|11-29-2004, 08:50 AM|
Be Kind To Your Pets
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Glorious Independence, MO
Casino cash: $10026980VARSITY
Doggity Report: Chargers Vs. Chiefs Week 11
Here's an advanced copy of the Doggity report, which will be posted tonight on my website. You can read previous issues on my Chiefs Page at http://www.georgeblowfish.com:
Week 11 - 2004
Griefs vs Bolts, The Head, Kansas City, MO
Overview –They have been in every game this season. Five of their eight losses involved giving up a fourth quarter lead. Three of the last four losses included a different wideout dropping a ball in the red zone. This week, it just happened to be Dante Hall on a kickoff return. The defense gives up huge plays on third and long. The offense chokes on the last drive. A critical turnover is the difference in the game. The script for this week was as predictable as the plot of a Harry Potter book. I could have written this report on Saturday and gotten 90% of it right. The only Goosebumps in this Artemis Fowl mystery was Hall’s fumble on the second-half kickoff. Otherwise, in a season where everything that can go wrong, has – this was just another in a “series of unfortunate events.”**
Offense –The guys who get paid the big money to get it done in crunch time wet their collective knickers once again. For as bad as the defense is, Al Saunders’ unit has become the meaningless stat machine. Trent and Gonzo are great on my fantasy team, but fantasy football is a great description of the Chief’s fourth quarter offense. Larry “Seldom Seen” Johnson got to showcase his talent for his next employer. Maybe he can be like Joe Horn and get misused and dumped by KC only to star somewhere else. I have a feeling he’s actually the second coming of Greg “Real Deal” Hill or Rashaan “Who?” Shehee. In any case, the second year of a first rounder’s tenure should not be spent as a distant third on the depth chart. If it is, the scouting department’s got some “splainin’ to do”.* Lynn Stiles’ band of merry men have blown about every draft since they came on board nine years ago. Misses outnumber hits by a wide margin – particularly in the early rounds. First picks like Trezelle Jenkins, Sylvester Morris, Victor Riley, Eric Downing, Ryan Sims, Larry Johnson and Junior Siavii are examples of the guys Stiles thinks of as “impact” players. Granted they hit on John Tait and Jerome Woods – sort of, and Tony Gonzalez was a home run, but I could have been right that often.
Defense –I never thought I would say this about a Gunther Cunningham unit, but these guys are soft – especially when they have the opponent in long yardage situations. Mr. Blowfish said it last week, and I agree – I would rather see an opponent facing third and two than third and twelve. The D seems to be able to stuff short yardage plays, but the desperate twenty-yard pass play burns them every time. This week Crispy Bartee and Toasty Warfield were both scorched. The patchwork safeties were barbequed by Gates, the Charger’s phenom tightend. Gates released unmolested on nearly every play. Shaunard Harts and Willie Pile never had position on him. Burnt Battle was conspicuously absent except for an illegal block on special teams. Oh! Dexter! had his one great play for the season when he blew up Gates on a crossing route, but that was the extent of the secondary’s highlight reel.* The D managed to keep LaDainian Tomlinson in check – giving up a paltry 2.2 yards per carry and only 46 yards on the ground to the Bolts’ star halfback.* But why run when you can easily chew up chunks of yards downfield? Pressure was inconsistent and when the line did get there, the secondary either blew the coverage or was penalized. Lionel Dalton made a great play to sack Brees only to have it wiped out because Toasty had his hands in McCardell’s grill.*
Special Teams –He…could…go…all…the....... oops. Reset – he…could…go…all…the…way! Dante the ex-factor breaks two, but only cashes one of them. A totally unexplainable fumble on the final steps before the endzone is just a microcosm of this season. Once again Tynes blows a PAT, kicks off to the 15 and makes you wish for Morten. Coverage units played better – Ooooo! Is that a bright spot I see?* Make it stop, the glare is blinding me.**
The AFC West –
KC Chiefs – Sole possession of last place! Pop the corks!***
Denver Donkeys – Jake the Joke blows it in the snow to the Convicts.**
East Bay Convicts – Theismann says the defense is much improved – playing in a blizzard may have been a factor.
San Diego Bolts – Playing over your head and finding a way to win – that’s how Marty gets to the playoffs – and loses.**
Throw Him A Bone Award –
The bone goes to Tony Gonzalez who did everything asked of him – if they had asked more, they might have won.*
The Doggity Dog –
The paper upside the muzzle this week goes to Gunther Cunningham. At some point, the guy in charge of this defense has to take his punishment for the baby’s butt soft zones on third down and the total lack of a pass rush.****
Tailgate Recipe of the Week:
San Diego salsa – from my cousin in Sunny SoCal. Keepin’ it simple:
4 cupschopped, peeled fresh tomatoes
1/2 cup choppedsweetonion
2 to 4 Jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
2 garlic cloves minced
1 tsp. cumin
Sprig of chopped cilantro (optional)
salt to taste
In bowl, combine all ingredients, mix well. Let stand for about 2 hours. Serve at room temperature. Store in refrigerator.
Makes 3-4 cups
Send your recipes to the Dog, by e-mail or fax them to 913-831-1307.
Next week –
The battle of the bottom-feeders from the black hole in the East Bay.
Your faithful scribe,