Emails From an A**hole...

[CoMoChief]

These are really funny. Anyone seen these before?

A guy has bogus/fake email accounts and posts replies to Craigslist/classified type ads. Don't know how much of it is real as far as people's responses, but either way it's still funny. Read them at the link below...

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

I'll copy/paste the first one I to


Background story on this email is a guy posted an ad for needing a Japanese translator to help him understand a troubleshooting manual for a CD stereo he bought, but the manual is in Japanese and he can't read it.

That's where this asshole comes in, he starts ****ing with the guy by responding from multiple email accounts.


Glorious Master Translator
Posted at: 2012-04-23 17:29:34 | 481 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I need someone who speaks japanese to help me translate something. wont take too long. please email me ASAP!

From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hi! You need Japanese translate? I Chan, I help you with translate.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

hey chan. so ok heres the deal. my cd player suddenly stopped working and i cant figure out why. for some reason the only manual i have is entirely in japanese. i took a pic of the page im pretty sure its the trouble shooting part. can you see if it says anything about no sound coming from the output?




From Me to Scott *******:

Ok, I find three thing may help you:

"Failure of Sound from Device"
"Skipping of disc for poor sound"
"Sound volume low very much"

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

umm..what does it say for the failure of sound one?

From Me to Scott *******:

"Hello and thank you for chose glorious master CD player! Apologies many for trouble of product. To fix failure of the sound, follow step:

1. Unplug glorious master CD player
2. Plug glorious master CD player back in"

I hope this help!

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

that doesnt help me at all. is that all it says?

From Me to Scott *******:

Oh no! Very sorry. There more steps to help you! Here:

"If still experience failure of the sound, your glorious master CD player possessed by audio demon. To banish audio demon, follow step:

1. Ignite seven candle
2. Pray to Benzaiten, Goddess of Music
3. Benzaiten will banish audio demon to eternal suffering
4. Try play CD again

If you fail banishing of audio demon, you failure. Much dishonor of family name. Suggest immediate death by Seppuku."

I hope you banish audio demon! Much luck.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf? does it really say that?

From Me to Scott *******:

I just translate what you give.

From Scott ******* to Me:

no way it says that. what kind of useless manual is this? how is that supposed to help anyone?

From Me to Scott *******:

Very sorry, audio demon big problem with many CD player! I have sword, much sharp, good for seppuku. You want borrow?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf are you talking about. an audio demon? this is BS. are you screwing with me?

From Scott ******* to Me:

did i send the wrong page? i think this is the table of contents. can you look at this and tell me which page is the troubleshooting one? then ill send you that one



From Me to Scott *******:

That no table of content, that Sushi take-out menu! Try #16, Spicy Salmon Roll! Much delicious!

From Scott ******* to Me:

..........ok buddy. thanks for nothing you jackass.


He then continues to do the same shit to the guy but with another email account


From Me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there,

I saw your ad and think I can help you. I majored in Japanese in college, speak it fluently, and lived in Miyazaki for two years.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

thanks so much mike. i was talking to someone else for help, but idk what his problem was. dude kept sending me all this BS. anyway my cd player isnt working and the manual is only in japanese so i need help reading the troubleshooting part. i think the attached picture is the table of contents, could you see if it says what page the troubleshooting part is on and then ill send you that?



From Me to Scott *******:

You sent me a sushi take-out menu. Are you sure you have the right documents?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf!!! i dont know what is going on! it has a picture of the cd player on the front and then this is the next page. why would they put a sushi menu in there?

From Me to Scott *******:

Japanese instruction manuals are not like the American manuals you are used to. They often include advertisements, and I guess in this case, a sushi menu. Looking at it closer, it says "Thank you for purchasing this glorious master CD player. Why not order sushi while you enjoy music?"

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

well that is dumb...whatever. i think this page is the troubleshooting part because of the tables. am i right? do you see anything about there not being any sound?



From Me to Scott *******:

Yes, this is the right page. It says to unplug it and plug it back in.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

yea i did that. nothing. is that it?

From Me to Scott *******:

Well, you're not gonna want to hear this, but it says your CD player is possessed by Amanojaku, or "audio demon." You should light three candles and pray to Benzaiten, the god of music.

Mike

From Me to Scott *******:

Scott? Were you able to banish the audio demon?

[Chief_For_Life58]

Originally Posted by lewdog

I read his responses in my best Kim Jong il Team America voice.

this. hahahhahaha. Try numba 16! Very derlishus!

[Bump]

This is way more fun than I thought it would be.

I need better reactions out of people, I think it's a numbers game. Most just stop replying altogether once it gets weird.

But I hope this lady emails me back, but I don't think she will.

Swallow my Cat

She was trying to sell this cat thing for $20



me:

Hello,
I came across your ad for the cat house. That is something really cool man. It's like a fish that swallows the cat, woah.

Where did you get that?

her:

Purchased in Palm Beach at pet store. Where are you located?

me:

I'm located in Waltham, what about you? where are you located?

her:

I am in Weston, next town over.

me:

oh cool, so what type of cat used to sleep in it? I have a bengal, she's a small little one. Looks like a nice spot for her. Can the mouth of that, what is it, a fish? Can the mouth close?

her:

The mouth doesn't close. The house is a leopard print with a big mouth as the opening. It's a cat with cat-fish resemblance b/c of the mouth.

I have a Coon cat who prefers the bed. He's too big now. I got the house when I was in Florida, but the cat just looked at it.

It's adorable, good for a smaller cat who like to sleep in cozy places. Decorative for the house, different

me:

From the looks of it, I could easily sew a zipper on the mouth so it can close. About how big is it exactly? would you say about 1.5 feet long? I'm sure I could put my cat in there and close the mouth with the zipper that I will install on it.

Would you consider doing $10 on it?

her:

NO

me:

What about $15? I really like it and I think it would be perfect for what I'm trying to do.
Thanks

[Bump]

lol I got one lady to increase her price from $75 to $275 haha and I got a guy to draw a picture for me on the etch a sketch he was trying to sell for $5 haha, I'll have those printed when they are done.

[Luke Warm]

Originally Posted by Bump

lol I got one lady to increase her price from $75 to $275 haha and I got a guy to draw a picture for me on the etch a sketch he was trying to sell for $5 haha, I'll have those printed when they are done.

You're getting good lol.

[beach tribe]

Originally Posted by Bewbies

Ok, one more gun lovers will enjoy this...

Was looking for this to posts as a response. Had no idea it was the same guy. funny stuff. It's about 5 years older or more I believe though. Still funny.