her or it'll fester and get worse. It doesn't need to be an argument, but if that's where she takes it, so be it. But like affairs where so many people want to make it about the sex (which is totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things), keep this about what might be the bigger issue - her inability to talk to you. Nobody's perfect, so you're mother may not be a 5-StarChef, but I'll bet she is... Being critical of others isn't ever a good idea, but letting it extend to the family of the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and whose family is prolly part of the package, is scary. Sorry to say it, but what you're seeing here might just be the oil and water that you two are. IOW, it might not be the family at all really.. Oh, and if invading their privacy to find out the truth is the only way, so be it. Just be ready for that to be the focal point of the conversation, not her dislike of your family, it's an easy out for her. Deflection of the truth, it's a common tactic... Maybe she knew you would snoop, and decided this is just a simpler way to tell you.. ??? __________________ . #President Trump loves and supports the constitution #McCarthy is a Sellout and Traitor to America #The FBLieIsCorrupt #DefundTheFBI #The FBI Is Not The Police #PresidentBidenIsMoronic #LizCheneyGotTheBoot #FJB #80,000,000 Mules (and a few Americans too) Voted For COVID To Continue #I still don't have COVID
Posts: 115,321

12-24-2012, 08:39 AM	#128
FlaChief58 SuperChiefs Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Florida Casino cash: $2349822	Tell her that her sister/cousin tried to blow you. That should get the focus off of your family
Posts: 18,931

12-24-2012, 08:47 AM	#130
CoMoChief Mahomes Dynasty Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $8052254	I do agree w/ talking to her about it before you're married. breaking it off now (if it came to that, hopefully not) would be much less aggrevating on you and her...than it would had you gotten hitched and then address the issue. __________________
Posts: 39,155

12-24-2012, 08:49 AM	#131
threebag Snacks Are Under My Apron Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The Edge Casino cash: $3091660	Just get the Bitch a Belcher for Christmas. __________________ Free DeBerg HayWire Greatest Mod Ever In big nasty kcnut we trust
Posts: 23,854

12-24-2012, 08:50 AM	#132
NewChief In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Fayetteville, AR Casino cash: $9730204	If you actually like your family and want to have a good relationship with them, then it's a dealbreaker for me because that rift is just going to get worse as time goes on and it causes all sorts of problems for your marriage. I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't get along well with my family, especially my mom. Thankfully I'm blessed to have a wife who actually does a better job of maintaining our relationship with my family than I do. If you don't really give a shit about your family and the relationship you have with them in the future, then don't worry about it. That being said: shame on you for going through her texts. __________________ In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H. L. Mencken
Posts: 21,758

12-24-2012, 08:52 AM	#133
Codered Starter Join Date: Dec 2003 Casino cash: $8888190	If you do decide to approach her about the unkind texts then starting off by telling her you understand your actions of snooping isn't appropriate and explain why you felt you need to. This won't make it any easier, but it may allow you then to bring up the bigger issue. Her feelings for your family. Good luck this could very well test your relationship. If you have to snoop around and she has to lie then there are apparently deeper issues going on.
Posts: 761