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Old 12-24-2012, 12:52 AM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?
I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:56 AM   #136
mdchiefsfan mdchiefsfan is offline
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Originally Posted by Codered View Post
If you do decide to approach her about the unkind texts then starting off by telling her you understand your actions of snooping isn't appropriate and explain why you felt you need to.

This won't make it any easier, but it may allow you then to bring up the bigger issue. Her feelings for your family.

Good luck this could very well test your relationship. If you have to snoop around and she has to lie then there are apparently deeper issues going on.
This and keep her on topic. When she, undoubtedly, tries to veer the conversation onto your snooping just tell her, "We will get to that in a second," and reiterate your question. Once she explains her side of the story and you feel you two are on common ground with that issue, prepare for her to be as judgmental about your snooping as you were about what you found. Hope it works out for you man.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:00 AM   #137
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
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Originally Posted by notorious View Post
The people that are saying "invaded her privacy":


How long have you been married?
21 years in 3 days....
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:02 AM   #138
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Yeah, he shouldn't have read her text messages. I love how this site completely gleams over her sins because his are somehow worse.
Lotta high horses prancing around.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:03 AM   #139
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Originally Posted by Reerun_KC View Post
21 years in 3 days....
Does he know you read his text messages?
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:05 AM   #140
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Originally Posted by Reerun_KC View Post
21 years in 3 days....
Maybe I have been with women that have been ****ed over. All of them were snoopy.


I don't care what's on her computer/phone. I am secure with my trust in her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:11 AM   #141
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Originally Posted by Bob Dole View Post
Does he know you read his text messages?
No he beats me....
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:12 AM   #142
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Originally Posted by notorious View Post
Maybe I have been with women that have been ****ed over. All of them were snoopy.


I don't care what's on her computer/phone. I am secure with my trust in her.
Same here, I dont do anything that would break her trust either...

She can have my phone and take it for the day or week... I would enjoy the peace. LOL!
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:14 AM   #143
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You should definitely confront her. She deserves to know she is marrying a man who does things like read her text messages.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:19 AM   #144
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Originally Posted by Reerun_KC View Post
Same here, I dont do anything that would break her trust either...

She can have my phone and take it for the day or week... I would enjoy the peace. LOL!
If the revelation of any issues come from the reading of another person's phone, it's time for the reader to admit their intuition Mojo is all but empty. And for readers who play hurt over the content of said information, they should realize that it's not the content they should be worried about, but the lack of fidelity they've been living with for some period of time..

What they might find in the phone is usually a symptom of a problem, not the real problem.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:19 AM   #145
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Dude...deal with it NOW. You do NOT want to get married with that unresolved. The reason I'm using CAPS is because that is exactly how my ex-wife acted before we were married. Lookoing back on it, it should have been a huge red flag. Not just a warning about gettting along with my family, but about her character as a whole.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:20 AM   #146
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Good God Don't out yourself. Get out its over treat her like a prostitute. Dude you will have to beat her away. They love that shit. I would just hate **** the shit out of her while you explore your options. Maybe dry run her ass a couple of times. She will brag about this shit and her "pigeons" will flock. Then you have a endless supply of flowers to polinate.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:21 AM   #147
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Don't give away the upper hand until you are ready to walk away from the table. She will turn straight up bitch as if she hasn't already and rob all your shit. Prep this shit set shit aside run the table don't lose your ass.


Don't be a pussy.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:23 AM   #148
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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Is this the hill you want to die on?

Sometimes women are just bitches. Is she nice To your family?
IF you're going to marry her, you're going to have to figure this out at some point.

That said, jumping her ass about it does 2 things that aren't in your favor. It pisses her off that you're snooping on her and you become the jerk in the argument, and it reveals your information sources, should you ever be suspicious about more serious issues.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:28 AM   #149
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Don't do it. It's a very douchebag thing to go through someone else's phone. If you confront her, going through someone else's phone is one of those things that are considered deal breakers by a lot of people(myself included).
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:29 AM   #150
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Confront her about it. Period.
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