What is the best, most awesome, coolest single post on the Planet evah?

[BigRedChief]

What say you? This one in another thread got me thinking...

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58
Son, we live in a world that has idiotic message board posts, and those posts have to be guarded by men with facts and stats. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Hootie? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for htismaqe, and you curse the Chiefs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That htismaqe's leaving, while tragic, probably saved him from a nervous breakdown. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves you from a nervous breakdown. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that bulletin board, you need me on that bulletin board. We use words like your and idiot, moran, pie. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent talking football. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a n00b who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the incredible knowledge that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and create a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Let's have some nominations and feedback. I'll put the most popular ones in a poll in a new thread and we can vote. The winner will get a weeks vacation in a place of their choosing(if someone volunteers the money) or else if that doesn't materialize they will have to settle for the designation of the coolest dude or dudette on the planet.







okay, In the interest of fairness some simple criteria for a posts inclusion in the final poll. I've ruled out all of my excellent posts for consideration.

• The text has to be posted in here and a link to where it come from to keep people honest.
• Has to be given the thumbs up by someone else in this thread.
• the name of the person who wrote that post must also be quoted with the post to keep idenity's straight.

so far the nominations for the next round and the poll thread are the one above and these...

postrockpablo

Demon, you're so fucking American..you're like Brett Favre throwing footballs across a pond in Wranglers jeans...only instead of Brett Favre, you're Patrick Swayze throwing natty light cans into the mouth of a 6 foot long, 150 pound bass driving a 1994 Thunderbird Supercoupe off a flaming ramp made of Miller Lite boxes and pride; wearing an evil kenievel jumpsuit and depending on a parachute made of beef jerky and dream catchers, all bound together by Indian tears.

Because you don't fucking litter. That's why.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...weekend&page=3

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Quote: CrazyCoffey

I know alot about you, I know that you don't trim and you prefer briefs over thong underwear. You haven't touched yourself in years let alone spread your legs, yet you shave your armpits and bleach your upper lip. You stopped giving your husband head because you think it's gross and you are going to be surprised when you see his credit card bill includes a trip for two at a nice resturant last week and a hotel on the Plaza when he was supposed to be out of town on a business trip.

You want to make yourself feel better by getting involved with political discussion on this board because you can only hide so many snicker's bars and bottles of vodka around the house. What's that noise, oh the dryer just buzzed, better go fold the clothes.

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Originally Posted by GoChiefs

EDIT: Herm and Hitler video

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...hlight=frickin

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Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And the media did cry with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Herm, dost thou not avenge our losses and mighty concussions and embarrassments in post season?

And in the right hand of him that sat before the microphone was a book written within and without and sealed with seven seals. And behold, then did Herm sayeth in a voice like unto famine, This is thy playbook which I shalt destroy that no man may say that our offense shalt be a circus nor shalt one say evermore that our alignments be complex, for deserveth thee not! And the media wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon. And so did the fans cast dust on their heads, and rend their garments of red and gold, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, the great offense, wherein were all made rich who had wagereth on the over under by reason of her touchdowns, for in this hour is she made desolate!

FAX

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http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man
I've pondered posting this before, but this seems like a good place for it.

Rules for Selecting A Urinal

If there is...

1 urinal present - Use it

2 urinals present - Use either

3 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 if you're the first person, as this gives the next visitor the option of keeping Urinal 2 between you. If you're the second person, obviously use either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3, whichever is unoccupied.

4 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 4 if you're the first person, as this gives the second visitor the opportunity to keep two urinals between you. If you're the second person, you should select the farthest urinal, though it is not a major faux pas if you select a urinal that is two away.

5 urinals present - If you're the first person, #1 and #5 are strongly preferred, though in reality you can pick #3 without being completely uncouth. If you're the second person, you must ALWAYS select a urinal that is as far away as possible, e.g., if the first person is at #1, you should go to #5, or it is permissible to be an even number of urinals away, e.g., #3 if the first person is at #1. It is a major faux pas to be an odd number of urinals away, e.g. #4 when the first person is at #1, UNLESS the first person has mistakenly selected an even-numbered urinal, in which case you are required to select the farthest urinal from that person.

6 urinals present - This one gets complicated. The first person arriving should select #1 or #6, though it is not a faux pas to select #3 or #4. If you're the second person arriving, you must go to either urinal #1 or #6, whichever is farthest from the first person. Person #3 must then claim either #1 or #6 if either is unoccupied, OR go to #3 or #4, their choice.

7 urinals - Person #1 must always select an odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7, but #3 and #5 are permissible. Person #2 should select the farthest urinal from Person #1, regardless of Person #1's choice. Person #3 then has the more complicated task, with a choice matrix as follows:

If the others are both at even-numbered urinals, claim the final remaining even-numbered urinal.

