Catricide - Page 2

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 06:03 PM

I want to commit catracide.

We have a cat that thinks outside the box too often. I don't think this animal has any redeeming characteristics. It is afraid of the outdoors. It is afraid of mice. It might beat up on a cricket. It considers the litter box as just one of many options. It needs to die.

Of course, there are other family members that seem to think the cat is cute.

Thus, I need to find a way to dispatch the cat and yet have it look like natural causes, or at least like I didn't have anything to do with it's demise. That means the corpse can't be mutilated or wet...and I can't have any incriminating scratch marks. If I could do the deed, and then leave the body on the stairs or somewhere for someone else to discover....that should dispell suspicions.

I've thought of putting her in a cooler and displacing the air with nitrogen or some other gas.

Any ideas?

For those of you that have tender feelings for felines, pretend I said "Bronco lover".

Any ideas?

DenverChief · 08-03-2005, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If you're going to do this, I would suggest a murder-suicide, so you don't have to wait as long before going to Hell.

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 06:37 PM

Actually, I don't think the family would take it too hard. "Beloved" is a gross overstatment of the situation. There was no mourning when the "working" cat passed on (in his sleep at age 16 - I wasn't involved). The cat is a nuisance to everyone, having just peed in my daughters laundry basket - the clean laundry. They just aren't thinking about hurrying nature along, like I am.

**Rain Man** · 08-03-2005, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Do you have to that in a certain order, or anything?

1. Write note.
2. Commit suicide.
3. Commit murder.

Over-Head · 08-03-2005, 06:43 PM

Buy some cat-nip. Get the wretched animal (all cat's are wicked beasts THIS IS A PROVEN FACT!) fried out of his mind, then shove him in a garbage bag, tie it shut, go to you living room, pop in a movie and enjoy your saturday afternoon.

When the movie is over, dump the furball out of the bag and into a hidden corner somewhere and look bewildered when another family member finds him "dead in his sleep".

Cat, just another white meat!

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

1. Write note.
2. Commit suicide.
3. Commit murder.

For Step 2, could I take up smoking?

Nightfyre · 08-03-2005, 06:44 PM

sprinkle crushed aspirin on a steak while the family is out. Game over. You win.

**Rain Man** · 08-03-2005, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

For Step 2, could I take up smoking?

Only if you douse yourself with gasoline first.

**Fire Me Boy!** · 08-03-2005, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Actually, I don't think the family would take it too hard. "Beloved" is a gross overstatment of the situation. There was no mourning when the "working" cat passed on (in his sleep at age 16 - I wasn't involved). The cat is a nuisance to everyone, having just peed in my daughters laundry basket - the clean laundry. They just aren't thinking about hurrying nature along, like I am.

Why don't you take the animal to a shelter? Maybe you don't want it, but someone else will. I know you're probably joking about this, to an extent, but as others have said, if you're not, you suck. I'm a cat lover myself, and the amount of serious suggestions, that would work, is pretty scary to me.

bogie · 08-03-2005, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Actually, I don't think the family would take it too hard. "Beloved" is a gross overstatment of the situation. There was no mourning when the "working" cat passed on (in his sleep at age 16 - I wasn't involved). The cat is a nuisance to everyone, having just peed in my daughters laundry basket - the clean laundry. They just aren't thinking about hurrying nature along, like I am.

You must be a raider fan.

bogie · 08-03-2005, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

Why don't you take the animal to a shelter? Maybe you don't want it, but someone else will. I know you're probably joking about this, to an extent, but as others have said, if you're not, you suck. I'm a cat lover myself, and the amount of serious suggestions, that would work, is pretty scary to me.

There ya go.

**Iowanian** · 08-03-2005, 07:30 PM

1 burlap sack
1 stone(medium size)
1 bridge with river under it.

**gblowfish** · 08-03-2005, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bogie

If you're serious, you suck! I'm not necessarily a cat lover but to kill a family pet because it is an inconvenience is just wrong. When your family discovers it's dead aren't they going to be heart broken? Doesn't that matter to you? I repeat, you suck.

If you can't care for a a pet, you don't deserve to have one. Take it to a no kill shelter and make a donation.

