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View Poll Results: Who wins?
Mizzou_8541 28 36.36%
Gadzooks 49 63.64%
Voters: 77. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-21-2018, 11:19 AM  
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 1 - Mizzou_8541 vs Gadzooks

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - On opposing gondolas in the canals of Venice (gondoliers steer as you wish but don't fight)
Starting Distance - 74 feet

Mizzou_8541

Main Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars
Backup Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars

Prep Time - 11 Minutes
Special Factors - None


Gadzooks

Main Weapon - Klingon batleth
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 33 seconds
Special Factors - None
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:28 AM   #2
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Here's my thinking.

Mizzou is going to keep his distance, forcing Gadzooks to approach. As Gadzooks gets close, he's going to get peppered with a lot of stars. Maybe 15 percent will hit, so he'll take six wounds before closing in. Mizzou will have to wrestle the batleth away to make a kill shot, but I don't think he'll be able to do that unless he got really lucky with the star hits. Gadzooks will close and kill, coming away with some stitches.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:34 AM   #3
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Only hope for Mizzou is to find this thread quick and post something that convinces us he is an actual ninja.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:36 AM   #4
Beef Supreme Beef Supreme is offline
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good chance swinging that Klingon Batleth on a gondola just ends up with Gadzooks in the water with ninja star cuts. They get infected in that nasty Venice Canal water and he dies a few days later of of septic shock.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:46 AM   #5
Hydrae Hydrae is offline
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As long as Mizzou can keep some distance this is his fight to lose imo.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:55 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beef Supreme View Post
good chance swinging that Klingon Batleth on a gondola just ends up with Gadzooks in the water with ninja star cuts. They get infected in that nasty Venice Canal water and he dies a few days later of of septic shock.
Realistically the battle probably devolves to both guys in the water with no weapons trying to drown each other.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:58 AM   #7
Detoxing Detoxing is offline
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So a total of 40 small Ninja stars for Mizzou....

This is how this fight goes down:

Gadzooks, hunkered down in his gondola, cruises the canals looking for Mizzou who's had ample time to scout the area and hide stealthly-like.

Mizzou's gondola silently creeps up behind Gadzooks and he starts chuckin' ninja stars, most of which he completely ****ing misses. A few land in the gondola, Gadzooks grabs them and chucks 'em back at Mizzou, killing his gondolier.

As Gadzooks approaches a now sitting duck Mizzou, Mizzou continues chuckin' ninja stars. Gadzooks takes a few ninja stars to the chest and body but keeps standing in battle position. Now he's eatin' ninja stars left and right, taking hits like a cheesy 80's action flick and he's still coming!

BAM! There goes another Ninja star right in the eye. Gadzooks eye falls out but now their gondolas have crashed into each other. Gadzooks boards Mizzou's gondola, rushes him and pin him to the deck trying to push his bat'leth into Mizzou's throat.

But Mizzou has a plan! He held onto some ninja stars and attempts to lodge one into Gadzook's chest! As the Ninja star twists and turns Mizzou realizes that Gadzooks has no heart, as the Chargers ripped it from him long ago. With Mizzou now shocked and surprised, Gadzook uses this chance to chop off Mizzou's head!

Winner: Gadzooks.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:01 PM   #8
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No way Gadzooks stays upright on the water. Mizzou with the easy win.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:06 PM   #9
Why Not? Why Not? is offline
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To many opportunities for Mizzou to land a kill shot with a star to the throat or eyes. Mizzou wins.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:09 PM   #10
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I gotta think the stars will do damage. He’s gotta be able to hit some, as he’s got plenty of time to practice them. Mizzou wins this one.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:14 PM   #11
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Mizzou takes the win here, I do believe.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:15 PM   #12
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This is a tough one.

Mizzou could win with multiple Ninja Star hits to both Gadzooks and his pussy gondolier.

However, if Gadzooks uses his gondolier as a human shield he could have a chance to get close and deliver the decisive blow with his Klingon batleth.

I am going with Mizzou on this
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:22 PM   #13
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Not even fair. Mizzou_8541 in a slaughter.

No need to get in range of that Klingon batleth. Make those ninja star strikes count though. Go for the eyes, come in Paladin style, and finish him off.

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Old 06-21-2018, 12:23 PM   #14
kysirsoze kysirsoze is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Why Not? View Post
To many opportunities for Mizzou to land a kill shot with a star to the throat or eyes. Mizzou wins.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sofa King View Post
I gotta think the stars will do damage. Hes gotta be able to hit some, as hes got plenty of time to practice them. Mizzou wins this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TLO View Post
Mizzou takes the win here, I do believe.
This is insane. Given ten minutes of training, Mizzou is practically unarmed here. Gadzooks bat'leth is both the vastly superior offensive weapon and useful for defense. 74 feet would take no time to cover in a Gondola. Gadzooks gets low and shields himself making it incredible unlikely Mizzou does any real damage. Gadzooks kills him easily at close range.

Only hope Mizzou has is having his gondolier flee and throwing on the move. Still, Rainman's estimate of 15% is incredibly high in my estimation if Gadzooks is taking any kind of defensive stance. Mizzou has a puncher's chance, but Gadzooks takes this at least 9/10 times.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:32 PM   #15
kysirsoze kysirsoze is offline
SNAP THE ****ING BALL!!!
 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfEdSbT_qZk

Having trouble embedding, but check out this video starting at minute 3. This guy is trained at using these stars and even he is wildly inaccurate. He also points out that they don't do a whole lot of damage. They were mainly intended as a distraction. Mizzou is essentially unarmed. He's a dead man.
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