If the others are both at odd-numbered urinals, claim another odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7 if either is unoccupied.

If the others are at an odd-numbered urinal and an even-numbered urinal, then Person #3 should claim any urinal that is at least five urinals distant from them, and if that is not possible, then any urinal that is at least three distant. If that is not possible, then it means that the first two people have gone with a 1/6 or a 2/7 combination, which represents a major indiscretion on someone's part, in which case Person #3 needs to minimize the damage by going with either #3 or #4 in the first case, or #4 or #5 in the second case, and finish as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun
I've gotten some rep that could qualify as best posts ever.

This is one I got from Duck Dog earlier today (I'll let you deteremine if it was positive or negative rep):

You white liberals are the biggest problem facing our nation. Race trading, self-deprecating cowards.

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Quote: Originally Posted by KChiefsQT
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b3...fsQT/boobs.jpg

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[DaKCMan AP]

DaKCMan AP is Awesome.

[Buck]

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...&postcount=522

[OnTheWarpath15]

Originally Posted by BuckinKaeding

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...&postcount=522

Yeah, that one.

[Hammock Parties]

Statistically, I have the best chance of winning this competition.

[Skip Towne]

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

Statistically, I have the best chance of winning this competition.

But realistically you have very little chance

[WilliamTheIrish]

Originally Posted by BuckinKaeding

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...&postcount=522

Clue me in here. This must be a thread I missed.

[Buck]

Originally Posted by WilliamTheIrish

Clue me in here. This must be a thread I missed.

1. n00b creates thread about losing the girl he loved
2. people flamebait him
3. n00b tells everyone they are idiots / claims to be very successful, rich man
4. n00b gives out his name
5. Laz does google search, finds that hes a sexual offender
6. Hilarity ensues.

At least thats how I remember it happening.

[BigRichard]

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

If you drive an 88 ford tempo. Just accept it. It is a red piece of shit, it isn't the general lee, you aren't vin diesel. So don't press the break and gas together rev the engine and slam it in drive. You are going to hear a loud bang followed by the sound of you getting fired from long john silvers for being late again

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=31

I still laugh when I think about this post.

[Agent V]

Originally Posted by BuckinKaeding

1. n00b creates thread about losing the girl he loved
2. people flamebait him
3. n00b tells everyone they are idiots / claims to be very successful, rich man
4. n00b gives out his name
5. Laz does google search, finds that hes a sexual offender
6. Hilarity ensues.

At least thats how I remember it happening.

Also, returned to the board under a different name, but kept his photobucket account under his old Chiefs Planet username, and was found out again. This time with Hannah Montana videos on his YouTube page.

[ziggysocki]

Originally Posted by BigRichard

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=31

I still laugh when I think about this post.

that is pretty funny. that entire thread was pretty hilarious

[Sofa King]

Originally Posted by BigRichard

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=31

I still laugh when I think about this post.

that's a good one... i remember reading that and laughing alot..

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by BigRichard

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=31

I still laugh when I think about this post.

yep that is a good one. most penz posts are

[Demonpenz]

Life lesson 08/26/09 Lady at the vending machine.....

This lady is at the vending machine, it was one of those refridgerated ones that spin around. She always sits there and pretends she is looking at oranges or salad, but I know her fat ass is going to get The packaged biskits and gravey. So she sits there and sweats for what seems to be an forever. I walk in and out a couple times before she actually gets something. Now **** I am hungry for the Bizkits and gravey. So I get it and I am already feeling like white trash for getting freaking Gravy out of a vending machine. So I bite into it and it is OLD. Gross. So I paid 1.50 and I am pissed knowing full well that is a 22oz of natty light fom the gas station I could be sipping on after work. So I suck it up and go to the lady who is in charge of refunds. She is really skinny and pretty, I have no chance so I am only 40 percent embarrassed about getting biskits and gravy out of a vending machine. So I tell her how the biskits were bad and the gravy was unfortunate and she asks if I still have the evidence. I said no it is down the hall i threw it away. she the looks at me like "god you are a fat ****, no wonder you wear 38 pants you eat gravy all the time, I bet you you ate that gravy and biskets and asked for a refund so you can stuff more gravy in your mouth" I shamefully got my refund and bought a candy bar and cheeze its

[Hammock Parties]

Demonpenz knocked one out of the park...something about the 4th of July and tits and cars doing wheelies through flames or something...I vaguely remember it.

[Demonpenz]

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

Demonpenz knocked one out of the park...something about the 4th of July and tits and cars doing wheelies through flames or something...I vaguely remember it.

it was my fellow st joseph friend gonzorox88 postrockpablo i will dig it up