A Fond Farewell to Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire

[cadmonkey]

We are among the millions who are saddened by the fact that the ESPN Sunday Night Crew is in its final season together. As you probably know, ESPN is taking over the reigns for Monday Night Football while NBC is taking over Sunday Night duties for the 2006 season.

Among other things, the shift means that Joe Theismann will be occupying the Monday Night seat alongside incumbent Al Michaels. The move apparently means that Paul Maguire is currently unemployed. We only imagine what Paul is thinking right now - “You’re gonna tell me that not having a job is not something that you don’t want to go through? I don’t have a job!”

It’s a sad day when we lose the single most entertaining announcing duo in all of football, even though none of what makes them entertaining is intentional.

How do we love thee? Let us count the ways.

First let’s look at Joe Theismann. The best part about him is that he loves anyone and everyone who plays the quarterback position. Whether it’s Tom Brady or Sage Rosenfels, Joseph is never afraid to fawn all over anyone who lines up over center. Throughout the course of the game, you’re liable to hear various forms of the following, “I just really like the way ______ throws the football!” It’s as if Theismann is teenager suffering from his first crush. He’s mesmerized, and can’t snap out of it.

Another aspect of the Theismann experience is his arrogance and condescending attitude towards Maguire and the national audience in general. His tendency to start off phrases with, “I’ve always said” and “I just think” serve as his way of letting America know that he knows what he’s talking about and that you probably don’t.

To counter Theismann, Paul Maguire plays the role of senile broadcaster lacking in intelligence (actually, we don’t think he’s playing). We love Maguire because he starts off pretty much every statement with “I’ll tell ya” as in, “I’ll tell ya, you want to talk about a hard hit? WATCH THIS BLOCK!!! BAM!” He’s always looking to enhance the viewing experience by stressing that the audience is supposed to “watch this” during the replays. Sure it’s on TV and there really isn’t anything we could do besides watch it, but that’s not the point. Maguire is all about the viewers. (Imagine McGuire as an author, every paragraph in his book would undoubtedly start off with “READ THIS!”)

There are various paths that the Paul Maguire statement can take. For example, Paul has a tendency to “see” something and tell us to watch for it on the replay, only to find out that he was clearly off the mark and didn’t actually see what he thought he saw. “Watch this block by Andruzzi. He hits two guys, well, no, one guy. He missed London Fletcher, but he hit the other guy!”

There’s also the McGuire 180, in which he’ll make a point and tell us to watch for it on the replay, only to have the replay clearly show otherwise (that Maguire’s statement was terribly off) instigating an argument between Paul and himself. “Watch this play, it’s clearly not a fumble! Look at the way his knee hit…no his knee did not hit the ground. You can’t tell me that this wasn’t a fumble!”

Then there’s the world-famous Maguire Complex Question where he’ll use multiple negatives and double negatives just to confuse anyone who happens to be paying attention. “Watch here. Are you not gonna tell me that Drew Bledsoe doesn’t like playing against his old team?”

The yearning for air time between Paul and Joe leads us to believe that lots of elbowing and rock-paper-scissors contests occur during a play to see who gets the first crack at the replay. Within milliseconds after Corey Dillon rushes for four yards, you can bet all your money that one of these two will be yapping in your ears. It’s just a matter of who can blurt out their favorite catch phrase first.

Good bye Paul and Joe.

Thanks for the memories. You will be missed.

[cadmonkey]

Originally Posted by Lzen

cadmonkey,
what is it with the dude in your avatar? He looks like he's about to explode.

Thats me, I'm what they call strong!










Its an enhancment of an actual picture of some guy in the Mr. Universe contest.

[AirForceChief]

Maguire was in classic form for the Chiefs v. Texans game. Just prior to LJ's long darting, shifting run, Maguire was in the midst of a "LJ is a slasher. He's not going to change directions on you." No sooner are the words out of his mouth, LJ is changing directions at the line of scrimmage and putting jukes on LBs and safties...ah, good times.

[FloridaMan88]

Actually Paul Maguire is staying on ESPN to do college football games and he is going to be a studio analyst for the NFL games

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by Brock

I'll tell you what I like about that crew.

If they slay the spittle-spewing Madden-dragon, I'm all for 'em...