How bout I send a link on your post to the ASPCA and your local municipal government? Still want to kill an innocent animal?

Hey, here's a funny thread. Some guy set a puppy on fire and tried to kill it. Hee hee! What a knee slapper. Bet you'll get some yucks since you think hurting animals is fun. Read the whole thread. Maybe you'll laugh so much you'll get snot bubbles:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...02#post2594802

I'm not kidding, this kind of stuff pisses me off. Don't do it. And kidding around about killing pets isn't funny either. It's just wrong, and it's extremely poor taste. Dimwit. And all you guys who think its funny, shame on you too.

Jenson71 · 08-03-2005, 07:46 PM

Have you tried burying it's body in the ground and lopping it's head off with a lawn mower?

**Skip Towne** · 08-03-2005, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stumppy

Just lock it in the garage with the car running. Or any type of enclosure and pipe some exhaust gas in. Just do it when nobody is home. After it has assumed room temperature just take it in the house and lay it down all curled up in it's favorite spot to sleep.

If you would like to introduce intense pain into the deed let me know.

You've done this before haven't you?

Zebedee DuBois · 08-03-2005, 07:55 PM

I don't want to torture the cat.
The quickest and least painful method, the better.

I don't happen to think that every feline life is sacred.
People maybe, but not cats.

I am not happy with this cats performance.
I want to return it to the manufacturer.

08-03-2005, 06:03 PM
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $1975199	Catricide I want to commit catracide. We have a cat that thinks outside the box too often. I don't think this animal has any redeeming characteristics. It is afraid of the outdoors. It is afraid of mice. It might beat up on a cricket. It considers the litter box as just one of many options. It needs to die. Of course, there are other family members that seem to think the cat is cute. Thus, I need to find a way to dispatch the cat and yet have it look like natural causes, or at least like I didn't have anything to do with it's demise. That means the corpse can't be mutilated or wet...and I can't have any incriminating scratch marks. If I could do the deed, and then leave the body on the stairs or somewhere for someone else to discover....that should dispell suspicions. I've thought of putting her in a cooler and displacing the air with nitrogen or some other gas. Any ideas? For those of you that have tender feelings for felines, pretend I said "Bronco lover". Any ideas?
Posts: 3,746

08-03-2005, 06:37 PM	#17
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $1975199	Actually, I don't think the family would take it too hard. "Beloved" is a gross overstatment of the situation. There was no mourning when the "working" cat passed on (in his sleep at age 16 - I wasn't involved). The cat is a nuisance to everyone, having just peed in my daughters laundry basket - the clean laundry. They just aren't thinking about hurrying nature along, like I am. __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,746

08-03-2005, 06:43 PM	#19
Over-Head Boom, Boom , Crash Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In my shed Casino cash: $9995760	Buy some cat-nip. Get the wretched animal (all cat's are wicked beasts THIS IS A PROVEN FACT!) fried out of his mind, then shove him in a garbage bag, tie it shut, go to you living room, pop in a movie and enjoy your saturday afternoon. When the movie is over, dump the furball out of the bag and into a hidden corner somewhere and look bewildered when another family member finds him "dead in his sleep". Cat, just another white meat! __________________ ...Illegitimus non Carborundum est...
Posts: 12,040

08-03-2005, 06:44 PM	#21
Nightfyre MVP Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Helena, MT Casino cash: $3728849	sprinkle crushed aspirin on a steak while the family is out. Game over. You win.
Posts: 18,519

08-03-2005, 07:30 PM	#26
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4818454	1 burlap sack 1 stone(medium size) 1 bridge with river under it.
Posts: 61,511

08-03-2005, 07:46 PM	#28
Jenson71 fides quaerens intellectum Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: United States Casino cash: $8330900	Have you tried burying it's body in the ground and lopping it's head off with a lawn mower?
Posts: 15,986

08-03-2005, 07:55 PM	#30
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $1975199	I don't want to torture the cat. The quickest and least painful method, the better. I don't happen to think that every feline life is sacred. People maybe, but not cats. I am not happy with this cats performance. I want to return it to the manufacturer. __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,746